Man why couldn't this happen when I was single? (longish)

[valiantv]

Not really a question as such... just something that happened. This involves a few names so try to keep up.

 

Just back from holidays with my gf, Jeanie, I had to meet another friend of mine, Steve, for a night out... She wasn't coming as she was so tired from the holiday... and she doesn't really know them anyway.

 

Anyway, Steve brought his girlfriend Courtney who brought her friend Ellen and a few others. We all went to the bar, got a bit drunk and headed off to a night club.

 

Now in the club I could see Ellen and Courtney chatting away and looking in my direction, and giggling, you know what I mean. Some time later they head off to the toilet, and Steve tells me that Ellen really likes me and what did I think... Now he knows about Jeanie, I said, "No", and he said, "Fine", just letting me know as friends do.

 

Time passes by, people intermingle, we all have a bit of a laugh, and the next thing, Ellen is coming on to me really strong. Trying to make conversation... Knowing what's going on, and I assume that she *knows* about Jeanie from her conversation with Courtney, I start trying to be brief and I might have come accross a bit rude in fact (not intentional, I was trying to avoid leading her on, using stand-offish body language and not asking open questions and such.)

 

Soon enough, she asks me up to dance, I say "no", "come on up and dance", "no", then she playfully swipes the beer bottle out of my hand, snatches my hand, pulls me to the dance floor, saying "Look, I know you have a girlfriend". So I think, fair enough, she acknowledges it, nothing wrong with a little dancing or whatever.

 

Not this kind of dancing, however, and she is *still* trying it on, with her back to me, girating up to me, holding my hands to her waste, her head snuggling to my neck. And me there awkwardly fumbling about like a school-kid at his first dance as I try to give her the impression that I am getting into it, and try to figure out how to make a graceful exit, she keeps saying, "Relax" and stuff.

 

Song ends, I say, "I'm going back to the guys" and I do. Back at the guys, I stand as far away as possible from her in our group. And every time I see her, she is looking at me and smiling. I am trying not to look at her, and when I do, I smile back kind of out of politeness. She is back talking to Courtney, heaven knows what they are talking about.

 

Then she comes back over to me to tell me off. "You're being very ignorant to me... Don't think I'm beneath you, I have a university degree." and all this. I say I don't think she's beneath me, and that I don't mean to be ignorant. Thinking maybe my previous display of resistance and unwillingness was enough to give her the message that I am not going to be cheating on Jeanie, I start to make small talk (I don't want to be rude either, like). What do you work at, all that stuff. Now every time I talk to her she has her mouth as if she's expecting a kiss.

 

The night is over now, and we all walk outside, she drags me aside and tries to hold my hand and all that, I keep moving her hand away, and she finally asks, "You don't like me?"

Exasperated, I tell her, feeling I'm being repititious, "I have a girlfriend!"

 

That's the end of that. She walks away, I sigh with relief. She is trying to make her way back into the club, presumably to find Courtney, but everyone else is outside, standing a few metres away. I call her over to the rest of the guys and all of us are chatting again. But Ellen is furious (maybe understandably - read on)

 

She asks her friend Courtney for a cigarette. She starts telling me off again, "Why didn't you tell me earlier you had a girlfriend? You let me make a fool of myself! I'm so embarrassed! I quit smoking a year and a half ago! Now I need a one because of you!"

I said, "You knew I did, you said so", but she denied ever saying it. "And if you have a girlfriend where is she now?"

 

I called Steve aside, (Courtney's boyfriend, the friend I had gone out to meet in the first place) and asked him if Courtney had told her I was going out with someone. He said not only did Courtney tell her, but so had he himself, and he said I was not going to cheat on Jeanie.

 

Needless to say I thought that Ellen was a bit of a psycho. At this stage we had walked on and Ellen had disappeared. I asked where had she gone to, and Steve answered, "Do you care?"... But I didn't want to see her in trouble or anything if she walked off on her own - but I was still mad at her.

 

Then Courtney started giving out to me, as if I had been unreasonable, "What's wrong with you? You should be happy all these women are falling at your feet? I'd love it if men were like that around me?" all this stuff, but she's very argumentative when drunk. I was trying to tell her that that's not the point, yadah yadah yadah...

 

And we all got into a cab and headed home. (We all live around the same area)

 

End of that story, but there's more

 

I have been thinking about it since. Why didn't Ellen get the message when she knew about Jeanie? Because she was drunk? Because she was a bit of a * * * * * and thought, "I'll get him anyway"? But she genuinely looked humiliated then...

 

or... (conspiracy theory hat on)

Was it all masterminded by Courtney with the help of Steve? As it happens - and I didn't mention this above - I know Steve & Courtney don't like her that much, they weren't very happy that she tagged along in the first place, esp. as she was at odds with another one of the guys. Was it all a devious trick by them, Courtney and Ellen did a lot of chatting beforehand, and knowing Courtney it would not surprise me at all if she had encouraged Ellen to go for it... Maybe I misheard her when she said, "I know you have a girlfriend". Maybe Courtney advised her to go for it in spite of Jeanie (like suggested that I *would* cheat). Plus I know Steve is a bullsh*tter. But I never could make the accusation as I have no proof, just a hypothesis.

 

It's a terrible thing to accuse someone of, a rotten thing to do, but it's just not something I would put past Courtney, and her reaction afterwards (about I should be happy) just makes me think that she thought I would like it and didn't care about how Ellen would feel...

 

Now I think I want to meet Ellen and find out what really happened. It's possible I feel sorry for her and I want to know if I should. In hindisight, I was really rude to her, assuming that she knew about Jeanie. But I will probably never meet her again as I only know her through Courtney and there is no point in asking them.

 

Ah well... just had to get all that off my chest. Post a reply if you have any input....

 

Also, as I said in the subject, why couldn't anything like that happen to me when I was single? Was it the challenge of going for an attached man that turned her on? Or is it just coincidence?

[avman]

Don't meet Ellen. You will be playing with fire as it is clear she's interested in you. You did what you had to do in order to stay faithful to your girlfriend. That was the right thing to do. If anything, you should have been more direct with her earlier in the evening telling her - "look, I have a girlfriend so nothing is going to happen here".

[chai714]

I agree with Avman.

 

What Ellen did to you was push you to your limits. After pushing you to your limits, she began blaming you for her foolish behavior.

 

Even if you were single, Ellen wouldn't be a good pick in my opinion. Anyone who holds someone else accountable for their own behavior is literally out of control.

[Sad_now]

Well, I think whatever happened doesn't really matter. You know you tried to do the right thing. If anything, Ellen herself should confront Steve and Courtney if in fact they did encourage her to go for it - because obviously they knew about your girlfriend. If she doesn't, then you don't need to launch an investigation either.

 

Don't do anything - just let it be.

[Day_Walker]

I would say that Ellen would not be a person that you want to keep around. Her behavior has showed that she isnt the type of girl that you should be flattered to be hit on by. I would personally leave her alone unless you have a desire to cause a problem in your relationship.

[valiantv]

If anything, you should have been more direct with her earlier in the evening telling her - "look, I have a girlfriend so nothing is going to happen here".

Yeah I know I should, but I thought when she said, "I know you have a girlfriend" that she had accepted that.

 

You guys are probably right about staying away, I'm just really curious, and kind of feel sorry for her. In any case I think it would have been a one-nighter type thing and I think that's what she wanted by what she said and what I heard from the others that she said. Doesn't matter anyway as I will probably never see her again. And if I do it will be the last thing she wants to hear about... and it will be pointless - OK the next day she might feel sick with embarrassment and even a few days on, but she'll get over it and there is no point in anyone dredging it up then, even if she was innocent... If I was to say anything it should have been on the night.

[avman]

Don't worry about what Ellen thinks. Your thoughts should be on your girlfriend and what SHE thinks. Ellen is a big girl. Let her take care of herself.

 

Focus on your girlfriend and don't spend any more energy concerning yourself about Ellen and her issues.

[Momene]

I think if you value your relationship with Jeannie, you did the right think. It is also possible that Steve and Courtney colluded with Ellen to play a joke on you to see how you'd react and it was all a big game.

 

I'd try and get more out of Steve when the girls aren't around.