what the hell I'm I suppose to do?

[Mettaone]

Okay, if you haven't read my post before it's the one titled I can't stop struggling with this..... So it's been a few weeks since my ex last contacted me through e-mail. I was very brief with her then because it has been way to difficult for me to talk to her, even through e-mail. I love her so much and I just can't say much more than that. She just e-mailed me again today asking me how things are and if I'm settling in okay? Why must she send those little things? I know she cares and that's why she does it but it's breaking my heart everytime. I really don't know how to respond. It may sound crazy but I really don't know. For me it just all relates back to my feelings everytime and I can't just be casual in my e-mails with her. What the hell should I do? Leave it alone and not respond? Or be brief with her again. I can't do this. I miss her so f***ing badly.

[Ohso]

My personal belief is to cut contact entirely, for you this would mean choosing to ignore her e-mails and hope she gets the message.

 

You may or may not want to reply one last time explaining how difficult it is to have her in your life still and that you'd prefer it if she didn't contact you anymore.

[jmantra]

I second ohso's statement, who is she to expect to have her cake and eat it too?

[DetrimentalContemplations]

Eh, my advice is a bit different.

 

In all honestly, it's so hard when you still care about someone and they keep hacking away at that by contacting. It's like you almost feel taunted.

 

My honest opinion is to contact her, but let her know that now is not that time for the contacting, and that, like you said, you understand she may care and everything, but now is a time for healing -- and that can't be done with her constantly making her presense aware.

 

Let her know you just need time, and that there might come a day that you swing by to say hello or something.

 

By stopping all contact completely that leaves too much room for confusion, and possibly EVEN more contact to find out what's going on.

 

Your best bet: INFORM HER. If she continues after you informed her, at least she'll know when you discontinue communication with her. ;D

 

xo steff

[Mettaone]

Thanks.....but I really still have no idea as to what to do. I know that some day stopping by won't be an issue considering I'm now on the East coast and she is in the mid-west. It's so hard to not respond cuz' she is such a sweet and wonderful person. But a friend is not what she could be to me. So, I guess I'll just have to sit on this one for a while. I just sometimes feel that she is contacting me cuz' she may still love me, but I don't want to fool myself is she doesn't. Our relationship truly was something out of this world. She obviously needs this time to figure herself and her life path out. I just wish the fluidity of a female's sexual orientation would just stay in one place. The change from being with women to men........C'mon. That's really ripping someone's heart out.

[DetrimentalContemplations]

I feel your pain.

If you're just not knowing what in the hell to do at this point -- do just as you said: SIT ON IT.

Don't take too much time out of your life to think about it, it's focus time for you. Apparently she's getting her life together, so it's your turn.

The best thing to do at this point, in all honesty -- take a moment, breathe, and then answer yourself. ;D

[Deviant_Kate]

I think DetrimentalContemplations had some damn good advice. I think that you do need to cut contact so you can have some time to heal without her emails constantly reopening the wound. DetrimentalContemplations is right though - you should explain yourself to your ex. Tell her that you don't want to lose touch completely, but you need some time to heal before you try being friends. You need some time to get settled into your new life - some time to figure out how to stand on your own. You can't do that if she's constantly emailing you. You need to prove to yourself that you can live without her.