Confusing signals from a guy...

[Scot_babe]

Having a bit of trouble figuring out the guy i like...

 

He came up to me in our local nightclub and introduced himself to me, I didn't recognise him but he said he saw me everyone morning going to my work and I always put a smile on his face. Turned out we live really near each other, we were chatting all night and he kept saying things like how gorgeous I was and how he couldnt believe I was stood there talking to him!

 

I really started to like him and we met up a couple of times after that on nights out, he explained he'd come out of a long term relationship and didnt want a girlfriend but really liked me. Because of his lack of any commitment etc I never took things further than kissing with him, despite him trying.

 

One night we were out and I was a bit tipsy on the dance floor,my friend was in the same club and got talking to him. I found out the next day he was telling her how much he like me but that I was "too nice" for him.

 

After that night I didnt hear from him for a while and next thing I knew he was going out with someone else. I'm 22, he's 25 and shes 40! I just do not understand this. He didn't want a girlfriend yet he is now with someone who chances are is wanting to settle down.

 

Bumped into the pair of them at a bar the other night when I was with my friends. I gave a brief "hi" then got on with enjoying my night but my friend had her eye on them and said he didnt stop staring at me all night. One of his friends also recently told me that he talks about me a lot.

 

What's going on!?!

[NJRon]

It seems that, after coming out of a relationship, he was looking for something more disposable than you offered. He probably meant that you were "too nice" to mess with and meant that in a good way... not in the "nice girl" way. He may, when he is finally ready for a relationship, come knocking... you never know. In the meantime, I would give him space.

 

With that the case... be glad that you steered the relationship the way you wanted to and didn't let him cross your boundaries.

[SeaBisquit]

be happy he told you he wasn't ready to commit. most guys don't let you know that. he cares about you so he told you the truth. the forty year old woman he has know future with to big of a age difference.

[rose2summer]

The fact that he tried to woo you over so much,

 

Just upon just meeting you,

 

Is a warning sign in my opinion,

 

I think he had alternate intentions,

 

Of getting you to sleep with him,

 

Without all of the strings attached,

 

And when you wouldn't get past kissing,

 

He moved to the model that dispensed sex freely,

 

Sorry hun,

 

But this guy is bad news,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Batya33]

Watch the feet not the lips - what he does, not what he says. He wasn't interested in a relationship with you. Period. It's ok - don't take it personally - really. You will also find people you are not interested in being in a relationship with - perhaps you won't flirt as much. Also understand that you were very available to him - he never had to take the effort to call and ask you out on a proper date - he could just hook up with you at his convenience and tell you he didn't want a commitment so he wouldn't feel guilty about it and could give you all the compliments he felt like and still be off the hook. That's what happens sometimes when you meet people in clubs, especially when there is alcohol involved. Your risk of course but it sounds like you want a serious relationship and to be treated like a lady. Hard to find that in a club- not impossible, but difficult.

[NJRon]

I don't see why this guy is bad news. He did the right thing. He said he didn't want a relationship and then, when it was clear that Scot_babe didn't want to be a friends with benefits, he stopped pursuing and moved on. I doubt highly that the relationship with the 40 year old is one based on any different intentions... why would he be honest about his intentions with you and not with her? She just probably accepts them.

 

I agree that, in the end, if you are interested in a relationship then you shouldn't try being with someone that says they don't want one... but, I don't see how this reflects poorly on him. When he is ready for a relationship, perhaps he will come back and test the waters with you... but, seems he didn't want to mess up something that might be good and he knew he wasn't in the right space right now.

[SeaBisquit]

man i would look at it like this... this guy respected you enough to tell you the truth, that he doesn't want a commitment. and he also said you were to nice for him.

[gattsuga]

he probably sees you as long-term relationship material, which he doesn't want right now. he just wants to have fun and have flings here and there. stay away from him... he's not ready for you

[Batya33]

Oh, I don't think he's a bad guy for not being interested in a relationship with her, I just think he wanted to avoid confrontation by claming he didn't want a relationship in general and that she was "too nice" - those are typical excuses.

[NJRon]

Typical.. but often true. I have used them and they were not excuses... they were fact. When I was in the mood for randy times and I met a terrific woman, I would purposely tell her that she was too nice.. or now is not the right time. Not because I am a "jerk" or because "I was a bad guy".. but because it was a fact. I was in a place where I didn't want to "use" someone else... I wanted an honest and open ... sex based relationship. They were just too good of a person and I really liked them too much to to "use" them. So I moved on.

[Rabican]

he wanted some booty. Thats all there is to it. You were too nice, means that you wouldnt go any farther than kissing. At least he was honest though when he said he didnt want a girlfriend. The 40 year old is probably freaky in bed.

[ducky]

IMO the "relationship" with the 40 yr old woman is clearly no more than a fling. I tend to agree with NJRon, that he was looking for a rebound relationship, and he thought you were too good for that.

If you're willing to wait for him, I bet he'll be out of the relationship after a few weeks. But don't let that tie you down if any available man comes along!

[Batya33]

IMO the "relationship" with the 40 yr old woman is clearly no more than a fling. I tend to agree with NJRon, that he was looking for a rebound relationship, and he thought you were too good for that.

If you're willing to wait for him, I bet he'll be out of the relationship after a few weeks. But don't let that tie you down if any available man comes along!

 

I don't think we can know that just based on her age. Safer to add "with you" after "I'm not ready for a relationship." Also, consider that if he really wanted to wait for you until he was ready, would he really want you to run into him at the same club with this other woman? My friend met her husband at a bar. Two days after meeting he called her and said he needed two months to get over his ex - recent break up - and that then he would call her. He called and proposed 6 months later. So, it can be true but I wouldn't imagine that a true gentleman would want a woman he was really interested in to see him with another woman after making that statement.