errgh... ex boyfriend recurring dreams

[Nymphonia]

Hey

I was with my ex boyfriend for almost two years and I haven't been in touch with him for about three months - we split at Easter. However, recently I have been having dreams about him almost every night.. I thought it might be my conscious or something because the break up was horrible and I initiated it as he wasn't treating me properly.

 

So I emailed him a few days ago saying, I know this is random but I'm sorry about how it ended and I hope you can forgive me and look back on happy memories someday without feeling bad about it.

 

He emailed back saying, I haven't got any happy memories and I was never in love with you. I'll always wish we were never together.

 

This has really thrown me and upset me a great deal because I was deeply in love with him and I left the relationship because he was treating me like crap and I couldn't deal with it any more. I feel like I was the only one in the relationship who cared or felt love.

 

Thoughts? x

[annie24]

yikes! ouch! I am so sorry, that sounds painful! well, just remember to why you left him (treated you badly). it looks like he is still the same person as before, given the response he sent.

 

I don't think you should have any more contact with him. he does sound very hurtful.

 

just focus on healing. tons of people get their hearts broken only to meet the new love of their lives shortly after that. you deserve a man who isn't mean to you.

 

good luck

[rightfromthestart]

his ex-ex. its easy to make mistakes via email. did you use you fake email addy to contact him? maybe you sent the email to the wrong cahp? you know like when you dial a wrong number and say, 'hi is moana the vampire there?' [because you like to kid around] and someone's dad answers and says 'julie, its for you'

 

or maybe this person is just a grumpy old bugger

 

hmmmmmm....or he is on drugs or that operation he was supposed to have really didn't turn out the way everyone had hoped.

 

my advice is - be nice to the nice and don't allow grumps to ruin yer day

[lunatic]

Holy Frickin crap!!!!

 

Thats gotta hurt like hell to hear that from someone you love(d). Hun this should re-inforce the reasons why you left him in the first place. With a significant other like that who needs enemies?

 

If I were you I would stop all contact ASAP! Then I would start working on you to better yourself with things about you that you don't like. Now is the time to take control back of your life and emotions. Do something you always wanted to do, or volunteer somewhere. Just keep busy and stop thinkin about him all the time.

 

Find other things to keep your mind occupied so you don't have time or the energy to think about the whole mess. He treated you badly and he does not deserve the time of day anymore. To hell with him as he lost the best thing he ever had (you!).

 

Good luck,

Hub

[doyathink]

He is bitter! He still loves you...he doesnt want to admit it because he is in a lot of pain!

[Captain34]

one thing i would advise everyone who posts on hese forums is that the issues being discussed are not static - they are dynamic in every sense of the word. moreover, the fact that such deep seeded emotions and complex relationships are being discussed means that you will often receive contrasting advice ono what to do. this is often due to the differences between those who reply, but can also be contributed to the fact that none of us can intimately know whats really going on in anyone else's relationship. plus, i think we can assume that although this site offers anonimity, it is still human nature to tell our side of the story.

 

my advice? if you are having dreams to this extent then you must have a deep desire to come to some sort of closure that brings peace of mind with it - and it seems that you need to be on good terms for that to happen. you broke it off, and im sure that hurt your ex deeply, regardless of what you may have interpreted. often times men disguise genuine hurt by being angry. I wouldn't advise you to expose yourself to ocntinued negativity...BUT, I do think that making another attempt at contact would be a good thing for teh following reasons:

 

1) Then you can be sompletely satisfied that you made a concerted effort to better your terms.

 

2) Another attempt at contact will clear some things up. If he really doesn't want to hear from you again he'll make that clear. A second attempt could very well show him that you aren't making contact just out of guilt or lonliness, but rather because after gaining perspective and putting some thought into things, you feel it is the right thing to do. this might allow him to let down his defenses and see the truth in your attempt. don't get me wrong, he may still act a bit defensive. but maybe down the road your attempts will be recognized by him as they should be.

 

in any case, ifyou were to contact him again i would put some thought into what you would say. sleep on it for a few nights. but most importantly, don't make contact having any expectations. if you do it, do so because you think its right regardless of his reaction.

[doyathink]

often times men disguise genuine hurt by being angry

As do women. It's easier to deal with anger than to deal with pain! the brain seems to handle things better than the heart!

[rightfromthestart]

true story [my online adventures in la-la land - simply one of many chapters in this novel]

 

many, that is just one chapter.

[doyathink]

WOW! I felt every word you just wrote rightfromthestart!

[rightfromthestart]

its amazing how clear the written word appears when u take pen in hand with honesty. and unfortunately, or fortunately, that is but one of many experiences i had over an extremely short period in my life. so much happened in the blink of an eye, but my mind is a camera, it takes snapshots constantly and sometimes it takes a while for the film to develop - but it always does. i am at a place now where i can recount these events without bias or lack of focus. it has been a nice reward.

[poetsheart]

I know how you feel, I have posted here about having dreams about my ex... and I still do. I just tell myself before I go to sleep now, not to dream of him... sometimes it works... I just think it's because I was so in love, and it's a challenge to get over that. Like you, my ex never treated me well and it ended.... I was so in love and he treated me like crap... I have been doing strict nc for over 3 months now, trying to heal and get on with life... the dreams are only natural because you cared....