I feel torn between my ex and current girl

[torn28]

This is a long story, but I have been with my girlfriend for a year now. shes a great lady, and really loves me. I do love her very much and we have a great relationship. about a month before my girfriend and i got together, I had just ended a relationship with my first love, becasuse the long distance between us was really hard, especially for her. she wanted to be single and experience before she settled down. but i never doubted her love for me, and i chose not to talk to her because i have a gf. I got into a relationship with my current gf very soon after my ex and i broke up. The thing is, a couple months ago, my ex called me from a blocked phone number a year after no contact, and she told me she wanted to see me. After hearing her voice i felt compelled to see her, and i took her to the beach where we would hng out wen we were together. i felt all my feelings rushing back so fast, and it scared me. she wanted to end things on good tersm since we didnt end on good terms at all. i left her all alone wen she needed me the most, and that relly hurt her.

anways soo after we hung out, i texted her to see if she wnated to hang out again and she agreed. we went back to the beach talked as if we had never been apart. being with her felt so great, and i forgot just how much i miissed her. we went bak to my house to drink a couple beers and watch tv, and she started getting emotional, saying that i hurt her and that she wished things wer different. all i wanted to do was hug her, so wen i asked her for a hug we did.....and holding her for the first time after a year felt so good. I feel HORRIBLE because i know that i am emotionally cheating on my current gf, but i cant help it! she was my first love and i dont know why my feelings are still there after a year of no contact! we hung out again the next day because she left her ipod at my house, and alot of sexual tension was built. wen that happened i told her that i loved my gf, and i was in love and she said she would respect that. she had told me that she was going to try her best to be on a "friends" basis because she cared for me and didnt want me to regret cheating on my gf. i let her sleep over because it wasnt safe for her to drive wen she had been drinking with me, which was my fault for letting that happen. cuddling with her and feeling hr next to me jsut felt so right.

 

it sucks because she has changed SO much...she looks amazing, and has grown to be such a great woman. we havent talked to in 2months since that last night....and im still wiht my gf. she doesnt know anything and i dont want her to not be in my life because shes an amazing woman. i feel horrible for doing this to her. lower then scum, but i could not help it. my ex has not contacted me either...but she said to me "i think things are going to happen with us the way they are meant too" ....and i said i think soo tooo....im so torn i love my girlfriend now and i want to make it work, ive invested so much into that relationship. Im afraid that if i broke up wiht her to be with my ex i could possible lose two woman if my ex changed her mind. my ex clearly is stil in love with me...and i think about that all the time any advice on how to deal with my feelings for my ex?

[doyathink]

Torn

 

I have a problem almost like yours. I am in an ugly marriage and my ex bf just came back from over seas ( he was in the army) he contacted me and it had been three years since we had talked. I know how tempting it is.

 

Think long and hard on this. Your ex may have grown up a bit and realized just what she lost. It may have been the wrong time for the two of you then.

 

Your current deserves your faithfulness and I commend you for being able to keep yourself in control that night. Give yourself some time and think this through.

[itsallgrand]

Ok...it always makes me cringe when I hear "I've invested so much into this relationship..."

 

This isn't banking. It doesn't matter if it's been a month or 12 years: if you're not happy, do something about it.

 

All you need to do is be truthful. You've already crossed the line, and you know it.

 

You can continue to put your own immediete desires first, or you can be real.

 

Real: You're keeping valuable info from your gf, having another woman over for the night, entertaining the thought of leaving your gf all without saying a word to her about where you are at.

 

So, your ex is getting more consideration than your gf. She at least KNOWS what is going on.

 

Interesting that she didn't turn down your offers. What does that say about her?

 

I'm a firm believer in being truthful. If you're hiding or sneaking: you're most likely avoiding some uncomfortable reality/feelings.

 

good luck in coming to your 'decision' (you've already made it, no?)

[torn28]

my ex is very much still in love with me, and she didnt tempt me into being with her. we acted friendly as much as possible but we have a real deep connection. i feel like it will always be that way with her. we didnt kiss or have sex but it was the emotional cheating that im disapointed about. I wish i could turn my feelings off for her, but i can't. i Dont want to leave my girlfriend and i dont want to tell her about my feelings for my ex because it would kill us and our relationship. i hate the thought of hurting her. i made my decision to stay with my girlfriend and see where it goes. my ex completely understood and even said thats wat i should do. she would never take me back knowing i had feelings for someoene else. the fact is ill always love that woman, she was my first.

 

im not even talking to her because i know wut it will lead to. i dont want to cheat because thats not how i am. i just wish i could see my ex with no feelings of love at all....seeing her really make me think

[doyathink]

I have found that we dont always fall out of love with someone just bc we cant be together. I have a love for someone that I will never let go, cant let go! some times we never lose that feeling and it makes us hurt all the more.

[itsallgrand]

Pardon me,...but Pshawww!!

 

Do you think just not seeing her or trying not to think of her will make this go away?

 

Didn't you try that before, and find the feelings didn't resolve themselves that way?

 

It's obviously your life, but you came here for advice, right?

 

I think if you hope to have any sort of lasting, honest relationship w/ your gf you need to come clean and open up to her.

 

Yeah, you may lose her. However, she's already losing you and you didn't even bother to let her in on it.

 

I don't know. I think people make this too complicated. If you're still in love with the ex - leave the gf, and give it a shot, or find out.

[bobo85]

no one has said this yet but you should have gotten over your ex-gf before even starting to get into a relationship with another girl.

 

Also you shouldn't be spending time with your ex-gf so much when you have a gf now.

 

I mean you guys broke up because of the distance.....so maybe you owe it to yourself to give it another shot. And bear in mind that your current gf is gonna be crushed if you follow this route. But you still have to make a decision....your first love or your current love?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

No matter how much you try to rationalize that you are being good to your girlfriend by staying with her, you actually are not because your heart is elsewhere. If you were truly in love with your current girlfriend, your heart would only be with her and you would be staying with her because of her and who she is, not because you invested so much time with her and that if you leave her and try things out with your ex, you may land up with neither of them. You seem to be only thinking about what is in your best interests. Sure, your new girlfriend will be upset if you break up with her, but in time she will get over it and find someone who loves her and only her. To many women, emotional cheating is much more devastating than physical cheating that comes without emotional attachment. It would be devastating for her to find out that while you are with her, you are still pining for your ex. You did not take enough time to heal before embarking on this new relationship and now you are finding that out. Lots of people do the same thing...feel the need to embark on a rebound relationship before getting over their ex.

 

I strongly suggest you break things off with your current girlfriend and either get together with your ex or take some time to figure yourself out. You owe it to your current girlfriend to not string her along and to be with her only if you are with her 150%.

[jackknive]

You have to pick. Simple as that. If you don't three hearts will be hurt. I agree strongly with that crazyaboutdogs said. If you stay with your GF, no contact with the Ex though.. its hard but what your doing now isn't fair to any of you.

 

I have been on both sides of the fence on this one, and its not easy I know

 

Be honest with your girl, which ever you choose, about whats going on and what your real feelings are. Don't put your heart in situations you know is going to be hard or cause problems, or hurt another, its just not worth it to keep her as a friend if you wanna be with your girl, and its not worth staying with your girl just because you invested a lot... I stayed with my ex 4 years, 3 1/2 to long because i felt I had poured to much time, energy and to much of my heart into it to just walk away...

 

Take the time when thinking about the Ex to remember the bad and reasons it ended too.. not just the feelings rekindled at the moment.

[vesper]

You have to really get deep and get in touch with your feelings...think about if you are a better and happier person when are with your gf or with your ex...Once you answer that question about your self, then you will just know if you should be with your ex or your current gf.