Should I stay or go?

[tinysquid66]

I was engaged to a man I love very much.

We live together and I have a jealously issue. He is 42 and I am 40. He is third man in my life I have ever had sex with. I was with one once when I was a kid and then with another for 20 yrs and this man now is my 3rd. Sex is very important to me. I never cheated strayed whatever you want to call it although I have many opportunities. I can honestly say I am a good person with a face and body that could kill. I can admit I am beautiful inside and out.

 

We live in a town where he grew up and has dated so many women in it I can not really go anywhere without running into one of them. I am from an entirely different state.

 

My jealousy has caused many problems and now he has done the betrayal.

He slept with one of his ex's Saturdaynight.

We had a huge fight and he took his ring back and yes I was drunk as hell as was he.

He went back to the party and then went home with "HER"

I did not find out till 2 days later when a friend of his informed me.

 

I admit i was wrong and started the fight but he wiped that slate for me when he did this.

 

He is home and I love him very much. He swears he did not have sex with her. I am apt to believe him because when he is drunk he can not have sex.

 

But even still he went home with her. I feel like that was a slap in my face. She is the one we have been arguing about. She has been after him since they broke up originally. He would tell me over the course of our relationship that she isn't . I know he hasn't been with her b4 this as I am always with him. We work together, have a business together.

 

Today is the deadline I set on if we split or not. I dont hate him I love him very much. I am so confused.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am so sorry this happened to you. There was clearly a communication breakdown. He should not have run to the other women, fight or no fight. Was the fight related to this women? The problem with jealousy is that after a while the person who is at the receiving end of the jealousy from their partner says to themselves "well, if I am being accused and I am innocent, why not just go for it since I am being accused anyway".

 

You can't help the fact that these women are all around him. The fact is that he chose you in the end, not them. There will always be other women after men and you have to be able to trust your man that he won't stray, otherwise there is not point to the relationship. He definitely did betray your trust by sleeping with this other woman. Has he shown remorse for his actions. Your actions were wrong but so were his. If you want to re-build, both of you have to acknowledge where you went wrong and make a concerted effort to fix it. Also, it is never a good idea to set deadlines for splitting up. Splitting up is when you feel that there is no choice left. I think you still want to work this out so the two of you need to sit down and talk.

[WildChild]

There may be the presumption by your boyfriend's friend that they did sleep together because they left together and/or the fact that he stayed at her house. Did his friend give any details as to how he has this knowledge? Furthermore, you mention that your original argument was over this girl, why? I understand completely going places and feeling as the person you are with has slept with every Sally, Sue and Jane and it does become hard not to let that get to you. Yes, ultimately in the end they chose "us" but at the same time even though they are with "us" , does not necessarily always mean the other girl cares I will tell you though, you sound very intelligent, and you say you are very good looking. Through all of that though comes insecurity because if you were that secure in who you were inside and out you wouldn't feel the need to be insecure about everyone of them that comes into the picture at one point or another. Keep in mind that insecurity and continuous jealousy make a beautiful person seem ugly.

 

Go with your gut on this one

[candy604]

marriage is important, ask yourself if he is capable of dealing with serious problems or will he just run off with a girl b/c he is mad ? both of you need to sit down and talk. You have to remember that he is with you and not the other girls for a reason. But if you do to continue that girl hopefully will leave you alone, make sure he doesn't be friends with her.

 

But you have to learn to hold your insecurties down, you're the one he wants to/wanted to marry, not the others.

 

good luck!

[tinysquid66]

Thank you very much for your responses and the great advice.

We actually talked lastnight and it was wonderful. I love this man very much and I truly believes he loves me.

He actually showed some remorse and I believe he regrets what he did.

As for the deadline. I am going to let it go and just see what leads ahead.

HUgzzzzzzzzz

[butterflydreamer]

Good to hear you are staying but don't let "her" control your life. You are accountable for your happiness....Good Luck!

[tinysquid66]

Candy604 replied "marriage is important, ask yourself if he is capable of dealing with serious problems or will he just run off with a girl b/c he is mad ?"

 

You have asked a good question.

Sadly, I don't have to ask that question..., Actions speak louder than words.