I am losing my mind! (this is long)

[Darb]

I have been with a woman for 3 months now and I recently have been going through some rough times with her and i am not sure what to do.

I really like her and care about her alot and I have told her this but lately things have just been very crazy!

 

my birthday was last week and it turned out to be a terrible day! I was over her house the night before and I spent the night and she asked me in the morning before she left for work If I would like to go out to dinner for my birthday.... I said I would love to and It felt very good that she asked me and wanted to be with me.

 

I got a call from her at work but she seemed distant and she never really asked me to go out to dinner or do anything, I asked her If I could meet her somewhere but she never really answered me? she said well I guess I am gonna go amuse myself after work...after a weird conversaton I said well give me a call later, keep in mind this was my birthday.

 

I am sitting at home and I get a phone call later that night from my friend and he says she is sitting at the local bar drinking with some guy! I know the guy she was with and I think they went out on one date and she said she didnt really like him but he called her alot and she never really talked to him any but she said he is just lonely and pathetic and she felt sorry for him.

 

I was very upset and said I had to go becuase I didnt feel like talkin to him about this. I called him back about an hour or so later and he said the guy left and she was sitting at the bar by herself. I left it at that and went out to dinner with a couple friends.

 

I called her the next day and brought up the whole situation and she kinda put the blame on me saying when she called me before she left work I didnt seem to interested in seeing her and she said she was going out to "amuse" herself. I told her she really hurt my feelings and she could have asked me to join her after all it was my birthday and the day before she asked me If I wanted to go out to dinner with her, I wasnt about to ask her on the phone if she would take me out for my birthday! I felt that should be left to her.

 

We went out the next night to dinner and we talked about what happened and it turned out she got really drunk and some guy she didnt know gave her a ride home! supposedly nothing happened and it was just a ride home..I expressed my concern about her going to a bar by herself and getting drunk and getting in a car with a stranger which I think is completely crazy! and this was a different guy then the one she was with earlier.

 

I was willing to look past this and forget about it, people make mistakes I say to myself. I got off work early last friday, I am normally gone every other day for my job and I shouldnt have been home until saturday but I didnt leave and go out of town. I am driving home and I deceided to drive by the bar cause I had a feeling she was there and there she was. I walked in and walked over to her and sat down and she was happy to see me, she was there with a friend and we all talked for a while and had a few beers, everything was OK

 

she gets a phone call at the bar, which is very weird if you ask me, she is gone for a few minutes and comes back and says it was her mother and she was just checkin on her. Then the one guy comes in who she says is pathetic and lonely and he sits right next to me!! he knows we are dating but he doesnt say anything to me, everytime I got up and went to the bathroom I would come back and he would be talking to her....which really pissed me off! now this guy has called her several times even while I was over her house but she would never answer and she said he is just crazy, but he always went away when I came back in the picture.

 

Well that night she got really drunk, her friend left very early and It was just her and I there and I was thinking to myself.......If I would not have gotten off early from work and came in here she would have been in there drunk by herself with the creepy, stalker guy hanging around her. I took her come and practially carried her into her house and put her into her bed and she passed out. I went out to the living room for a while becuase I was going to wait for her son to come home and I was going to ask him if he would ride up with me to go get her car then all of the sudden I hear her talking to someone in her bedroom on the phone, keep in mind the phone never rang or I would have heard it, so about 15 minutes go by and I go into her room and I guess she thought I had left because she called me by her sons name and she was talking on the phone WITH THE SUPPOSED CREEPY LONELY GUY!!! she said she had to go when she realized who I was and she hung up. I asked her what the hell that was all about and asked why she called him and she said she didnt call him, she said she doesnt know how she got to talkin to him on the phone!! she said either the ringer was off in the living room and I didnt hear it ring in her room or she called her called her mother and he must have called when she was on the phone with her, she said honestly she doesnt know

 

We argued for a while and she made me so mad at one point I just left and she said to NEVER call her again while I was leaving. I am driving home and my cell rings and its her asking me to please come back and stay with her....I do it of course and we talk for hours about things and I guess we made up. The next moring I am laying in bed and the same guy calls twice at like 6am in the morning on a saturday and leaves two messages on the machine!! telling her to wake up it time to go to work on both messages!! she has never worked on the weekends, but why would he call and say that?

 

what is really going on here? I really like this woman and care for her and everything was good up until this last week I am just losing my mind thinking about this.

 

IS SHE SEEING THIS GUY ALSO? she says she feels sorry for him and finds it hard to be mean to people and tell them off or mabye that is all a bunch of crap! I know I should probably just run away but I cant help my feelings, she has alot of problems with depression and drug problems as well, but I dont wanna give up.......I have really fallen hard for her and do not know what to do!

[motog]

hi mate . be careful the clouds are on the horizon and you have to use your head not your heart. what if it was the other way round?.she says shes sorry for him but is slowly destroying you and she must know it. is she deciding which way to go? its your call to decide. its your heart here on the line mate . stay safe

[motog]

hi mate . be careful the clouds are on the horizon and you have to use your head not your heart. what if it was the other way round?.she says shes sorry for him but is slowly destroying you and she must know it. is she deciding which way to go? its your call to decide. its your heart here on the line mate . stay safe

he who stands on the hill sees the storm approaching

[Darb]

she is normally very sweet and I know she is a good person, mabye I am overreacting......she did tell me she loved me when I put her into bed and she has never said that, i just dont know if this guy is harmless or there is something going on

[motog]

dont wait for the i love you but im not in love with you. ive been there . she knows`your hurting at the end of the day. maybe and i hope it will be ok sounds like this guys thinks hes got a chance whys that ? doesnt sound to me hes a lonely guy he knows what hes doing . sort this mate or theres pain on the way . use your head dont lose it or shell run to him.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She seems to head out to bars a lot and gets drunk. Never mind the other guy, this in itself is a big red flag. You have only invested 3 months into this, a bit too soon for it to be the full-fledged "wow I love this person". I think there is more to it with this other guy. If she is a bar chick, who knows how many other guys as well. Get out before you really get your heart broken.

[Darb]

I feel I should get out but I just cant! i really have strong feelings for her and she really doesnt go out hardly at all...this I know...but when she does it is not good

[annie24]

dude - get out now.

 

with every guy i've ever been crazy about (or even sort of liked...), I've always made a fuss over his bday. ie, finding him a gift, and taking him out to dinner. Never once did I say, "oh you didn't seem too excited" and then gone out drinking with another man!!!!

 

GIANT RED FLAG!!!

 

Get out now. this relationship isn't going anywhere. And yes, she is messing around with the other guy.

 

EDIT: Oh, and she has drug problems too? get out now.

[Darb]

God I feel so horrible...I just wish I knew the whole truth! I have asked her straight up "If you do not want to be with me please just tell me" but she always says she does......I have spent so much time with her and we have had some good times I just dont want it to end if I am just being paranoid and I know she has some problems but she is trying to change.

[annie24]

let me ask you this - if you were with a woman you cared about, and it was her birthday, what would you do? go out, buy her flowers, a gift, and take her to the nicest restaurant in town?

 

or go to a seedy bar with a seedy person while your sweety is at home alone?

[motog]

oops im with you on that one

[Rabican]

I would probably tell her that I was unwlling to be with someone who gets trashed at bars, and ends up getting rides home from strangers. Gets trashed at bars, and spends my birthday hanging out with some other dude while I sit around and wonder what the hecks going on. gets trashed and starts making up funny stories about who shes talking to on the phone, and why. shes not making any sense, and isnt showing any respect towards you.

 

So, if shes willing to make some changes then you give her another chance, but if things are going to stay status quo then cut your losses before you invest too much time.

[Rabican]

I feel I should get out but I just cant! i really have strong feelings for her and she really doesnt go out hardly at all...this I know...but when she does it is not good

 

As long as you can handle your woman only cheating on you once in a while, or you staying up late at night worrying about her once in a while... cmon man, shes getting trashed drunk and hanging out with shady guys and letting them drive her home while you sit around worrying about her.