Made my first change today

[Sinead]

decided to make a few changes in my life to help me rid myself of my ex and to move on properly (tho I would still take him back). Someone on ENA advised me to start making changes in my lifestyle so did my angel cards.

 

Went for a half an hour run to start me off on my fitness. Ran around the pier. Couldnt believe how unfit i was. after few mins of running the backs of my lower legs were excruciating. had to sit down somewhere and message the muscles. God it was SO sore. Never knew I was so unfit. But I got back up. Ran and walked, ran and walked, listening to my Fergie CD and I came back home sweating but it was good. I felt good after it and i enjoyed my run.

 

So do make a change to your lifestyle while you're going thru your heartbreak. Its amazing what one little change can do. Gonna do my run every day, and after a few weeks i'll bring it up to an hour. thats my goal.

[iceman85]

Thats great to hear sinead, its all about doing the things for ourselves after something like a breakup because so many of us lose who we really are, by getting up and helping ourselves we speed up the road to recovery and better days so much. Keep up the good work.

[Sinead]

Thanks iceman. I would like to get myself together as soon as I can because then i would be able to spend time properly and give other ppl some advice. My advice lately sucks cos i still cant see the wood for the trees properly. I have to move on i just have to. i couldnt afford to go out and meet ppl because i was unemployed but i just found out today I got a job! Im delighted. And im taking vitamin tabs too.

 

I still drink 2 or 3 times a week and i need to cut it down or out completely. That would be a huge change and I hope soon it will come.

 

I have been reading some of your posts Iceman and I would love to be able to give you some good advice that might help. But as I see it i really feel you have really proved yourself to your ex and its a shame it hasnt hit her. I really really hope you get what you want.

[Sinead]

after being at rock bottom for so long, its time for me to finally go UP!

 

That should go for everyone.

[ibenhad]

I kinda like the bottom. Been here so long Im used to it. No pity just the facts. However your right the only way when down this low is up. Do cool it on the drinking though as I am doing the same thing and scared myself when I drank from 7am till around 9pm almost straight on Sunday and barely caught a buzz. UGH!!!! No hangover either. Beer good, same liver for life better....

[thlst3]

I'm glad you're making a change today. Like you, I've been trying to make small changes in my life. I just wanted to thank you for your posting. After reading your post, I decided to change one thing today as well. I stopped checking to see if my ex was online. Not even once today.

 

Thanks again and good luck.

[iceman85]

Yeah ive caught myself drinking more and I do everything I can to avoid it, if that means going to bed early then it means going to bed early. Whatever I can do to get myself away from it. Its not bad once inawhile, but if im sitting here pitying myself and getting smashed on my own its not good at all.

 

Sinead if you have some advice for me i'd love to hear it. Where I stand now is that you know we've talked, last night was really good it was a normal conversation that went pretty well for once, I asked her flat out if she was with anyone else and she said no. I left an away message earlier about how I didnt know anymore, and she immediatley sent me a message asking about what. When I told her it was about someone I liked she pushed me to know who, then she got mad when I wouldnt tell her and told me stop talking to her.

 

Then I told her that it was her, that its hard for me to talk about it with her, she just kept saying that I shouldnt hide it. Then she asked me all these questions about why I still care about her considering its been 4 months and we havent seen each other that much. I told her that there was just something so special there with us that I cant help but to still feel how I do. She then told me that maybe that works for me. She then told me she was sorry but I should probably get over her.

 

After that I signed off and pretty much broke down, I came back online and she messaged me right away and we had a really good conversation that didnt involve our past.

 

I'm seeing her on Saturday and I dont know what to do, shes coming up to my school for a show, and I want to just let everything out to her, I want to tell her that we either do this now or we can forget about it because I cant take this limbo anymore.

 

What would you suggest I do? This girl has told me before that nothing would ever happen, then says we should work on things, then nothing happened, then it goes up and down, a fight, a good day, never talk to me again, leave me alone, then she jumps to talk to me, i leave her alone and she calls going crazy saying im ignoring her.

 

She only just recently took me off of her myspace, and both of our facebooks we left that we were still in a relationship until she just took it off after a fight the other day.

 

I dont get her, I really care about her but she seems to have changed alot and is depressed and confused about life. She seems hurt by the fact that she thinks that I influenced her school decision which she now hates, she thinks that I always lied to her when in reality the lying would happen here and there and the worst thing I ever lied about was when an ex contacted me and I didnt let her know about it because it was no big deal since I loved her so much and the ex didnt mean a thing.

 

I dont think she trusts me at all.

[shikashika]

good to hear it...

 

I bike and run a lot anyway, so in a way it was something that i found easy to continue through the breakup... even though it feels horrible and that you aren't motivated to do ANYTHINg... even half hour of exercise make me feel better... not magic, but better!

 

glad to hear it!

[Sinead]

Iceman I dont feel happy with the way things are goin on with you and your ex. I really really feel she just wants you as a friend right now, and nothing else. Take her at her word. When you turn away from her, she comes running but when you turn to her she shies away. That baffles me,.i just dont get it. Iceman you have to do NC with her. You're in way too much contact with her and you're the one getting hurt not her by the sounds of it. Read over your last post there and try to look at it from outside the box. Whos head between the two of you is getting wrecked? who is moving on here? Who is the one doing the trying?

 

I dont see any NC being initiated here by you. I know why you wont do that tho cos you dont wanna hurt her. Fair enough but why are you letting yourself get hurt? Why do that to yourself? Im glad i initiated NC with my ex cos i dont know what he's doing or who hes doing it with and im damn glad cos it wud tear me to know my ex is with someone. Thanks to ENA I initiated NC and by God its very hard but its working. Its actually working for me.

 

My advice. Do NC - if she calls just make some excuse that you cant talk and keep doin that otherwise dont answer. She wants you as a friend and shes checking up on you to see that your still there. I feel shes treating you like a second resort.

 

Respect yourself Iceman. SHOW her your not a second resort and you know how to do that.....

[Sinead]

As for the drinking guys yeah i will be dead honest with all of you - 2/3 times a week i get a shoulder of bacardi and diet coke and drink it alone. i know obviously that is stupid of me to be doing that and i really want that to change soon otherwise my health is gonna drop big time (and thats putn it mildly) but the thing is I like the buzz as do we all and thats why we drink. I just need to find a way to get a buzz without alcohol.

[iceman85]

I believe your right Sinead, its been so hard for me to do. The problem is I am seeing her Saturday and I want to lay it all out and have it be make or break day. Maybe I shouldnt do that? I dont know but all I know is I have saturday coming up on me, I want to stop this cycle and I want to be with her again.

[Sinead]

Iceman it sounds like you have already had these talks with her and all you get is a negative answer. Maybe if you try the NC method, she might actually start having more respect for you because right now you are ALWAYS THERE right where she wants you.

 

Its a mystery as to why ppl who have been with someone for years comes out of it and messes around with their ex like that. I would rather be dumped and have the guy say to me "Im not interested anymore. Im sorry. I can be your friend but thats all". Something in that line you know like what yer man from flippin Spiderman said to Mary Jane at the end of the first movie (I know crap metaphor but it does the job) or if the two completely ignore each other.

 

But this " I want you" "I dont want you" blah blah. That is SO rude.

 

Iceman you do what you feel is best about Saturday - if you feel you want to meet her and have one last dive at it, do but be prepared for what will be the outcome. You're a really nice decent man Iceman and im sorry you have to go through this cos I know it hurts bad.

[sillygurl]

Sinead,

I'm thrilled to hear how much better you're doing! Congrats on the job and the run you go girl!

 

Iceman, I have to agree with Sinead, it's your head getting wrecked, and the girl is being inconsiderate with her indecision. Definitely show her you're NOT a second resort. You're worth more than that!

[Sinead]

Sillygurl (change your username please cos u are not a sillygurl)

 

thank you so much for congratulating me on my first change. It builds my incentive. I really appreciate that. Thank You.

 

I really Enotalone so much!

[Sinead]

i meant to say "I really love Enotalone". sorry i get thick sometimes.

[sillygurl]

Ha! Sinead, I didn't think about my name when I chose it, I guess I don't seem so silly on here, huh?

 

hee hee...Well, I certainly am in person! That's my ex's favorite thing about me, how silly I can be. Whenever things get tough for him or with us, I do something silly to make him laugh and everything is all better. I talk to him using different voices or make up words that sound ridiculous... once 'my cat' emailed him to tell him she thought he should know I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I put on bunny ears for easter and buy him weird little toys, or say something ridiculous when he's bummed out, or whatever until he can't help but laugh at the idiocy. That is the origin of my name, but I'll see if I can change it.

 

Have a great day!