I give up

[Karainbow]

The only guys who like me more than just for fun are the guys I am not physically attracted to.

[Sunshine07]

It may have a lot to do with the way you are acting. I mean do you make an attempt to get to know these guys at all? Cause you will always just be a pretty face to men until you let guard down and let them see what you are really like underneath.

 

I have the same problem that I'm still trying to overcome. I'm pretty and have a great body, and I get hit on a lot, but not genuinely. My ex used me for sex. It sucked a lot. But I thought about it and thought about the times in my life when I really connected to guys, and I realized that it was when I was truly myself without any pretensions and let my guard down. I didn't see myself in those instances as being a pretty girl being pursued by a hot guy. I was just one person who wanted to spend time and know another person. And that's when you really connect with someone else.

[Batya33]

One thing I have learned - dating requires a really thick skin where you owe it to yourself to self-protect until you are in an established relationship with someone. Maybe kissing someone you are not dating doesn't work for you because you get attached.

 

Here are some of the things that have happened to me but I never got cynical -

 

Several enthusiastic offers of second dates followed by cancellations or fade aways (no follow up calls to confirm)

Men who just want s_x (although I never gave in to one of those, never would)

Several shorter term relationships - 3-5 months that ended because they guy, head over heels at first, slowly pulled away

Crushes where the guy ended up with someone else

Being told he wasn't ready for a relationship and then he gets engaged a year later to someone else.

 

Yes yes it is hurtful at times but if you know your worth - if you have reasonable self esteem - those hurtful experiences don't have to hurt you to the core - or, at least no further than some haagen dazs can sooth! Don't let yourself get attached before he says he wants to be exclusive and he sees a future - and his actions show it. Easier said than done but if you don't those jerky guys or the ones who didn't click with you are the real winners if you end up cynical.

[itsallgrand]

Hmm. May I ask how old you are?

 

Are you passive or do you make sure to let a guy know when you like him?

I'm getting the vibe that you are waiting for the guy to make all the moves. Then, when it doesn't happen, you are disappointed. Yet he may not get that you are available and into him.

I don't mean flirting either - I mean getting involved in getting to know each other on a deeper level.

 

It's also possible that you are attracted to guys who give you attention bc of your looks and not much else. You seem to put a lot of emphasise on your looks, and have this idea that 'guys only want you for sex'.

 

While it is true that there are men/boys who are solely focused on that, there are guys who are looking for much more. And you seem like a lovely person.

 

So the only thing I can think of is that: you are projecting something that is scaring the serious guys away, or being too subtle in your feelings/moves.

or

You're just not having good luck at the moment.

 

No reason to give up yet!

[Caterina]

Honestly, there isn't very much of a guarenteed way to know that they like you for you and not just your body. One quick way I've found that causes them to leave is to tell them that I don't have sex. Sooner or later they leave and then you know that that was the reason they liked you. I've had PLENTY of guys try to use me for my body and then leave when they realize they aren't getting anything. I've also had PLENTY of guys who were genuinely interested in who I was as a person. There will be someone out there who likes you for you, I think you are just hurt and so are using the blame mechanism people use when hurt. Which means that only certain types of guys/girls "always" do whatever and whatever....but really, someone out there will like you for who you are. You can demand it and people will respond to that. Respect yourself because respect isn't natural for a lot of people .

[Karainbow]

No actually I made it very clear that i really liked him and he seemed to reciprocate, so today I rang him and asked if he wanted to go on the date that he had suggested before. I am 22. I didn't come on too strong either - about the same amount as he did. He seemed really keen!

[itsallgrand]

Oh, I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you. It sucks, sometimes it just works out that way.

 

Don't worry, there's someone special out there for you. (( It's true, even if you would like to tell us all to "cram it with walnuts" right now ))

[Karainbow]

Oh my God I don't get him! I saw him last night and he was being all flirty and kept looking over and my friend's were like "what's he playing at?!" and he came to chat.

 

Oh well, to be honest i would be unhappy if i was with him and he flirted with other girls like he was with me. Now I'm wondering if he was with her when he actually kissed me. I dunno - last night was an eye-opener that he is not to be trusted anyway.

 

Hey ho, it's onto the next hehe!

[Batya33]

No actually I made it very clear that i really liked him and he seemed to reciprocate, so today I rang him and asked if he wanted to go on the date that he had suggested before. I am 22. I didn't come on too strong either - about the same amount as he did. He seemed really keen!

 

If it were me I would not have called to ask if he wanted to go on a date he had suggested. I would have waited for him to call me to confirm the date - if we had agreed on a specific time and place I would show up at that time, etc. if he hadn't then it's not confirmed and he needs to call you to firm up plans.

[Karainbow]

Well to be honest I think I knew deep down that he wasn't going to call so I did it just to know 100% then I could know and move on if it didn't work out instead of getting my hopes up for a lot longer and being more disappointed.

[Batya33]

Well to be honest I think I knew deep down that he wasn't going to call so I did it just to know 100% then I could know and move on if it didn't work out instead of getting my hopes up for a lot longer and being more disappointed.

 

Here's what I would do instead - no expecations until and unless there is a specific confirmed date - until then he is off your radar - and if he doesn't call that is all the confirmation/closure you need. That way, at least you save your pride and don't feel like you're chasing men.

[meiyainter]

O my..... I'm not sure how attractive physically you are, but you don't sound too nice... Just like you said, you aren't attracted to ugly guys, maybe those guys aren't attracted to you (not saying you're ugly, just saying...)

and i'm interested in seeing just how you look like, if you so claim.