Boys are complicated!

[nikkers04]

Hey, I just have a question. I recently met this guy who is VERY SHY! I am shy myself but I've been trying to become friends with him because I'm very attracted to him. I was just curious on some things to do or how to tell if he is interested back. If I text him he will text back but he very seldom texts me first. I want to be his friend first because I'm sure there are a million girls who want him so I want him to get to know me first but I'd like to be..."cool" so he will want to be with me if that makes sense! Any help would be great!

[JayJayBee]

Hey

 

Well in my opinion, if theres so many girls who want him...Id just say get yourself noticed first. But also dont be like all over him like all the other girls, cause you wanna be different and stand out. Trust me he will notice you more this way. Just be cool about it.

 

Cause remember boys always want what they can't have

 

...always worked for me.

[nikkers04]

I invited him to come hang out with me Friday we will see if he comes...if he does my plan was to be a little flirty but still be stand offish...not to hard to get but act like he isn't the only thing on my mind...if that makes sense. I want him to be able to be comfortable with me. But I'd also like to know how he feels with out scaring him away so that i'm not wasting my time thinking that there may be a chance.

[JayJayBee]

How long have you known him for??

[JayJayBee]

...and yes that made perfect sense. haha.

[sumguy]

Boys are complicated?! Girls aint exactly a walk in the park...

 

Being honest and confident in yourself, and being different from the "pack" in the way you touch and interact with him, will make you stand out far more than any trick or pre-planned strategy ever could.

[nikkers04]

I've known him for a couple months but we haven't really talked until recently. And its like the more I see him the more I want to get to know him...but then I feel like I'm pushing too hard.

[nikkers04]

lol sumguy what are you talking about? Girls are EASY to figure out Just kidding. I've grown up with guys...I was always one of the guys so I thought I had them for the most part...understood but this guy...is completely different.

 

Normally if I saw a guy like this I would stare and not have the guts to open my mouth to him...but I find it real easy to talk to him...Hey whats up type of thing..I don't understand why i'm so comfortable talking to him when i don't really know him.

[JayJayBee]

i see...

 

well i would just play it cool...

 

and i think if you just talkto him and have a decent convo, you're not pushing too hard...

[sumguy]

I've studied Quantam Physics, that was easier to figure out than any girl I know...

 

Might just be that kind of person, there are people that have an aura of "you can talk to me" that is irresistible and at the same time indefinable.

[nikkers04]

so do you guys think I should go and act like all I want is friends? or should I at least show that I'm interested but cool with either way?

[JayJayBee]

ummm...

 

I would say friends first. Juuust to make sure you really like him in THAT way.

 

Cause me and the guy im with now were friends for the longest time, and we had so many inside jokes and memories and all this good stuff... then when we realized we liked eachother more than friends it was so much easier cause you were already so comfortable with eachother.

[sumguy]

To play devils advocate I'm going to say go out letting him know full well what your intentions are for the future of the 'friendship', but don't be super-flirty or all over him or anything like that. Be yourself, have a good time, make no secret of why you're there and see where fate leads you.

 

Good Luck =)

[nikkers04]

Thanks alot guys...Now lets just hope he comes!

[JayJayBee]

of course anytime. Good luck. Make sure you let us know how it goes! haha

[Day_Walker]

You look for signals just like with anybody else. Since you know he is shy you know that he wont be making any moves so what you want to look for is his body language when you two are out together.

[Batya33]

I would stop the text messaging habit - it makes you too available/accessible and if you do get more attached and he stops responding you will not know why. It's a very indirect, toneless way of communicating - and it is not the kind of communication you need to get to know someone. He doesn't need to see your texts on his phone constantly or even every day - nothing special about it especially since he doesn't know you well. Continue to be open friendly and approachable when you see him and if he is sincerely interested in you he will ask you out on a proper date - and not via a text message!

[MaeMae]

I agree about the text thing. Maybe not cut it out completely, as you don't want him suddenly thinking you're mad at him or something, but don't do it a bunch of times a day. I have a cell phone with text and it gets really annoying when I'm trying to watch a show or have a conversation with someone or eat a meal and my stupid phone keeps beeping. If he's shy, he probably won't want to be rude and not answer no matter how irritated he is about it. Also if you text him all the time he will get the impression that you're needy and that is a big turn off. Is there some reason you can't talk to him more in person instead of the text thing?

[tylercdurden2004]

I am shy myself but I've been trying to become friends with him because I'm very attracted to him.

 

Attraction doesnt work this way. You are becoming his friend and thats it. You should be trying to make it clear you want something else, something more than friends if that is indeed what you want.

[renaissancewoman101]

If you just flat out tell him you want more than friendship, you run the possibility of him telling you that he isnt ready to date yet, or he feels uncomfortable dating, etc. Then you've lost. I've had that happen to me recently where I liked a guy and then I told him I was interested in dating him. He told me that he wasnt ready to date yet and see what happens down the road. That blew up in my face. Sometimes I wonder if I should never have said anything first.

 

Sometimes it pays to be honest, other times it doesnt.

[tylercdurden2004]

Not being ready to date is an excuse. They do not want to be with you simple as that. Maybe they are not over an ex maybe they arent attracted to you. It better to find this out early so you can move on instead of fooling yourself that "it might work out."

[MaeMae]

I agree with Tyler.

[renaissancewoman101]

But isnt most lasting, long-term relationships usually based on being friends first?

[tylercdurden2004]

But isnt most lasting, long-term relationships usually based on being friends first?

 

No. In fact I would say most people dated, after a few dates started sleeping with each other, and then next thing you know shes got him hooked!