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Would you have done the same?

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My girlfriend and I were together for over a year - about 15 months in total. 3 times through that time, I stumbled accross dirty text messages on her phone - both sent to her from other blokes and from her to these guys.


Then yesterday when she tells me she's in a city about 2 hours from home, I text her to ask how her day is going, whether she's having a good time with her friends (supposed to be out on a birthday bash) and she tells me she's at her friends house waiting for her to get changed to go out. I think nothing more of it.


About 20 minutes later I remote desktop into my home computer for some files for work, and I see that's she sat at the computer, texting two guys with some really sordid messages. So I text her again and (perhaps deviously) ask if she's still at her friends, and she tells me she is. So I call her and ask her where she is again, and she tells me on the phone that she's at her friends. Then I tell her I can see that she's logged on to the computer texting these guys. She quickly shuts down the chat sessions, and starts raving about me checking up on her (I genuinely wasn't - didn't even think she was at home.)


So I ask her why on earth she would tell me she's at her friends house when she's sat at home (why lie about a thing like that?). She can't answer me.


So I ask her to move out, that night, back to her own house a short distance from my own. She does, takes most of her stuff and calls me late at night in tears saying she just wants to see me and to have a hug from someone.


I try and calm her down and eventually she hangs up on me. I sleep...


The next day I go back to my house, and I log onto the computer and I look at her MSN history - it's obvious most of it has been deleted, but I find this one recently modified log file, that contains the following:



(OK - I thought the forum would asterix out the expletives, apologies to the mod. A summary of the content in as polite a format as possible is below).


She tells him she wants him, he says can he come round tonight, she says no but he can tomorrow during the day, and he's to bring condoms.


As I'm reading this, and feeling like the pit of my stomach is being extracted with barbed wire, she texts me to ask how I am. So I tell her what I've just read.


She tells me she wanted to meet this guy, but didn't go through with it. These messages were sent between them the day before I caught her lying about where she was.


Give me your honest opinion - what would you do?




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You're a smart guy, you've done the right thing. You really need to get rid of her. Just don't fall for her manipulative, crying scenes and you'll be all right soon. NC her and hit the delete button for this relationship.


And when you need to vent come here on enotalone.

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It seems that the relationship between the 2 of you has drifted. The fact that she is even talking to these guys and fooling around sugests that she is not dedicated to the relationship as you might have thought. If you love your partner you are not going to sit there and a) Lie to them and b) Look for other guys to sleep with.


I believe you did the right thing in telling her to leave. You dont know how long this has been going on. If you were to let it slide, you will find that you will be dealing with more of the same issues in the future. The fact that she rang you up crying is just her way to manipulate you. Shes trying to make you feel guilty. Dont let her pull it over you.


Take care

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I know its hard, theres barriers in the way, and you probably don't want to get out, but something I've learned, and i remember it whenever I feel low about my ex, is that you deserve more respect than what you are currently obtaining from her.


You must respect yourself. Its not fair on yourself.

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She tells me she wanted to meet this guy, but didn't go through with it. These messages were sent between them the day before I caught her lying about where she was.


dump her for good. if you hadn't stumbled upon her files, she would have already slept with him by now. she has lied to you and has either already cheated on you, or had intention to. and that she lied openly and so many times about where she was (her friend's house) when she was really talking raunchy to some other men.


I would kick her out on my life for good!

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I agree with everyone else. You really need to dump her and get out of that relationship. One thing is she lied and two she is talking to other guys in a sexual manner and was even willing to meet them. GROSS! You can not and should not have to live like that. Don't fall for her excuses. Good luck


You sound like a nice guy - agree with everyone else, dump her. I think she's got issues, if she's NOT cheating with you. The adrenalin of flirting/going further with guys via text and MSN - it's not good news.


Good thing that you found out and that you had incontrovertible proof, which you got accidentally.


Erm, a slight query though - I didn't know that MSN conversations were recorded????

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Erm, a slight query though - I didn't know that MSN conversations were recorded????


Neither did I till today, I did a quick google on MSN history just because it made me think, and there are a stack of XML files stored under "My received Files" (in a sub-directory somewhere that have all the conversation histories - but my now ex-girlfriends had big gaps in it - so she knew about them, just didn't get round to delete the latest on.


Thanks for all your comments guys, I wanted to sanity check that I wasn't over reacting or being too harsh... I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

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