I think I intimidate men

[Karibo]

So theres this guy i like alot and I think he likes me back alot too. He is quite shy and is an extremely sweet guy and the trouble is I'm always getting told by guys, "Wow, you're stunning. Bet you get loads of guys chatting you up."

 

Well this seems to be the problem coz alot of nice guys ive been interested in in the past have seen this as intimidating because they think i can do better than them as if they think im only into 'bad boys' or something because of the way i look, but i can tell you I would go for a nice guy any day.

 

So my question is, how do I go about letting this guy know that i like him for who he is and that im not just gunna run off with the next bad boy when ive had enough of this guy?

 

We kissed and exchanged numbers a couple of weeks ago but i just get the impression he feels intimidated by me and threatened by other guy's interest in me.

 

Thanks

[friscodj]

Hey Karibo!

 

What an admirable post...

 

If you want to "go for" him then go for him! Be aware of the situation and make extra efforts to make this guy the center of your emotional world, especially around other guys. I think if you couple this with a lot of positivity and compliments towards him early on, he will "get the picture" and become more at ease with the situation...

 

He sounds like a lucky guy to me...

[Shadow25]

Agreed with the above post, I reckon that if you make him feel more comforable around you, by treating him with respect and what not, then he will feel fine.

The only reason he would feel intimidated is because he doesnt think he can be with someone as great looking and sweet as you.

So you need to make him feel like you would love to be with him, and him only.

Tell him you don't like jerks even, tell him what your thoughts are if you really want...I don't know, but make him feel less intimidated.

[Siriana]

Well treat him right and show him that you care about him. If he's insecure you can't do nothing about it. I guess guys who are little bit insecure are having a problem with the fact that other guys find you attractive.

 

It could be your fault only if you act as you are hard to approach type of person or if you send mixed signals to him. As long as your actions correspond with your feelings other guys finding you attractive shouldn't worry him.

[DN]

Have you talked to him since then. If not, or he has been the one to call and not you, then a good way to demonstrate your interest is to call him and ask him out.

[Karibo]

Hiya

 

Thanks guys for your replies. Well my friends and I went to the bar where he works the other night and he did seem very happy to see me. I chatted to him for about a minute because he was run off his feet and he seemed a little shy talking to me but at the same time very pleased I was there (was acting more animated than usual with a big grin and kept walking past and looking at me until i tried to look back and he couldn't look me in the eye and just blushed).

 

That is all tho. I tried to call him a few days ago but his voicemail said he was probably at work.

[DN]

Did you leave a message?

[Batya33]

Most men I know express that opinion when they want to flatter the woman but be off the hook as far as having to tell the woman that she is not the right match for him. I think this is the same guy you posted about on another thread where you described him as very shy but in my opinion he was not shy at all, just, unfortunately, not "that" interested in you to ask you out.

 

I have heard the whole "educated, successful professional women are intimidating." I am one of those. I don't think I have ever intimidated a man who was a good match for me. If you truly believe you come accross as intimidating, I would consider whether your body language is friendly (not flirty, just not cold) and whether you are judging your impression by the impression you give off at a bar.

 

I find that a bar is typically a bad place to make the right impression because if you are drunk well, then, you might give the wrong impression and if you are not and the man is you might come accross as uptight.

 

In any event, most guys who already got the woman in question to kiss them would have no problem asking out the woman since the most important question - attraction - would be answered for them. Moreover, he works at a bar and flirts a lot I am sure with many of the customers - not an example of a guy who is intimidated or that shy that he can't ask out a woman who is as available to him as you are (since you kissed him).

[Karibo]

Its funny how wherever I post this, all the men say "ask him out" and all the women say "He's not interested and if he was then he'd of asked you out". No wonder i'm confused about what to do!

 

Think i might be edging towards going with the guy's advice tho. I mean everyone is human too! We can't put all men into one catagory! I know for a fact that he is shy, but yes I realise also that this does not necessarily mean he is interested and just shy.

 

I think I'd rather take the chance than wonder tho.

[Batya33]

I think most men are flattered by a woman who pursues them in the beginning. I also think few of those men are going to choose that woman to be in a long term relationship with.

 

If he is already interested, he most likely will ask you out unless he is unavailable or has serious emotional problems (and then, why bother?) - if he is not interested you pursuing him will flatter him and maybe result in a brief fling but that's probably about it.

 

Of course we're all human and it is very "human" for "most" men that they prefer to be the main pursuer in the beginning - if the woman takes that role away their interest level might be the same but they may end up a little confused about the woman (i.e. wondering if perhaps she is desperate, or too aggressive for them, etc). So, I have always preferred to let the man do the asking and planning in the very beginning and once we are an "item" I am of course happy to meet him at least halfway. I also have no issue with you asking him to participate in a group outing (if he calls you) or to mention a movie or party you'd like to go to.

 

The men are telling you to ask him out because that makes it a lot easier for the man. If you think about it in the long term though, if making it easier now risks that he may be turned off/not interested in a woman who does the pursuing you will not get what you want. Instead, ask men "how many men do you know in happy long term relationships where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning (or throughout)." That's the relevant question in my opinion.