She called after 7 months NC. Help!!!

[coldheart]

Hi guys, I know I have been missing in action for a while, but what can I say? I wanted to live my life a little and forget about the breakup scene for a while. So far I am doing very good and feel brand new. However something has been happening lately and I need some decoding help.

 

My ex and me mutually broke up around 7 months ago and I let her be. Never called, e-mailed , or texted. I did all the right things. Now after 7 months she has been seeing some guy for about 3-4 months now. However, in the past month or so she has attempted contact with some of my female friends that werren't even close with her, and has even contacted my sister expressing to her how she still cared about the family and felt bacd about "disconnecting from everyone so abruptly".

 

Ultimately, she called me Tuesday morning before work hours (the day after labor day weekend) with a petty excuse needing my assistance with information for something. Allthis within the matter of one month. Is this a sign? Is something going on? I have moved on with my life although I'm still single I have healed well. Thanks to all!

 

PS: By the way, my NC was total. No e-mails, no texts, no drunken dials, no private calls, NOTHING. 100% NC from the day of the breakup till today (7 months).

 

-CH

[majord23]

First of all, you should be very proud of the strength you exhibited after the break-up - well done.

 

Now, as to what is going on in her head. It could be a number of things - trouble in her new relationship, missing you, just wanting to catch up. It could be *anything* - so it's best not to try to get inside her head.

 

If you analyse it too much, you'll find yourself trying to second-guess her or you'll start to build expectations that may never come to fruition.

 

Bottom line - focussing on what *might* be going on in her head, most definitely *will* affect what's going on in your head and also your actions.

 

I'm going through something similar at the moment, and after a rough couple of days (feeling anxious, wondering what she might want etc), I realised that if it is anything significant, she will let me know. And until (if) she lets me know, I continue with my life as I have been - for me, and for me only.

 

Just try to put it out of your mind and leave the worrying to her.

[heloladies21]

Too tough to tell at this point, but don't get your hopes up because this is very common for dumpers to do. If you have any doubts as to her true intentions, cut the small talk and ask her. "Are you interested in getting back together with me?" this will make her true feelings be known real quick.

[coldheart]

So you guys think this is definitely not the end of this "probing around"?

 

-CH

[Viper62382]

It could be probing, it could be catching up. It's too early to tell, just be you and if you are interested in getting back with her, dont let the small talk last for too long. Few days of catch up is fine, then the rest is up to you.

[Mstyiyd]

Congrats on your strength, for sure! I've been NC for nearly 5 months now myself, 100% total on my end as well. Moving on....I sound alot like you, where you're at at this point.

 

Like the others suggested, you need to keep the CAUTION flags up and keep going as you are. Let her initiate and keep your life going along. I made the mistake in the past w/my ex of getting excited @ the prospects of them breaking NC and alot of the times, I feel like she just missed me, was insanely curious how I could go on w/life after being so wrapped up in her, etc etc.

 

Good luck, and take whatever happens real slow and stay in the driver's seat!

[joyce1412]

I made the mistake in the past w/my ex of getting excited @ the prospects of them breaking NC and alot of the times, I feel like she just missed me, was insanely curious how I could go on w/life after being so wrapped up in her, etc etc.

 

yeah, i think it's very common for exes to check in on you. i think most of the time they want to make amends, to see if you've forgiven them. no one wants to be disliked, especially when he knows the person has good reason to dislike him

 

also, as it was said, they want to see if you're still lovesick over them. sounds cruel, but knowing that someone who was once crazy about you is now over you is hard to swallow. it's a great mystery to people, wondering what got someone to stop loving you, even if you were the one to end the relationship and are totally over it.

 

it almost sounds like she just wants to cap things off with your family and friends. obviously, the breakup quickly severed her from everyone in your life, so it sounds like she might just be popping in to say, "hey, sorry about that, hope you don't hate me too." she wants to tie it off, make a clean end, so she can rest easily.

 

i think almost anyone who is concerned about being a good person carries a lot of guilt from a breakup. i've carried a ton of guilt even after breaking off a relatively short relationship. so i think she's just trying to shed some of the guilt as best as she can.