Schmaltzy Lines and the Men Who Use Them

[finewhine]

So, I've been dating this guy for a few weeks. I am not so gung-ho about the idea of falling into a relationship with anyone because I deeply enjoy being single, and I would like to stress that the following question does not concern the long-term viability of the guy in question. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I'm fairly ambivalent towards relationships in general these days.

 

That said, this possibly the most insistent guy I've ever met. We've hooked up a few times in the last few weeks, so I know his persistence isn't groundless. However, he frequently says things, like: "Spend the night at my place!" "I am trying to seduce you!" "You make me so hot!" Etc., etc., etc. Frankly, it's flattering, but it's also a little trying. However, we do things that this board has defined as dates, such as him taking me out to dinner after calling me. He's doing the pursuing, he texts and calls all the time, we have interesting conversations, all is fine on that front. But-

 

What the bejeezus is going on with this guy? I can't figure out if this is how he operates, or what? He's a well-educated, articulate professional in his mid-twenties, but some of the things he says sound like they've come out of an eighteen year-old frat boy. Oh, here's the best one. We were making out the other night, and I said I needed to go home because I had a job interview the next morning. He said, "I'll take care of you." * * *? Where does he get these lines?

 

My question, distilled - am I dating a "player" or a novice who thinks this is how he should act around women? What's up with the cheesy talk? Has anyone ever encountered this before? I sure haven't!

[LostInMyThoughts]

From what you wrote, his lines don't seem cheesy at all, just direct and not all that creative.

 

Would you prefer lines like "If I made the alphabet, I would put U and I together?"

 

I'm not sure what you are expecting a guy to say, but I dont see anything wrong with what he's said so far.

[finewhine]

Really? So this is normal guy behavior? Wow! I have much to learn. I am not one to judge because I've typically dated really serious, somewhat reserved guys. I do like him! I do! I'm just baffled.

 

I actually had someone use the line, "Do you have a quarter, cos my momma told me to call her when I found the woman of my dreams." I would not trade that memory for anything.

[rose2summer]

Well, it is probably normal guy behavior but imagine all the other woman he has used these lines on.

 

I would be hesitant if a man is this forward. He should act, not say, because it really kills the romantic mood.

[finewhine]

So Rose, do I read you right? You're saying he's a player, right?

 

Agree with you completely about killing the mood!

[LostInMyThoughts]

He may have said those things to other women, that doesn't mean his a player.

 

If you don't like him givng you verbal cues, tell him when things aren't hot and heavy, that you would like him to not be so verbal about his thoughts.

 

The girls I've dated, loved hearing stuff like "You make me hot." when things were getting steamy.

[rose2summer]

Well, I say it's unique to the woman. If a guy needs to say "Spend the night at my place!" "I am trying to seduce you!" "You make me so hot!", I would be walking out the door, because I think it's really cheesy and kills the romance.

 

I would think he is a player, but that's just my opinion, but then again LIMT thinks otherwise. I agree with the "You make me hot" line is nice, if things are hot and steamy, but some of the other lines he made, would make me laugh. If he really wants you that much, he would make you feel unbelievably special and not have to make cutesy comments to win you over.

[chai714]

A player is defined by the numbers of women he "dates" not by his cheesy lines.

 

Who knows what he really means when he says these things. My take is that as long as you continue seeing him and being intimate then whatever he's doing a good enough to keep you around. If he's taking you to dinner, getting to know you, respects you, and puts in time then he probably really cares. But, if he calls you up only to come over and fool around then his intentions with you are purely sexual.

[byates5637]

I don't see any problem here. What is wrong with a guy who asks the girl he is seeing to spend the night? It makes you a cheesy player if you tell your girl to spend the night? I'm lost on this one....

[ducky]

I shan't comment on whether he's a player - you be the judge - but I can assure you that HE IS NO NOVICE. Most of the guys who have no idea how to behave around ladies will appear to be shy in front of ladies they like.

 

I'd reckon that he has tried those lines before, and has had a fair amount of success with them, that's why he's trying the lines on you.

 

Having said so, the decision whether to carry on with this relationship is yours. If you don't mind being intimate with any guy you like, I don't see why the possibility of him being a player should be an objection. If you're looking for commitment or a life long partner, perhaps it's time to evaluate him further.

[finewhine]

byates - you're right to be confused. I'm confused. As I said, I have limited experience dating non-serious, non-reserved guys. Point taken.

 

Chai - point taken. He is courteous and calls and takes me out to dinner and all that stuff, so I'll stop being concerned.

 

Finally, I don't much care if he's a player. I wasn't using that word derisively. I've just never dated anyone so insistent, just reserved guys who were almost shy, romantically. I think I prefer this sort of dating experience cause it feels less serious, in a way.

[annie24]

hm. maybe he is just "trying too hard." sometimes when a person goes to too much effort, it can be a turn off.

 

do you feel that he really likes you and respects you otherwise? if so, and you two become an established couple, i bet the cheesy lines will die down a bit....

[ImThatGirl]

I don't think the question should be whether he is a player as much as:

 

Is he just a smooth talker????

 

I've dated smooth talkers and prefer not to ever again. Heck, I've been a smooth talker too. Doesn't mean that there's any substance behind the comments, they are sometimes just said almost jokingly, seriously, and to get what we want really.........

 

Sounds like he's into you though. It's not like he's only saying those lines, he's also courting (dating) you.

 

Good luck!