At least I know it's not totally my fault

[paulapalooza]

Last Friday, my boyfriend broke up with me. Ever since it happened I've been using this website as a means of getting over it. Over the past week I've been posting rather regularly. You can read them here:

 

 

 

 

 

Last night after I met up with my ex to give him back his stuff, it was like we broke up all over again. I was a blubbering, crying mess last night. But, instead of staying home and depressing myself further, I decided to go out with my friends.

 

We decided to go out dancing and to paint the town red. I was really having a good time, but then all of a sudden, I ran into all of my ex's best friends. Luckily my ex wasn't there. What is significant about this meeting was that they were totally supportive of me and offered any help that they could give. They were all sorry about my ex and I not working out, and they were even more shocked that it even happened in the first place. They all reassured me that I'm the coolest (ex)girlfriend that my ex ever brought around and they all totally still want to keep in touch.

 

So, although my ex is going through this "thing" where he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, it doens't mean that us breaking up was entirely my fault. I used to think that I may have done something wrong, or I didn't treat him fairly enough, but the more I think about it, the more I think that it wasn't my fault at all.

 

I've decided that I'm going to follow through with NC. He needs his space. In a strange way, I'm still hopeful that things may work out. But then again, maybe this is for the best. I have had reassurance that I'm not a bad person, especially from people that weren't my friends first. And that makes me feel better. I know I can get through this. For the most part, I have everyone to thank on this forum. This forum has been a huge source of stength for me, and I want to personally thank everyone. You guys are the best.

 

Although I don't really have a point to this thread, I just wanted to share my story. Yes, we will make it through this.

 

Paula

[annie24]

hey paula. (((HUGS))) well, I am glad you went out and decided to have fun! and that is cool to hear about your ex's friends. It's good that they didn't scream and run the other way! obviously, you are a cool chick, you know it, your ex's friends all know it...

 

I do think NC is the right way to go... you never know, he may after a while realize he messed up the best thing he ever had. or he may not, but either way, you are awesome and you're going to be alright!

[joyce1412]

you're not a bad person! i would feel really great about myself right now if i were you. getting support from your ex's closest friends is really big. now you know what a moron he was to lose you.

[NJRon]

Things usually work out for the best... just not always as you intended them to. That's ok. Best wishes...

[Donster]

let me be the fourth person to give you an online *hug*.

the failure of a relationship can never ever be attributed to any one thing or anyone person. it takes two to tango, and it is what each person brings to the table the makes the relationship work or not work.

 

Blaming yourself is a common way to react to something like a breakup. Blaming your ex is another way to do it. (I've done both).

 

So good luck during this transition in your life, and remember a couple of things:

 

1) you WILL get through this, and you will find yourself more fulfilled and with a richer life than you ever thought you would have

2) you're not a bad person. and your ex probably isn't either. But for whatever reason, things just werent properly aligned for you two to be together right now.

3) the intensity of the feelings that you are feeling right now will diminish over time, and NC is the way to achieve this. It will not only allow your ex the time and space he needs to figure things out, but it will do the same FOR YOU! And this time will be a wonderful time for personal growth and development.

[GGie]

Good to hear that you are recovering from your previous r/ship.

 

I am new to this website, and found out that I am really not alone - Everyone seems to have similiar r/ship problems as I have.

 

I broke up with my bf two weeks ago. It happened just out of sudden as we always have fun together for the last few mths, at least thats what I thought. He initiated a break up and said that we are just not compatible and he was not sure if I am NOT the right gal for him, etc.

 

I probably think we are NOT YET gf and bf, as he said he treats me as a date, someone that he goes out with.

 

He wants to be friend and became upset when I said I wasnt sure about that.

 

He mentioned that he has been feeling stress over the last few mths, which I cant sense it at all.

 

When he told me that he needed some space and would speak to me later. I knew that he is going to break up with me. I wasnt sure what happened until he phoned me up two days later and told me that he cant be with me, etc.

 

Initially I kinda feel that I should have cared about him more about his life, etc. But then when I think about it, how am I gona do it if he never opens his heart for me.

 

I then realise that he may not want to have a serious r/ship with me. Ha.

 

All these days I have been telling myself - ok, move on with your life. Tomorrow is going to be a better day. I have been fine until he texted me last week and told me that he has an infection (his penis was itchy thats why he went to see doctor). He said that infection was caused by me as he has not slept with anyone else apart from me.

 

I collapsed and burst into tears.

 

My heart sinked.

 

I then went for a check up. My report was clean and I do not have any infection at all. I dun want to be blamed after split up.

 

I want to move on with my life. However deep inside me I feel like telling him, probably just a short message to him that my report is clean. Is it ok? Or should I just leave it?

[paulapalooza]

Personally, I would tell him. But, by telling him, I'm not sure you're going to get the validation that you want. He still may get angry with you, call you a liar, etc. etc. But, I think that it will clear your conscience if you tell him. Just be prepared for him to be short with you and the like. After that, it's NC.

 

You can pm me anytime to talk about this. Our situation totally sounds the same. We can get through this together. Not only would you be helping yourself, but you would be helping me as well.

 

***HUGS***

 

Paula

[GGie]

Hi Paula,

 

Thank you for your encouragement.

 

The administrator wont allow me to pm you, for some reason.

[paulapalooza]

Well ok, if you feel comfortable enough, we can talk on here. If not, I would contact an admin to find out what's going on. Let me know.

[GGie]

erm...pm seems better?

[paulapalooza]

That's cool. I can totally understand that. I would send a message to an admin to see what is up with your account. I'm not sure why you can't pm me.

[krieg]

just remember that, in the end, if the other person isnt feeling the same about you after this ammount of time, then you need to let them go.

 

your looking for a relationship he isnt. so try and forget him, all be it its never easy. maybe he will share your feeling in time, but then again dont get your hopes up and clutch onto that ideal.

 

best of luck

[NJRon]

I believe you have to have a minimum number of posts before that capability to opened up.. something like 10 or so.

[paulapalooza]

One of my boyfriend's friends -- who works with me, oddly enough -- asked me to hang with him for lunch today. Over lunch we were talking about my breakup. He too said it was unexpected and "out of the blue". I tried to pry into what they talked about, but I wasn't very successful.

 

Just thinking about my ex though really makes me feel like I should call him and see what he's doing, even though I decided on NC. I can't explain it. I can't stop thinking about him and the longer I sit at my desk at work, the more I want to pick up the phone just to hear his voice.

 

NC is harder than I thought. At the same time, I question if my ex would even want to talk to me. If he did, wouldn't he just pick up the phone? Or, is he going through the same thing I am. When I saw his friends over the weekend, they all told me that he wasn't doing too well. Ugh! This sucks.

[Closure]

Paula,

If you need to talk to a total stranger my msn is in my profile

[paulapalooza]

I added you to my list.