Can you fall in love with someone...

[Batya33]

I think you can fall in love with the image you have of them from typing and talking on the phone - but most of the time that is not the same as loving the person in real life. Also, falling in love doesn't mean much until you have spent in person time with the person on a consistent basis - then you can see if falling in love turns into loving actions that continue on both your parts over time even when that headiness fades.

[sparkle1]

Really interesting views....

 

thank you for all postin! Keep going...if you have anything you would like to add...

 

X

[vesper]

but who we are communicating with?

 

....our own subconscious mind ?

 

....maybe we are falling in love with ourselves , the self that never existed!?!

 

....like a journey to the center of the earth or 20,000 leagues under the sea, or even innerspace!! Portions of 'us' that are hidden ....and by talking to people online they help us discover things about ourselves....they help us to uncover the hidden..... and maybe that leads to love ?!?!?!

[keef]

check out time

[need2bme]

Sure. I think it is possible. You have to be smart enough though to know that you need to actually meet them to be sure.

[vesper]

yes. meeting people in person is kind of crucial if you want things to elevate from an online romance to something else.

[sparkle1]

I'm posting back on the thread that i originally started!

 

We met....

 

He was even better in real life!!! truly yummy and amazing.

 

I am a firm believer - you can love someone before you meet - and you can continue to love once you've met...

 

 

 

 

Now what he would say is another matter all together lol

 

x

[PLC]

From my own experience with one guy who said he loved me at the first sight even we've never met, it may lead to illusion and lot of imagination. We finally met and broke up for few months. He might love the image of me, not the real me.

[Yvette84]

I'm majorly in love with this guy right now, that I've never met, we talk alot, but never physically met, but YES I love him

[monkey1]

He might love the image of me, not the real me.

 

Ditto. I *think* you can believe you love someone, but I think really it's more the "idea" or "image" of that person you love, not the actual person because impressions online can be interpreted very differently based on the person.

 

I think love happens in person, not online.

[sparkle1]

My original post should be erased.....

[rightfromthestart]

i think people sometimes get confused between love and attraction. i think it u can get attracted to someone without meeting them [attraction caused by the use of just some of your senses] but you fall in love with them when all senses come into play and when you start sharing and building experiences and memories together instead of in isolation. i think relying on all senses [taste, touch, etc.] and knowing it feels right then - that is the litmus test. for example - have u ever seen some that looks ok, not totally dreamy, and have written back and forth and it makes u want to discover more? then you here their voice and suddenly that ok person looks dreamy? just curious.

[sparkle1]

I think on line dating has opened up a world of opportunities but the reality is just the same....at the end of the day technology may have moved on, but we haven't. When it comes to matters of the heart - we lead with our eyes not our senses.

 

This guy 'felt' so right. Being with him 'felt' so right. So how can i get it soooo horrible wrong????????

[rightfromthestart]

"This guy 'felt' so right. Being with him 'felt' so right. So how can i get it soooo horrible wrong????????"

 

i am confused. what did u get wrong? sounds like he got it wrong. remember u didn't dump him - he did. r radar was right, he is the one that got it wrong. don't blame yourself for him leaving. that's his buzz.

[sparkle1]

"This guy 'felt' so right. Being with him 'felt' so right. So how can i get it soooo horrible wrong????????"

 

i am confused. what did u get wrong? sounds like he got it wrong. remember u didn't dump him - he did. r radar was right, he is the one that got it wrong. don't blame yourself for him leaving. that's his buzz.

 

Do you think i should take the hint and back off?

 

I got the love for one another wrong. He said he loved me. I love him. Now he's running....and i don't know what to do!?

 

Help? xx

[rightfromthestart]

i don't understand how the 'blocked' email thing works [so non-techy]. i know this sounds dumb but what about using the phone? leave a message. just an idea.

[sparkle1]

Don't get men!!!!

[rightfromthestart]

does this person have an answering machine? just call and leave a message - and if u don't want to talk on the phone - just tell them to unblock the addy. maybe its just me, but it doesn't sound like hard stuff. i wish u much success.

[Batya33]

I don't think that it necesarily means there was a problem with looks - or any other problem based on something "shallow" (in quotes because to almost all people there has to be at least some physical attraction based at least somewhat on looks) but it could be a number of things that are not apparent through typing and talking - here are some reasons I rejected men who I emailed with a few times and had a few good phone conversations before meeting:

 

-- in person, he had terrible posture - slouched - and not much to say after scinitillating phone calls

-- he invaded my space - i.e. he leaned all the way accross the small table to talk to me and that made me uncomfortable

-- rudeness to waiters (no real way to tell this on the phone/email/IM)

-- cheapness (not offering even to pay for my $2 cup of coffee or soda

-- lying about looks in a significant way - 6 inches shorter than he said he was, paralyzed face that he didn't tell me about (it was the lie that was more of the problem)

-- a hostile/negative vibe obvious only in his body language/aura/energy - can't explain it, again nothing you would be able to tell really on email/phone/IM

-- ultra feminine characteristics (a personal turn off for me)

-- he looked stoned/on drugs

- he was bland/boring in person (because as it turned out he was a pathological liar, so it was easier for him to lie when he wasn't in person

[sidehop]

i don't think you fall in love with the thought of being in love...i think you love that person because you've made a true connection...

 

Yes...and it's a one of a kind feeling I was lucky to experience just recently. And I must say this after 28 years old living my life, I have no doubt in my mind she's the person I've been wanting to meet.

 

The connection...it's so hard to explain in words. It's not all about similarities and having things in common. I met my g/f through eHarmony...and yes it's in the very beginning stage before meeting in person but already within a week we've been talking on the phone couple times a day, emailing back & forth but also the conversation we have is one of a kind.

 

It's not only having someone to talk to about ANYTHING but also being able to understand where she's coming from & know what she's feeling exactly. With that I know the habits and personality she has & our conversation sometimes get really deep. We often joke around, make fun of each other, talk about sex, we're open about anything. Every little thing she says I'm just intrigued and find interest.

 

This relates to the online dating thread in other section I posted but we were VERY HONEST about who we both are & didn't hide anything from the beginning & we truly believe that's what got us together. There are no rules when we talk about things but we still have the deepest respect, undestanding and compassion. It's the first time I can truly feel the other person really care about what I say and think. We both wanted that type of communication and never believed such person existed.

 

I do agree, you don't fall in love to feel love...that's the worst way of thinking how people should fall in love. I definitely have a different definition of falling in love at this point. Everybody will have a different way with different person but you just know when it happens.

 

I still tell her everyday I can't even begin to tell her how 'overwhelming' the feeling I have her for is...it's unreal yet it feels completely secure. She knows this by heart and after discussing about dating sites, etc we're both thinking about closing our account. I even bought tickets today to go see her over Christmas. It just happens when it happens & now I know what people meant.

[Batya33]

I have had similar experiences - among my friends - we have had many similar experiences- and yes it is great to be honest and open and all of that. Still, no amount of honesty and openness takes the place of meeting in person and seeing if you click and have chemistry on a romantic level for all the reasons I stated in previous posts (looks being one of many many reasons why in- person meeting can be radically different from typing and talking.

 

I have heard stories like yours many times and many times I have seen people be dumbfounded that they thought each other was the "One" through typing and talking - built up this image, started making plans - got attached through typing and talking - only to find that in person (and this did not typically have to do with looks, at all) there was no "click" no "spark" no "chemistry" - and because of the attachment and the building up of the on line and phone image it was very hard to accept.

 

There have been couples where it has worked out in person - and yes that is true "magic" where the in person chemistry is aligned with the typing and talking interactions - hopefully that will be the case for you! For me, I was very careful not to get attached or develop an image of the person through typing and talking - all I decided was whether I was comfortable enough to meet in person, I decided that within a few emails and one phone call, and I met in person as soon as possible so that neither of us would invest unncessary time or build up an image of the person that would unrealistically raise expectations. There were two times where the intense chemistry also was present in person. There were many times where we discussed everything under the sun, conversation flowed and then in person - nada, could barely say a word to each other.

 

If you can possibly meet before Christmas I would do so - meet for lunch or coffee "no strings attached" and of course if you click - I hope you do!! - plan other activities during your stay. Avoid the build up if at all possible. Good luck!

[sidehop]

Yes, there's definitely the emotional attachment I'm not trying to get too involved although it does feel like it. And you're right, I won't know til I meet her etc. I guess it does make it easier since we've talked for at least four to five hours a day.

 

I already bought tickets for Christmas so we'll see what happens. But thank you for the encouraging words

[Batya33]

Yes, there's definitely the emotional attachment I'm not trying to get too involved although it does feel like it. And you're right, I won't know til I meet her etc. I guess it does make it easier since we've talked for at least four to five hours a day.

 

I already bought tickets for Christmas so we'll see what happens. But thank you for the encouraging words

 

I know I don't need to tell you what to do - you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders - but talking 4-5 hours a day is too much in my opinion - you will of course build up all sorts of expectations before you meet in person and increase the pressure. Neither of you should be putting aside the fulfilling and hopefully active lives you have to talk on the phone all night.

[insofar]

To the original question: Yes, it is possible to fall in love over the internet (or phone, or what have you). I met my (recent) ex through an online game, and I knew we had something within about a month. When I finally did meet her, the sparks flew almost instantly and we were completely comfortable with each other within minutes of being alone together.

 

Now, the thing I can't tell you, and the thing I think you're probably wondering, is whether what you have is love. That's a question only you can answer. But I'd say give it a chance. I wouldn't have traded my last (long distance) relationship for the world.

[sidehop]

Now, the thing I can't tell you, and the thing I think you're probably wondering, is whether what you have is love.

 

Very good point. It could be in so many different shapes & forms the way each partner express their feeling towards one another. Some could be physical, showing emotions, expressions and others, it could be simple messages, surprises and little things they do to show that they care for one another.

 

I think having all those within a relationship is a wonderful thing