NC and did it work for you

[ibenhad]

I'm on week 1 and a day and wondering how many people this "game" worked for. Give me a reply as to if it worked or not and how long. This is really not a fun thing to do and probably painful for both parties if the other party really loves you.

[Dako]

What "game" are you playing?

NC works fine to start healing, but it's lousy for fixing relationships.

Communication works better.

[MewSkitty]

When my first GF broke up with me, she said she loved me as a friend and wanted to stay friends. I started to get mad at her for breaking up with me, and I still loved her. I didn't want to hurt her by saying something I didn't mean, so I chose NC. 2 months later I tried to call her to try and be friends again, but the phone would just ring with no answer. I called every day for the next 2 weeks, still no answer. By now she probebly moved with her family to someplace new. If I didn't choose NC I would still have a good friend. NC is one thing I'll regret my whole life.

[lost_status]

With my first boyfriend we went into NC for more than a year and it was great, we both healed up, we are friends now and dont mind talking to each other.

 

With my 2nd boyfriend, we get into NC for a few months then met up again and try and work things out, it never works though lol...Ive stopped meeting with him because its a waste of time.

 

With my 3rd boyfriend Im still in NC and I'l never talk to him again!

 

And with my ex, well we are friends, but we dont talk as much, we never really went to NC and I dont think we will due to our situation.

 

Bottom line.... NC doesnt work in all situations.

[nicholas_the_great]

Well anyone who tells you to do NC is full of crap. Also, anyone who tells you not to do NC is full of crap. It really depends on your situation. I've found that if you are the one who is broken up with, NC is a really good way. I was with a girl for almost a year, and she broke up and wanted to be just friends. I didn't want to lose such a great person as a friend, so I stayed in contact, i.e. no NC. This proved to be the wrong decision. We couldn't be together, either as boyfriend/girlfriend or as friends.

 

But in another situation, NC would be bad. If you both truly wanted to salvage your courtship as a friendship, NC will obviously not work.

 

Long answer to say that it may or may not be the way to go.

[laboheme]

What do you mean by NC working? I'm assuming you want to know how many people got back together...but if somebody successfully gets over their relationship and can move with their life, that's also an example of NC working.

 

I'm not one to talk, I'm not doing NC myself...but I feel that there are so many different experiences out there that trying to use them to judge your own situation won't do you much good...Because yes, some people do NC for a week and reconcile. Some people do NC for years and reconcile. Some people do NC for a month and realize that they really didn't love their ex as much as they did and are ready to move on. Some people are still in NC after years and still missing their ex like crazy and can't have another good relationship...The possibilities are endless, my friend, and every situation is unique.

[aymee_lee]

When my bf and I broke up, he wanted NC. I thought we could be friends but looking back it was WAY too soon. We were NC for about 6 months then out of the blue, he asked me for coffee. We stayed in contact every now and then, meeting up for coffee.

 

18 months after we broke up we got back together. But I don't think NC played a big part in that. I think he was just really hurt and needed to heal. Me too

 

But the above posters are right- you don't do NC to get your ex back, you do it to heal yourself, and it's not right in every situation. It depends on the circumstances.

 

But from my expereince, NC helps you to heal without the confusion of always seeing the ex and not being sure of what you want. In my situation, I found that if you do NC and you still love and want to be with that person later on, then go for it. At least you know you're doing it because you want to be with them, not because you never gave yourself a chance to learn to live without them.

[joyce1412]

it's definitely not a game. there's no way i could have any kind of friendship with my ex right now, and i probably won't ever. i think i will always feel weird about seeing him with someone else. thereforeeee, we probably can't realistically be friends.

 

i'm in NC because i decided that if my ex didn't want a love relationship with me, i wouldn't be willing to do anything else. i've never second-guessed this decision. it was the right thing to do for me. i want to make as much room in my heart as possible for the next person i love.

[Rain__man]

Everybody here is right... everyone takes a breakup differently, and every breakup is for a different circumstance. NC is NOT for making someone miss you or want you back. They have to do that on their own, and NC or not, it will or won't happen. Usually it won't, so once you've spoken your peace, told them you love them and wish you could work it out, the best thing to focus on is your own healing.

[shikashika]

actually I have just found that NC is not for me... and I feel a whole lot better for it!

 

i did NC with my ex for 6 weeks.. I never even spoke to him, emailed him MSN'd him once since the day he dumped me.

 

I ran into him unexpectedly yesterday..and there wasn't much contact.. a brie hello how are you and thats it.

 

Because I never even contacted him once and never told him what I thought, I've kept it bottle up inside for 6 weeks... trying so hard witht he Nc.

 

Wellt oday I decided I'd email him, tell him how I felt.. and tell him that I do not want to be friends with him... and.. I feel SO MUCH BETTER!!

 

I guess I did NC for 6 weeks and it was torture... and everyone said don't email him don't contact him... but now that I've sent this email i feel waaaay better! adn I honestly don't care if he responds or not.

Every situation is different...sometimes we learn the hard way what works and what doesn't work for us... but its imposisble to give the same advice and think it will work for everyone!

[usababe]

I'm a strong believer in NC or at least LC. I applied NC the second my ex broke up with me and I don't think he expected it, it helped me move on and get used to not having him in my life until 2 months after that he started contacting me saying he missed me, made a mistake etc. we spoke for a few weeks but he was still confused as to what he wanted so I applied it again, it's now 2 months later and he's started to e-mail me again. We're talking as if we're still going out, flirting and teasing eachother but I don't know if it means anything I'll just have to wait and see.

If you have something strong I think NC works because it makes them miss you and realise what they've thrown away, but most importantly it helps you to heal and move on if they do not initiate contact.

[Sinead]

"Well anyone who tells you to do NC is full of crap. Also, anyone who tells you not to do NC is full of crap."

 

Nicholas I know how you feel cos i was feeling a bit like the whole NC thing is crap but i can honestly say it is not. Everyone here who says NC is the way to go are 101% correct. I hate doing NC. It has been 3 months of NC for me and my ex. I was the dumper but believe me with very good reasons. He was the one who didnt want me but still stuck with me cos he like the idea of having a gf to praise him while he spends more time without me and im jus there whenever he needs me.

 

Anyway i couldnt stay friends with him even tho we were together for nearly 4 yrs cos can you imagine how i would feel if he turned around and told me he was dating someone. In fact i dont think i could ever deal with that. when I first went out with him he was in contact with his ex before me (and he was with her for only 3 months before she broke off with him) she stayed in contact throughout the 4 yrs we were nearly together. They didnt get back (well i hope not) but he told her a few weeks after they split up that he was with me.

 

I really feel NC is the best thing for me and my ex. i am moving on with my life to the best of my ability but my heart is sore and i cry quite a bit for no reason. I would always be willing to work things out with him but NC has shown me that for now he is happy with the split, he doesnt want me. He might want me later on he might not. I pray to the angels for help and I got an angel reading the other day and it was very coincidental that i asked a qs about my ex and if he will find me again and I picked out a Romance card. It looked positive but the card mentioned something about me changing myself first - exercise is something i have to do. (im overweight now )

 

NC has helped me to move on - im still heartbroken to the ends of the earth but i feel it would be a lot worse if i wasnt doing NC.

 

With NC your ex cant hurt you. And Nicholos NC has brought ppl like Laboheme said. I have read success stories. NC can bring exes back but if it doesnt at least it did something. It helped you move on. i am getting on with life but i still love Colin with all my deepest heart.

[qwertie]

I'm a believer in NC, but only in the sense that it helps you move on and get yourself together. Using NC to get someone back can be tricky. Of course they say absense makes the heart grow fonder. But what happens when the familiarity sets in again?

 

My situation is very similar to Sinead's (i think we may have been with the same guy even ). I wanted out of the relationship, but he moved on so quickly. I'm still working on letting loose of the relationship and he's getting over a crush he claims to have developed days after we split.

 

These days i'm having more contact with him than I think I can handle. We are in the process of splitting our stuff and I really find it hard to say "go away" when you've had a connection for so long. And he's being so helpful, which I shouldnt take as anyting special since he was the same with his previous ex.

 

But I've had times since the split where contact was so limited that you can call it no contact and during that time I actually felt better. I felt that I was letting go and moving on...

 

Of course, every situation is different and it usually comes down to what works best in your situation, but I can certainly say that if your relationship is on "hold" or broken up, NC helps to let you move on.

[super_dave0001]

i believe that NC can do 2 things... first, it helps you heal urself because if u still love ur ex deeply, knowing they have a new bf/gf would hurt u deeply no?... atleast not knowing wut there upto and keeping urself busy helps u heal, esspecailly if ur around the right ppl afterwords....

 

second, i believe absense makes the heart grow fonder, that being said, u disapearing from ur ex can sumtimes make them wonder about u, wut ur doing and it impacts there life... in turn possibly making them realise wut a great person u were and that they made a mistake... but like i always say to myself, if u do NC and they contact u, then thats there choice, but its ur choice to contact them back...