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age gap plus related :(


30female
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I am 30 years old and I fell in love. You can't tell your heart who and who not to fall in love with. i fell in love with a 1st cousin whose 18, who just came to the country a few years ago, so i didn't really know him but as we got to know each other we just fell in love. I know the relationship is not appropriate but we cannot let it go. I know he's younger on top of that and I am just lost. We are both lost because our families are tearing us apart. We've been hiding it for two years. I know the relationship will be looked down upon but in my eyes because we are in love i am blind to what everyone else sees. Do you feel we are wrong as well?

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He is barely more than a child. He definitely needs time to grow. What shocks me the most is that you say this has been going on for a couple years. He was only a child when this started. That is against the law and immoral for you!

 

Let him have a life and grow - You find a life of your own and stop making excuses like "can't help who you fall in love with."

 

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but you are an adult and you know right from wrong. If you are having difficulty going by what's right, maybe you can consult a counselor?

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1st cousin, there the main probelm, Blood to blood think long and hard about this one, illness riacks for any children and he would have to comit to kids with in a few years, to cut the ricks. Your 30 time it not on your side and adding the risks of 1st cousins you see where im coming from.

 

Im sorry but I would not recomend you get involed in what is a very young mans start in life by locking him into a time frame that will mean he can not expirance a full and active life befor comminting to you and your family.

 

If you dont wont kids he mite not now but latter, you could be holding him back later and there will be pain for you two there in the futuer

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I deleted my earlier post after seeing the barrage of criticism here.

 

A couple I know were first cousins, raised two boys and died last year in old age. I know other couples who were unrelated, yet they had kids with serious problems. Anecdotal, not statistically based, but there it is.

 

I see more problem with dating someone who's 16.

Do you think your presense in his life might delay his development among his peers? How would you really know he's ready for a heavy relationship at an age when many people are still exploring and looking for a niche? You have to admit to being powerfully influential in his life.

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original poster/ thats not love ,its called desires&personal whims

 

Love is a choice based on reality of being suitable to live with each other in rational acceptable way. he is still immature mentaly ,though is physically a man , he is just thirst to fulfill his sexual needs &absoluetly it isn`t true love.

 

As other mates says i recommend u to forget abt it &try to make wiser decision according to ur age and lastly follow ur mind not ur heart in any first step.

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i understand what everyone is saying. But he's a very mature 18 year old. I've told him to go find girls his age and i've tried to push him but he doesn't want to. He feels he can't love anyone else and maybe that's his age speaking but i feel the same way. I feel a deep connection with him. I've tried to let him go but i cannot.

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One thing I would be concerned with is the possiblity that you two are in different stages of your life. You are at an age where it is very common to have a long committed relationship and he is just getting started, perhaps not as ready for the relationship to last any real length of time.

 

Who knows, only you two know the true situation at hand. If your related...well, that too comes along with a lot of drama. I have seen the situation reversed where it is the man who is older and society seems to be more ok with it! You are the one who has to make the ultimate decision here.

 

Can you live with the criticism? Can you live with the fact that your family is against it? Can you live with the fact that he is not as experienced in life as much as you are?

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i understand what everyone is saying. But he's a very mature 18 year old. I've told him to go find girls his age and i've tried to push him but he doesn't want to. He feels he can't love anyone else and maybe that's his age speaking but i feel the same way. I feel a deep connection with him. I've tried to let him go but i cannot.

 

 

Maybe you should suggest that he seek professional help too then.

 

I'm sorry I can't bend here. But where I live marrying biological family is against the law.

 

Could you possibly live up to that criticism? Would you move away? How could that possibly work?

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I don't think it's the ages that you should be concerned with, so much as the biological factor. I mean, it's still a fairly large age difference for an 18 year old, but what I would be most worried about is the fact that he's your first cousin.

 

I say go for it, ONLY if:

 

-You are both 100% into it, and can deal with the likely criticism of family, friends, and god knows who else. If you have lukewarm feelings for eachother, go into a relationship, split up the family and then you break up, is it worth it?

 

Good luck with whatever you choose.

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I think he's just horny....i'm serious, I just reckon that he wants sex, I doubt very much that he could see himself in a relationship with you, I doubt that ALOT.

 

I think you know what the right thing is to do, and that is tell him to leave you alone.

 

I know that being harsh is probably not in your nature...you don't need to be harsh.

 

Tell him that it's wrong, you are blood to blood cousins, the family WILL NOT approve, and it will ruin both of your lives if you do anything. Tell him the cold hard FACTS, if you tell him to look for girls his age, he won't listen, he's stubborn, no matter how mature you think he is, he JUST WONT GET IT IN HIS HEAD,....UNLESS, you tell it to him straight that it absolutely WILL NOT WORK, EVER!

 

Don't try to let him down nicely, that is what I'm saying.

It's different for non blood relations, but seeming you are cousins, it's freaking disgusting! use your common sense, do what you have to do. Let him know that he needs to snap out of his fantasy world

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I agree with I'm ThatGirl. And just about EVERYTHING everyone else said here.

You are first cousins... and there is an age gap, that, well isn't a that big of a deal, but the fact that it's been going on for a couple of years.. IS. He's being introduced to the world... and you are looking to settle.

 

And seriously... first cousins, not only illegal... but come On!!! If you were to get married and have children, they will have some serious health problems. Would you be able to live with that... critism that not only you and your current family would receive, but your children as well? I would break it off... I know you mentioned that you have told him to look for girls his age, but you have to walk away from this. You can't allow this to carry on. I'm sorry, but I have to take a side... I'm against this.

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