what should i do?

[hopelessxnow]

Ok so, as briefly as possible, my ex and I had the worst ever breakup last year. With all the pleading, crying, pathetic emails, arguments etc. I dont think it could've been any worse.

I would've been on No Contact straight after we split if I knew about it but I didn't and i just kept on being an idiot for months.

 

Throughout this year I did a few months of LC and recently 2 months of NC at all. However, I still really love her and i'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm planning to break NC and send her an email and tell her that i want a fresh start, i've changed and i've realised i had been awful to her and it's ok if she ever wanted to get to know me again in the future?

 

Maybe this is a bad idea i don't know but i'm willing to take all my chances and if i were to send this email what should I include or exclude?

 

Please help me out guys

[Smile_83]

I think you should follow your heart. It might be a bad idea, however it might be a good idea too. You say that you have changed, but she may have changed too. Is she in a relationship now? Maybe if she is in a happy and loving realtionship it might be mean to try to come into her life again, or maybe she still has feelings for you. Good luck

[blender]

This all depends on "who" ended the relationship, did you break up with her? Or vice versa?

 

If YOU ended the relationship and she was heartbroken, then you need to "pick up the phone" and call her, don't you think?

 

You have to ask yourself what is your goal in contacting her?

 

BEFORE doing this, in what ways have you changed YOUR life? Did you get some therapy? Are you feeling happy, confident, kind, emotionally healthy right now? What is the reason for you wanting to "try again" with her?

 

This information might help us all help you..

[audreypoulain]

Well my ex broke up with me and it was a terrible breakup, it even involved the police! but anyway he contacted me through e-mail and it worked because we tried to discuss issues regarding the breakup and to find understanding with each other. It is hard to make promises through an e-mail so after awhile of e-mailing (1 month to be exact) we finally took the courage to speak on the phone and work out relationship issues.

 

So you can try e-mailing but a phone call later on is best, it helps resolve issues quickly and to the point. E-mail her to find out if she is ready to accept contact from you and later after a few e-mails talk on the phone to work things out.

[jsmith999]

i don't know if talking about the issues or talking about getting back together is the best way to reconnect.

 

i feel you really need to start afresh without saying "let's make a fresh start"

 

what i mean is, call to see how she is doing .. keep it low pressure .. gradually build up the trust and friendship again .. keep things light and friendly .. it seems here that everyone says "no to friends" .. unless you can be friends, you cannot be lovers. its as simple as that.

 

once you regain the trust and friendship, then you need to escalate into talking about rekindling the relationship ... don't worry about being stuck in the friendzone ... when dealing with ex's, its a myth. once you've seen each other naked and fondled each others erogenous zones, there is always going to be a physical connection (unless you got dumped for being lousy in bed)

 

if you try to jump right back into the relationship, you are going to crash and burn

[audreypoulain]

[quote=jsmith999;1224223

if you try to jump right back into the relationship, you are going to crash and burn

 

 

You are so right about that. Old feelings and bad habits can return and the problems aren't ever resolve. You think getting a second chance from an EX was easy? imagine getting a third chance? you need to page GOD asap for that! LOL

[hopelessxnow]

hey thanks guys!! you've really helped

 

anyway, me and my ex have literally just started talking again on msn a few nights ago. We have also spoken to eachother in person today as we met on the way to class. However, when she talks to me i don't how friendly to be - whether i should give away the fact that i'm happy to see and talk to her or try and keep myself rather blunt and not too enthusiastic to see her but at the same time friendly?

 

Also, when she is online is it a bad idea to start conversations incase she gets the wrong message and stops wondering if i'm still interested and starts to back away again?

[ILovePasta]

I've seen this question pop up alot on these forums.....what to do next? Should you NC, keep things at a minimum or go full force and try to win her back.

 

Truly, the answer is, there is no answer. It really depends on her; how she feels about you.

 

There are times when a girl will keep her Ex on standby incase current interests don't work to her liking. In that case, no one likes to be second choice and there is nothing you can do to change her mind.

 

There are times when she really is confused about how she feels about you, and you alone. In those cases, it really does help, imo, to take that extra step and do things like initiate conversations and make an effort to sweep her off her feet. Things like NC would not be good in this situation.

 

Then there are times when most of her romantic feelings towards you have gone away and she just wants to be friends. Generally this is a selfish want on her part, and I say this because everyone knows how difficult it can be when you yourself still have romantic feelings. You never want to be just friends. In this case, NC is a fab idea.

 

You have asked the eternal question. If I try, will it work or push her away? My only suggestion would be to do what you feel is right and what will minize any regrets. It can be hard, but I honestly believe it is the best thing to do. Tell her how you feel, what you would want and how you would go about accomplishing that. If she pushes you away, leave it alone with the knowledge that you put your feelings on the table and laid your expections/desires on the line.

 

If she doesn't reciprocate, then why bother? One, you can't make someone love you, and two, it really sucks trying to.

[crazybeautiful]

I went through this before. He was an * * * and broke up with me for someone else. For a year we were messed up with each other and he said hurtful things. Then one day i guess he decided to be mature for once. We met and hung out for an hour. Next thing you know he's asking for another chance blah blah and it took about a month for me to finally say yes. Well anywho we're married now lol. So i think you should try.

[g44]

instead of waiting for one to make a move...or hold expectations of what society has taught u...just think back to what u did when u both first met...did he contact u first and then u replied? did u have an expectation of him sweeping u off your feet? probably not. you probaly were curious because he seemed like someone u found interesting. and he probably felt the same that's why he lead the way and initiated contact. so, it really is simple and boils down to this...just think about how u both communicated with each other...and just do the same thing...in the very least what the shows is that you both are confident people and haven't let something that broke made u less confident then you were in the past...however...you mentioned something about the police being involved and that is another matter...if it got to the point where something like that was required...then it would be best...to just call it a day...that is something serious and i would find it hard to to trust someone you called the police about...so remember that...

hope that helps

[hopelessxnow]

Hey thanks for helping out mate, but i dont remember the police being involved and my ex is a girl =] im the boy.

 

Thanks to everyone else aswell though most of you came up with different answers i guess there isnt an exact right answer. As a result im still rather confused but hey