gf and best buddy had sex

[shiminimo]

ok so this is not so good. i caught my gf in bed with one of my friends. they both say it was a big mistake and they had to much to drink and things went to far. i do believe that my gf has never cheated on me before but i don't want to let her off the hook so easy and not sure if i should let her off the hook at all. i half believe what she says but don't know what to do. advise me......

[hosswhispra]

Whoa! That's rotten on both of their parts! Yuck!

 

She does not deserve you as her boyfriend and he doesn't deserve you as a friend.

 

I'd get rid of them both. Let them have each other.

[arwen]

Oh I am so sorry for you. I think there is nothing to NOT believe or believe here, you caught them in the act and alcohol does not excuse that. I am sorry, but I think that you will have a hard time trusting her whenever parties or alcohol are involved, she broke it once and you caught her now. What will happen next time if you are NOT there? Or what happened other times?

 

As for the friend, I'd stop calling him your best buddy. His behaviour shows something different.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Closure]

You no longer have a best friend.

 

You CERTAINLY no longer have a girlfriend.

 

There are no other options.

 

I'd never speak to them again but i'd send the best friend some grapes because i'd have beaten him like a dead horse.

[DBL]

So every time your girlfriend gets drunk and sleeps with your friend, it is forgiveable? Can I be you friend? Just kidding.

 

Friends just don't do that. I been drunk enough where I slept with women I may of not of when sober, but I never been drunk enough to sleep with a friends girlfriend or cheat on mine. Don't make excuses for anybody. Everyone is accountable for their actions drunk or not.

 

First thing you need to do is grab your friend and yolk him. If you don't then all your friends will think it is ok to bang your girlfriend if they are all drunk. Plus you look like a whimp letting people sleep with your woman. Second dump her, don't give her no closure on anything. Break it off cold and move on.

 

DBL

[mykeyg]

All I would say is forgive her if YOU want to forgive and if you genuinely think she's sorry. Don't shun her or treat her badly because you think she deserves it you are the only one that can work out how you feel. In other words do what is right don't do what you think you should. I'm sorry I do agree with previous posters, this guy is less than dirt and is in no way a friend. Alcohol is NOT an excuse but it can be a reason. As for your girlfriend only you know. I would give it some time though. Don't say you forgive her until you know you have and can move on with or without her. There are a few things you have to deal with least of all the mental image of actually catching them, I'm sorry mate that must be a hard one. Just take your time, if she genuinely is sorry then she'll give it to you. But remember one thing, what you do now will shape the future, you may be able to reconcile even if it takes years and a few relationships, DO NOT BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

[coollady1957]

That was a pretty low thing for them to do. The drinking is definitely not an excuse. I think they both made a conscious choice to have sex and can't blame it on the alcohol.

 

If she loved you and cared for you as she should then she wouldn't have slept with this guy. If he was such a good buddy and friend he also wouldn't have slept with your girl.

 

It is very difficult to regain trust after a cheating episode. Believe me I tried my darnedest to trust my now ex BF after he cheated on me and I gave him a chance to redeem himself. HE failed on the redemption part , and I was not trusting him anyway. There will always be a level of doubt on whether she is or isn't cheating or lying to you again.

 

I don't think either of them deserve you. I would be on the way to finding someone that deserves you in a relationship and finding a new best buddy.

[Closure]

First thing you need to do is grab your friend and yolk him. Second dump her, don't give her no closure on anything.

 

DBL

 

What does yolk mean? That's a new one for me. I hope it means beat him down because if that was me that bloke would be mush.

 

It's $5 to use my name

[Closure]

DO NOT BURN YOUR BRIDGES.

 

The girlfriend and his 'friend' burnt the bridges.

 

His job now is to NEVER let them rebuild because his train is going somewhere else.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Ok heres my take on this

 

I know just what your going throw as this is what happond to me more or less

 

walk away she sould by now be your XGF not your GF, he dos not matter but she has just walked all over your feelings and should never have drunk that much, Dump her now and say "if you wont me back your going to have to work real hard to get my trusted back" That means a brake for some time and see if she waits for you. If not well you know shes not the one. If she dos take it real slow and see how she acts, she lost your trust remember she has to show you can trust her again.

[Closure]

Want him back? You have way too nice a heart.

 

If someone did that to me they'd need to cut off limbs to get me back and even then i'd just laugh and call them stumpy.

 

 

walk away she sould by now be your XGF not your GF, he dos not matter but she has just walked all over your feelings and should never have drunk that much, Dump her now and say "if you wont me back your going to have to work real hard to get my trusted back" That means a brake or some time and see if she waits for you. If not well you know shes not the one.

[DBL]

What does yolk mean? That's a new one for me. I hope it means beat him down because if that was me that bloke would be mush.

 

Yeah yolking is almost the same as beating them down. The main difference is when you yolk some one, you aren't giving them a chance to talk their way out of it and you are not standing there calling each other names and pushing. So basically if I yolked someone I would walk up grab them by their throat, hair, shirt, etc and beat them down. Now if I lose, then that would mean I was "deyolked".

 

DBL

[Closure]

I learn something new everyday! Thanks!

 

Now you're a veteran

 

 

Yeah yolking is almost the same as beating them down. The main difference is when you yolk some one, you aren't giving them a chance to talk their way out of it and you are not standing there calling each other names and pushing. So basically if I yolked someone I would walk up grab them by their throat, hair, shirt, etc and beat them down. Now if I lose, then that would mean I was "deyolked".

 

DBL

[Shadows Light]

How do you "feel" about catching your GF in bed with your BFriend????

What was your initial reaction and response???

 

Or are you asking .. How Should you feel????

 

Analogy: My 2 year old goes running accross the pavement and falls to her knee's.

 

My Instinct is to... jump. "ohhhh sweetie... are you ok??" She then WAILS.. and has a full blown tear jerker fit.

 

However.. lol. I don't. I wait. 9 out of 10 times she'll look up at me for my reaction. And 9 out of 10 times she doesn't cry. Then I pick her up and tell her she's ok. Tell her NOT to run on pavement again or she'll get an ouchie.

 

Action / Reaction.

 

You are asking us.. what your reaction should be. The fact that you are NOT beside yourself pissed off to high heck... is surprising.

 

You don't think you should let her off the hook. You think there should be consequences. YEP.. I agree. I admire your tenacity and the No-Drama approach. lol. It speaks to me.

 

Talk to your GF.. and simply teller it is unacceptable. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that you "assumed" this was an exclusive relationsip. Drunk or Straight... she crossed the line. And then.. tell her WHAT the consequences of her actions would be if EVER it should happen again.

 

But be prepared to go through with those consequences.

 

Your Friend. Well.. the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence isn't it. When we go to a restaurant.. we always wish we'd ordered what we see at the next plate over don't we? Your buddy needs to be put on notice as well.

[majord23]

If someone did that to me they'd need to cut off limbs to get me back and even then i'd just laugh and call them stumpy.

 

 

 

[DBL]

How do you "feel" about catching your GF in bed with your BFriend????

What was your initial reaction and response???

 

I'm thinking he wasn't too excited about it. I could be wrong though. Some peope are turned on by that. Personally I would of taken care of it on the spot and then threw them out naked.

 

To Closure

I learn something new everyday! Thanks!

 

Now you're a veteran

 

Hey no problem. Try it out in a few sentences. Sounds much better then saying I beat some one up the other day. Just say "I yolked(yoked) this guy the other day".

 

And look at me now...I'm a veteran. See what happens when you talk about yolking...you get bumped up in status.

 

So does this mean that I'm right and everyone below my status is wrong?

 

DBL

[Shadows Light]

I'm thinking he wasn't too excited about it. I could be wrong though. Some peope are turned on by that. Personally I would of taken care of it on the spot and then threw them out naked.

 

 

 

Grin... you'd be surprised. Some people may be..depending on thier proclivities.

 

However.. the reason I ask is... he seems "bland" about it. Kind of.. Deer in the head-lights. The reaction seemed to be.... Bland. That is the way I read the initial post. Kinda begging the question... How am I supposed to feel about this. What am I supposed to do about it.

[DBL]

Grin... you'd be surprised. Some people may be..depending on thier proclivities.

 

However.. the reason I ask is... he seems "bland" about it. Kind of.. Deer in the head-lights. The reaction seemed to be.... Bland. That is the way I read the initial post. Kinda begging the question... How am I supposed to feel about this. What am I supposed to do about it.

 

Yeah he is weird about it. Maybe he is young. I know in my early teens I didn't care what my girlfriends did. I didn't have that jealousy pride dignity thing going on yet.

 

DBL

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you need to take your whole relationship into consideration when you make a decision. Cheating being a dealbreaker may be right for some people or some situations but not for others. If she is truly remorseful, then you have a chance to rebuild the relationship...but she has to be truly remorseful. Some ideas to get yourself back on track would be to go backwards a bit in the relationship, back to when you were first dating and perhaps didn't see her as much. If you decide to stay with her, she has to get the clear sense that although you are together, what she did could never happen again. Getting back together is not carte blanche for her to cheat again. As for your "friend" I think you would also need to back off from that for a while until you are on more sure footing with yourself and your emotions. You may even choose not to continue that "friendship".

[n83]

I can honestly say that I would NEVER EVER EVER sleep with my best friend's man EVER. EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! No matter how drunk or high or anything. NEVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[g44]

being bland and not caring...as soon as something like that happens she is no longer your gf...she is the ex...so why get worked up for someone that is no longer your gf....the friend and her made the decision for u....they ended it so its easy on your part to immediately detach...maybe this is whacked but if i had a gf, and she cheated with anyone, doesn't matter if it was a friend, my immediate reaction would be, nothing...because any emotion that was attached to her or him would have been erased...in fact, showing any emotion towards them is really what they expect or what...they would both know that what they are doing shows how little they value you as a person so why in the world would u think that is worth your energy....it doesn't mean you think they are bad people, it just means as her bf she decided that being with him was more important - so in her mind, you have already become the ex...you just follow her lead...as for the guy...guys can be pigs..and chances are u probaly knew if the opportunity presented itself he would take advantage of her...that's what happens...the guy with no morals, scoops up the woman, who is vulnerable and still aware of what she is doing....they are still normal people that just have a different way of looking at life...and they have just shown u that your beliefs are not the same as theirs...because its not about the sex...because its been rendered as pointless....its about how they have decided to tell you how they respect you...and that is they simply don't care...that's ok...life isn't fair...everyday people say...i want to be able to make my own decisions...and they do...nothing u can do about that. i hope they actually end up staying together. maybe it works out for the best and they end up in a great relationship. more power to them.

stay kewl

[mykeyg]

closure...I realise that what they did is terrible but the guy wouldn't be on here asking for advice if he was deep down willing to walk away and leave her...my first impulse would be to let the pair of them go to hell but he is in obvious conflict and I'm sorry but I don't agree that they burned the bridges...they did a stupid thing but people everywhere everyday manage to reconcile...are you telling me they were wrong?

[Closure]

Maybe you misunderstood.

 

No self-respecting person would reconcile a situation like this. They would be a complete mug to do so and i'd tell anyone that's done it exactly what I think of them as well.

 

It's not just cheating, what if he didn't catch her and she went to bed with him, what if they were still sleeping together months down the line. Let's say she caught HIV (worst possible scenerio) from the guy she cheated with, let's say she's now passed it onto the boyfriend. She's just given him a death sentence.

 

Now if that happens or she is lucky and doesn't catch anything from being a loose tart (she eventually will I assure you) from this guy with ZERO morals (God knows what he could potentially have it) doesn't matter.

 

By cheating you're saying I don't give an F about you and I don't give an F about our relationship.

 

No excuses ever and certainly no reconciliation. You'd be demented.

 

 

closure...I realise that what they did is terrible but the guy wouldn't be on here asking for advice if he was deep down willing to walk away and leave her...my first impulse would be to let the pair of them go to hell but he is in obvious conflict and I'm sorry but I don't agree that they burned the bridges...they did a stupid thing but people everywhere everyday manage to reconcile...are you telling me they were wrong?

[sparkle1]

OK....so mykeyg...what is it that you are hoping for?

 

What they done is truly terrible...and i agree with most things people have said...however, you clearly feel very differently to us and aren't seeing this as black and white....

 

Are you going to continue in the relationship and forgive both of them..you can't forgive one and not the other...

[Shadows Light]

There is one more possible scenario to NOT re-acting to catching your significant other in bed with someone else. YOU really don't care. Meaning its dead. There's nothing. Nada. Gone. It would be a clear cut signal to me that... my heart was not truly vested with this person.

And a sign for me to just.. Walk away. No drama. No vengence. Just walk away.