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Why are girls too fast for me?


Luke Skywalker
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As you all know me by now, I'm a bit of a shy guy, and think that girls are just too fast. It's like, when they are ready, I get all scared and stuff and shy away, and when they are not ready, I'm like always going all over them and get nowhere. I dont know what's wrong with me. Usually, when I shy away or dont do anything, she becomes unavailable and I lose her altogether.

 

Anyone else have the same problem as I do? Do you think women are just too fast - when they are ready, and your not, they'll just go to the next guy, or give up, rather than wait for you? Do you have experiences that you would like to share here? Write them below.

 

(As a given answer: I have not meet the right girl yet)

 

Ok, if there is an answer further than that, feel free to rant on that thread, but we all know the obvious answer.

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Sometimes people just walk a slightly different path.

 

I'm always ready if you're speaking about sex but I have a certain detachment to sex that others don't.

 

Maybe you like the chase but just aren't ready for it?

 

Maybe you should jump in so to speak and see where the ride takes you!

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It looks like a defense mechanism you've set up to prevent you from getting into a relationship and opening up emotionally. With most girls, there is a certian period of time which you have to eiter pursue things, or she'll give up on you and move on to the next. This used to happen to me all the time and still sometimes does. That's why I just dive right in and go full force cause chicks can tell if you have reservations and this turns them off.

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Everyone goes at their own pace. You can't just say that girls are too fast if some of the girls that you are ready to be with aren't quite there yet either. Depending on the number of times this has happened to you, maybe it's just bad timing?

 

I agree with Aurian that you too have to contribute to the relationship or else it won't go anywhere. If you're scared but aren't communicating your want to slow things down, it might get miscommunicated as disinterest, so she'll figure that you two have irreconcilable needs and move on.

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hey luke

 

I am a firm believer in open honest communication no matter who the person is. With that said.... if you like a girl and she is moving too fast..why not say... "hey i like you ..but i go a little slower"

 

Someone once gave me the analogy of how people do things at there own pace... he said that some people ..get to the beach....and run right in the ocean..... and others..put a toe in....check out the temp......go a little further..step back..stand around....and go a little further...the results are the same....but how you get there is different.

 

may the force be with you my friend..lol

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That's probably what most people who classify themselves as 'involuntary celibate' have - when I was on that site in the past I've read that many 'involuntary celibates' cant connect because they keep giving signals that the other side interprets as disinterest while being very interested. They are not quick, sharp or witty to respond to even the most obvious cues.

 

If there is some psychological defence mechanism that's preventing me from entering into relationships or opening up emotionally, coupled with shyness and social anxiety - then that would contribute to the state of 'involuntary celibacy' - and this mechanism is likely learned by rejections or negative reinforcement of some form.

 

Well, that's interesting. This has always been the case, as far as I can remember down to Elementary school. I clamped down on a girl that I was interested in, just couldn't do it - like some mental block, I cant put my finger on it.

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hey luke

 

I am a firm believer in open honest communication no matter who the person is. With that said.... if you like a girl and she is moving too fast..why not say... "hey i like you ..but i go a little slower"

 

Someone once gave me the analogy of how people do things at there own pace... he said that some people ..get to the beach....and run right in the ocean..... and others..put a toe in....check out the temp......go a little further..step back..stand around....and go a little further...the results are the same....but how you get there is different.

 

may the force be with you my friend..lol

 

Good point, I'll keep it in mind.

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Yes this is the same type of defense mechanism I see guys with when they say "I have high standards." ??? I was guilty of this for a few years, but what made me so much above everybody else? I just had to humble myself to the point where I admitted that I have no idea how to get girls and then took the necessary steps to learn, but your reason is different so the solution is going to have to be different too.

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Whenever you use clinical sounding terminology like involuntary celibacy, I tend to think that people get too comfortable with the label and begin to think its unconquerable. It's good to do research online to get a better understanding on parallels between your life and these other accounts, but never label! I'm just being petty here about semantics, but psychologically it can make a huge difference in how you approach this situation.

 

If you think it's a fear of rejection that's causing you to act differently around attractive girls, work on your confidence. The best way to work through rejection is to take baby steps, like HealingHands was saying about the person who tests the water then goes back out and then goes in slowly, taking 2 steps back for every 3 steps forward. The most important thing is that you make sure you take things at a pace your comfortable with. It would help if you tell the girls interested in you that you need some time and just be honest with them so that they will not only give you the space/time you need but also supplementary support.

 

Maybe what scares you is the prospect of change? If this is something unfamiliar (or maybe even new) to you, it might take some warming up to. The notion of being in a relationship may be scary because losing an attachment may seem harder than losing a prospective attachment because there are very real emotions involved. But if you fear loss before you've even experienced it, how can you possibly get anywhere in life? It's risky, but the benefits are well worth the 0.5% chance of death (2 wk warranty).

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I'm not quite sure what you're talking about- do you mean some girls want to start a relationship too fast? Kiss, makeout, have sex too fast? Or do you mean just going on a date?

 

If the first 2 situations, then you should say you're not quite ready, you need to slow down.

But if it's just a date, so what? Just get to know them better and decide if you like them, you're not signing your life away.

 

You might want to let her know you like her early on, that there is a potential for a relationship in the near future.

Very few girls are going to wait around for a guy they have a slight crush on when there's other potential bfs around.

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