heartbroken and not sure which path to pursue

[Viper62382]

What are you feeling now? How are you handling the situation? Do you feel OK with NC for now? Dont forget to write out what you feel here before attempting any contact.

[futured00d]

Hi,

Well i feel really insecure about where she is and what she is doing.

I can deal with NC for now, and have so since Tuesday where I sent her a text to have a nice day and a lil joke we share.

Since then I have been passively waiting for her to contact but at the same time feeling good about myself and being confident again...but then the feelings of loneliness again...

I'm not sure what to do...whether with shes starting to court that guy or shes working I have no idea what shes doing, I wish i wasn't thinking about it...I have leaned on my friends too much...i think they are a bit tired of me talking about it....im so lost..

[futured00d]

I want to contact her...ask her how shes going, keeping the convo upbeat but the state I am in now where my chest hurts I don't think I'll be able to do that...so calling her would just be a total waste of time.

I really want to find out if shes starting to see that guy.......im afraid of finding out, its best not to know and it'll kill me if they are...

[blender]

you stated: "Since then I have been passively waiting for her to contact but at the same time feeling good about myself and being confident again...but then the feelings of loneliness again..."

 

Remember NO CONTACT is not "passive" it's making the self respecting CHOICE to NOT become a doormat with your emotions... THE "PASSIVE" THING to do would be to contact her, because it gives you a momentary ease from your panic, but that is ALL YOU WILL GET FROM IT, and then you have to start the "healing" all over again..

 

for now please know that is an ACTIVE SELF RESPECTING CHOICE to do NO CONTACT, no matter the outcome it's a win-win situation, you either win you ex back, or yourself, and YOU are more important right now, you must know that it feels "better" to have the dignity to "let go and do NO contact".. even though the ebb and flow of "feelings" will continue, do NOT re-act to these "moments of panic" by contacting her, let the moment pass... feel it, let it go.. and keep up no contact.. no texts, no emails, no calls, nothing... and get back to your own independence and self respect, because THOSE QUALITIES are attractive...

[futured00d]

hi, but what if she thinks i have moved on and don't care...

she always thought i didn't care and didn't give a sh*t about her...n never showed any love or care to her

which is probably why in addition to leaving me, she has been attracted to some guy in her class.

 

i don't know......

 

shouldn't i at least have a nice talk with her n then do NC from then on?

to show that i care?

 

what does LC do? maybe i should do that?

[futured00d]

I have contacted her twice briefly since the the begging/pleading stage...

with short brief upbeat conversations that I have cut short.

Seems that she would like to talk more but I keep it at a minimum and yes, it does feel good when you contact them again....momentarily.

I sent her a text last Tuesday under strict rules to have NC from then on, its Sunday, 5 days....man it kills......all the way im thinking two things...oh i don't need her anyway, im young, good looking, pretty successful for my age...she'll come back in the future... then other times i have the lowest self esteem, where i think theres nobody who can love me as much as her and i'll never love and be close to anyone as much as her and then the fact that she was/is attracted to some guy in her class just adds salt to the wound.

 

I AM SO CONFUSED!!!

[blender]

You're really not confused, you're disappointed, so from today on, when you are feeling "doubt" try to separate your "feelings" from the "facts"... do you really, honestly think she didn't know how you felt, after all you did the begging, pleading phase, the low contact phase, now the intermittent contact phase, the FACT is for today, SHE IS NOT WILLING TO MAKE THE EFFORT to make you guys work as a couple.. sure she might change her mind, but trust me you can not see the forest through the trees, so STOP BEING A TREE, and stay away, have your own "emotional boundaries" and set a standard for yourself, say to yourself:

 

"As a self respecting man, I am not interested in keeping an emotional tie to a woman who has made a choice to flirt, spend time with or be with someone else, I will not let myself get my emotional heart to blind my intelligence. I've already tried telling her how I felt, she wasn't responding the way I had "hoped" she would, so for today, I am respectfully and wisely in accpetance of this, and will no longer play games and make excuses like "maybe she thinks I don't care and I've moved on"... I know better than this, because when I was begging, pleading well THAT didn't seem to make her FEEL she wanted to be with me, so why would she be interested in a guy who "chooses" to sweep his own self respect under the carpet and keep contacting her, or even responding to her?, nope I have too much self respect, and I am also willing to respect and accept her choice to not be with me for today.. and I let go, with love, and I know I will heal, and I will NOT be in a relationship that is not a two way loving street.. no convincing someone to love me.. ugh.. I want better for myself..?

 

Keep saying this above paragraph out loud, it will put an end to your "confusion"... because it's all very clear, it's just that you aren't ready to accept it.. but you will, and you will heal.. do NOT contact her.. you won't feel "good" about it afterwards.. think it through to the other side of your emotions... you will feel better the longer you go with out contacting her, don't "fool youself" into thinking, "ugh, she might think I forgot about her"... well what if she did think that?

 

Does she wonder how you are feeling/thinking? Has she had time enough to miss you, think of you, have her own space, to maybe realize and call to say "I haven't heard from you in ages, please don't forget about me, I want to work on us as a couple?"

 

Well, she hasn't done that yet, not that you've ever given "time apart" an opportunity to settle in for her... so let go.. and see what happens..

 

YOU ARE WORTHY OF A REAL LOVE, MATURE, HONEST, LOYAL, ANYTHING LESS... is not worth your energy, no matter how much you "hope" for it.. once you are in acceptance, and comfortable to let feel your pain, instead of "re-acting" to it, by going to the dry well (her) for water.. well you'll just be more thirsty if you keep doing that.. these panic feelings will pass. they will...I promise.. just feel them, then stick to the FACTS... it will set you free.

[Relax]

Well, what I can say is that use this as an opportunity for you to learn. You know life teaches very different from what we learn in school. It teaches through pain but throgh pain you can learn faster and will never do the same mistake again.

 

Use this time to become a better person, use your emotion to know who you really are deep down.