please help...pregnant and so confused

[ensign_19]

Hi I am 23yrs old. In my final year as a student nurse. I live in london. 4 months ago I met a 23yr old south african guy...we fell in love and I am 6 weeks pregnant now. none of us have any family here. My parents are dead and I have no other supportive relations while his family are back home. his visa expires in august and he has to go back to south africa then.

 

He is not keen on having a child yet and thinks abortion would be the best option because he says we dont know each other for long enough to make that sort of commitment to each other. He is afraid that if I have this child he will HAVE to be supportive and might end up resenting me because he cant let me bring up the child on my own. he is not financially stable and he rather I not have the child and wants to do things the right way (ie get to know each other properly and then if things are going well and we are sure about each other, get married and then start a family when we are both stable and can truly provide confidently for our famliy), I love my boyfriend and want things to work out.

 

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome and when it was diagnosed doctors told me it might be difficult for me to get pregnant so I am quite surprised that I did. I am very confused as at one moment I feel it will be wrong for me to have an abortion but the next minute thinking that maybe he is right and being realistic about this whole thing. I am not sure about my own feelings, I dont know If im truly mentally ready to have a child myself or whether at this moment I am in a position to provide for the child well. I am having very mixed emotions. confused about what is the right thing to do and what is best for the child.

[Joi_75]

and I quote,

 

"does it really matter who disagrees with you or who doesnt. i really feel that we should just do whatever feels right in our heart. over analysing things can confuse the hearts true desires . best of luck. Love yourself always."-YOU!

 

just take own advice, and listen to your heart

 

in my opinion, abortion is NEVER the best option. If u really don't want to raise the baby, u should consider adoption. There are plenty of loving couples who want, but can't have children of their own.

 

Children are a huge blessing, and this baby could be the best thing that's ever happeneded to you, and maybe even the only baby that will ever happen for you.

 

As far as being mentally ready, I don't think anyone is ever really "ready" for parenthood...I have an 8 yr old who is still throwing surprises my way every day, and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

 

hope this helps some...take care

[skyjuice]

Based on the syndrome you have, I agree with the previous poster, this child might me the only child you will ever have.

 

We have to responsible for our actions. If he wants to do things the right way, then there shouldn't be unsafe sex at the first place.

 

IMO, he resenting you for raising a child by your own and suggesting an abortion is just an excuse for him to get out of this situation.

 

Do what you think is right for you, because at the end of the day the person you need to face is yourself.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

Seeing your syndrome I think you should first of all talk with your obgyn. I think she can advise you. That you got pregnant now, may mean that it's not as difficult as they thought. A lot of women don't even get pregnant in the first half year of intensive trying! It's a weird reality

 

Then in addition, you chose to have unprotected sex. This is risky for more reasons than getting pregnant. I don't want to worry you more than you already are, but I think you should get yourself tested for STI's and HIV as soon as possible (3 months after the last time you didn't use condoms). What do you know about his sexual past? He is coming from a country were a lot of people are infected. Please get yourself tested (it's recommendable for everyone to get tested for all STI's including HIV if they want to stop using condoms in a monogamous relationship).

 

I think he's honest about how this complicates things, but I don't think he takes resposibility. It takes TWO to have (unsafe) sex, and every time you have sex, there is a chance to get pregnant. I think he is looking for a way out, and I think that you may want to decide to keep the baby or not apart from that.

 

I hope you will visit your OBGYN asap. She can also refer you for bloodwork on hiv and take a smear for other STI's.

 

Take care hun. We are here for you whatever you decide or happens.

 

hugs,

 

Ilse