BIG girl problem (very interesting most guys will have this problem)

[meiyainter]

Hi, I'm a male. teen

 

I've met this girl I thought she was pretty. SHe recently broke up with her bf which lasted around a month or so, becuase of the way he acts and stuff (jerk like). Anyways i got to know her after the break up, spent times with her like say went to a few movies and the mall stuff liek that, took pictures and etc. Then I confessed to this girl and she says she's totally shocked. We continued to do things together for a bit and suddenly out of no where one night, she says we're....just..... friends.... Things went kinda cold for awhile like a few days.

 

I told her how i felt over an email this is after the friends declaration thing. We still talk alot and i guess we still find it comfortable around each other. Is there hope? ladies please give me your insights, when you treat someoen a friend do you really leave it at that? By the way she still kinda flirts with me i think liek for example "don't miss me too much" .

SHould i just ignore her and move on? Becuase for once in my life i actually found someone i cared for and I want her to be happy even if it's not with me, But it's really hurting me the fact she doesn't want to be with me and i can't take it anymore... Is it foolish to love someone this much? what should i do?

[chai714]

Generally speaking, when you directly tell someone how you feel about them then it decreases their interest level. You can still indicate you like her without directly telling her. For example, instead of saying, "I like you" or "I have feelings for you" or other similar confession of feelings, it's often more beneficial to say, "I like hanging out with you" or "you make me feel good when I'm around you" or "You're a real great person."

 

As far as your particular situation goes - I would become more aloof with her then reapproach later but with a different strategy. Remember, telling people how you feel about them has little to do with how they feel about you. If anything, it takes away all tension. Some tension (even though the word, "tension" has a negative connotation) is good to have when you begin to like someone. Good luck.

[Smitty1]

Unfortunately she is too recently broke up with the jerk boyfriend, and since you are a nice guy you have fallen into the friend category. She may hate him being a jerk but for some women it draws them to guys like that and nice guys finish last with them. You wont change her mind.If you can accept being only a friend then be one, if not dont torture yourself trying to make a relationship when there is none. She was honest with you now be honest with yourself. We have all been there and feel your pain.

[Closure]

My advice, find someone who doesn't want to be your 'friend'.

 

Don't embarrass yourself.

 

As you grow up you'll also realise keeping your cards just that little bit closer to your chest keeps things interesting. Girls don't need to know the full story, don't pour your heart out, keep her guessing a little, it's more attractive!

[BornToResist]

Unfortunately she is too recently broke up with the jerk boyfriend, and since you are a nice guy you have fallen into the friend category. She may hate him being a jerk but for some women it draws them to guys like that and nice guys finish last with them. You wont change her mind.If you can accept being only a friend then be one, if not dont torture yourself trying to make a relationship when there is none. She was honest with you now be honest with yourself. We have all been there and feel your pain.

 

She hit the nail on the head with that one.

 

The only time I will tell a guy that we are "just friends" is when we really are just that and nothing more. That means I will not want a relationship and hopefully I can nip it in the bud by telling him flat out.

 

You guys can still be friends, if you can handle it, but I sincerely doubt it will go beyond that.

[meiyainter]

Well basically she stills flirts with me when we talk. Like she'll go "don't miss me TOO much". She wants me to pick her up now when we go to places, and she's inviting me to go to places more. basically she wants to hang out more than before now, because i really don't mention ever going out with her other than just talking when i see her on/off ICQ. She's telling me to go to church on thursday, and wants me to pick her up. She's been telling me how all MEN are jerks and stuff. I really don't understand why is she still flirting with me or going to places with my alone if she has no interest. I'm beginning to avoid her or feel the need to, becuase i'm not a comfort pillow, i have my own things to do too...

[finewhine]

Whoa, you may be a comfort pillow, but look at what a nice person you are!!! I think it's awesome that someone your age is so caring and considerate. Part of being a nice teenager is dealing with this sort of crap. Don't worry, you'll meet someone someday who is worthy of your niceness. Don't "strategize" as another poster suggested. Just keep on being the nice person you are and you'll do terrific!

 

Alas, for this girl, perhaps you should move on, but I think it's one of the best learning experiences you can have to maintain a friendship with a person of the opposite sex while you're young. I'm about ten years older than you, and in high school, I was on both sides of the fence. My best friend on this earth is a guy I liked for a month in high school who didn't like me back. Now that we've had that out of the way for the past ten years, we're so tight. We can talk about anything. I stood up on the bride's side of his wedding last year. Do me a favor and think of this as a tremendous opportunity to make a great friend. You need girl friends for a lot of things, so don't let this one slip by cause it sounds like you really care about her.

[Spawn]

tell her exactly what you feel, tell her you have feelings for her and if she desires to have only friendship then she should stop flirtin with you....

 

If you want a serious relationship stick to that, don't go about thinkin what she wants what she does and what she means by that.

 

Be bold tell her you feel this for her and friendship is not what you want.

 

But on the contrary if you just wanna have fun then go and have fun, if you are thinkin of askin her to be exclusive then its probably too early for that...

 

In any case don't ever date people who have just broken up with someone, you end up being compared to them, most of the time get friendzoned and what not.

 

There are so many girls out there single and probably more interested in you relationship wise.. come on go and explore.

 

Lifes too short for all this so get em tiger...lol

[meiyainter]

yeah i feel the same too thanks for your advices I will really tell her to stop flirting with me it's hard to write how it feels down with words. Becuase she confuses me more and makes me very very annoyed and sad at the same time, becuase i know she knows that it hurts me everytime she flirts\ with me

[meiyainter]

anyways i'll continue to be who i am, I am sure someone out there will meet up with me and deserves how i treat them, but the flirting must stop now.

[Lady Bugg]

Ok....this is just MY POV...........but I personally think being friends first is to your advantage n this situation...BUT...........here are some tips:

 

Don't tell her again how you feel......maybe date a few other girls. That will help your confidence. I think you took the "spark" away by confessing your feelings ...especially so soon.

 

We ALL want that we cannot attain.....

 

I think being her friend is ok.....but she needs to see you as a confident sought after "friend". So maybe intermittent contact is best right now. Don;t be her "shoulder to cry on". She has g/f's for that. If she starts talking about her ex....keep your condolences brief. If you're with her mention a date you have...but NO details. Maintaining some mystery is VERY appealing.

 

I am not saying this will work....or will change her mind..but at the very least you will save face..and maybe NOT be "that annoying friend who won;t give up".....and her opinion MAY change..but only your attitude will change that.

 

Hope these tips helped some

[meiyainter]

I agree with you that maybe being friends with her ain't that bad? But i have about 6 friends who are girls and i can talk to them about anything (they are really my best friends that are girls) and i have 10 guy friends who have all grown up with me and has always been there with me. So i don't really feel the need to find another girl i could talk to, i guess.

 

However, One of my friends advised me to tell her to stop flriting with me if she wants to be friends, becuase it's really ridiculous to have someone flirting with you when she does not want a relationship at all (or so it seems). She's giving me false hope.

 

As for confidence, I dont' think I lack any becuase i'm always the alpha male in the group. Sometimes I will choose to sit back and let someone take control of the group, but I am easily annoyed at the group's leader for being sooo shy to move the group around. I usually will take charge of any situation and allow it to operate under my rhythme. (I've always been commented as a natural leader, one who will naturally control the group)

 

I'm pretty serious about this situation now, I really want to end this. I'm going to give her 3 options

1) Stop flirting with me or else i'm leaving her for good.

2) Tell me the truth or quit playing games.

3) Start a relation.

 

I only see 1 and 2 are the pluasible answers, but i'm just putting 3 in for completness.

ANyways it may seem that i'm direct, but it's not worth my emotional and physical time to give her all the attention she wants. I think it's time to grow up for me. Life lives on, like river it will always find new paths to get to the bottom.