Why did it end?!?!?

[DjSystemz]

Hi im new and this is my first post. Ive talked to a couple of people about my problem and nobody can help me yet, so i hope someone can on here. I was dating thing amazing girl for a while. She was everything to me, we never got in arguments, we never fought, we always had an awesome time and we were just perfect together and im not exaggerating, we NEVER argued or fought about anything.

 

Couple weeks pass by still going strong, but then she starts changing. Changing as in her moods. One day her and I would be all over each other and laughing and smiling and having the greatest time in the world. Then the next day she would be a totally different person. I would see her and she always had her head down. She didnt want to kiss me or hug me or have nothing to do with me. Then it started happening every weekend. She would get in this depressed mood. I would ask her what was wrong and she never gave me a straight answer. Until she actually told me about her family and how many problems she has with them and how her family doesnt care for her and shes always mad or depressed when shes around them.

 

She comes from a bad family background. I have told her that I would work things through with her and support her but she said that nobody can fix her problems. She is very fickle meaning that she thinks alot i quess. So when she thinks about her family problems, she had these doughts about our relationship for some reason. She told me this last weekend. Now yesterday i went over and we were talking and she said since there is so much going on in her life right now, she doesnt know how to feel with anyone. She feels like she shouldnt be in a relationship right now because of all of whats going on. Then she tells me she lost all feeling for me. Im so confused at this point, i havent done anything wrong! Why would she feel like this? isnt a relationship suppose to help someone through problems, someone to talk to? Anyways we broke up yesterday and ive felt like throwing up ever since. She wants me to be fine with this but she knows im not. I dont know what to do! Someone please help me! Im still so in love with this girl! Someone help me! Please

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone -

 

i don't think you did anything wrong either. it sounds like she has some pretty deep problems, and they were the cause of the breakup, not you. you offered to help her out, and she pushed you away. it sounds like she has a lot of stuff she needs to work out on her own.

 

I would say, right now, give her some space, let her think about this. you too, you should also think if this is the best situation for you to stay in. you shouldn't be with someone who runs so hot and cold.

 

I don't know... maybe in a week or so, send her a letter, or ask her to meet you for coffee... tell her you really want to be there for her, and that you love her, but you don't want to be pushed away. see what she says.

 

good luck

[DjSystemz]

Thanks so much, yeah she does have some deep problems with her whole family. I just wish her problems didnt get in our way of our relationship. What should I do though? Should I give her alot of space? Leave her alone for a while? Should I engage converstaion with her anymore? It's just still so confusing to me. Ug

[annie24]

what did you guys say when you broke up? what did you tell her, what did she tell you?

 

if you haven't already hammered in the point, i don't know how many times you two have talked about it, but it may be helpful if you contact her JUST ONCE and meet with her, and lay all your cards on the table, tell her you want to help, want to be there for her. but if she says no again, then I would let her go and don't beat yourself up. she may really just need to work out her problems on her own.

[simon_uk]

Hi

 

I have just had exactly the same problem with my girl. We were together three months and everything was perfect, she seemed so happy, told me how much she loved me often and how everything was just perfect.

 

One week she got quite depressed and scared about the relationship but that subsided overnight and she was back to her old self. Then just two weeks ago, she again got into a funny mood, i dont know why, but that then led to us breaking up.

 

She never gave me a real explanation as to why, she just said she wasnt ready for a relationship, even though for the past three months she was talking about living together etc, Even up until one day before she ended the relationship.

 

My girl also has a lot of worries, family problems, financial problems, previously bad relationships.

 

I dont know what to tell you man, because I dont know the answers. All I can say is i tried once to contact my gf, the day after we broke up and she was really quite hostile towards me, even though the day before she had told my sister she loved me.

 

I wouldnt contact her if I were you, it will only bring her and you pain. She needs her time alone and I would give it to her. If you really want to have a chance with her i the future. Leave her well alone to find her own answers.

 

I know how bad it is man. We just want and really deserve an explanation to this bizarre behaviour but pushing her will do just that, push her right away from you.

 

I am very weak at the moment, I accidentally seen her earlier today. It was a complete accident, I am just glad she didnt see me. It set me back a lot and I was very close to breaking NC. But right now she is emotionally unavailable and me contacting her is very selfish. If she wants to contact me, she will in her own time. If not, i will be left with all these questions but I will know in my heart that I did the right thing.

 

At the end of the day, we shouldnt be trying to win them back, they should be trying to win us back. We did nothing wrong. I hope you can realise this?

 

Be strong and good luck. Its an uphill battle.

 

Simon

[Boomer]

Hey ,

 

I had similar situation about a year ago. My suggestion to you is to leave her alone and give her space. If you start pushing and asking why you will be pushing her away. You do not know that her family matters are the reason she does not want to be with you. She might be using this reason as an excuse. IT might be a completely different reason like meeting someone else. Remember that if girl likes you she will never break up with you. You are man, YOU HAVE TO LEAVE HER ALONE AND GIVE HER SPACE. By doing this you are in control of situation. BELIEVE ME!!! YEAH AND DO NC ( No Contact) Read Superdaves posts. He is amazing in explaining this...

Hope it helps and we will be supporting you here at this forum

[simon_uk]

Boomer is right, you dont know the real reason, neither do I.

 

But dont let Boomer's possible theory of another man enter your mind. You dont need to concern yourself with this. You dont need to concern yourself with anything. All you need to know is at this moment in time she doesnt want to be with you. Accept it and giver her space.

 

She will come back, IF she wants to, if not there is nothing you can do. Pushing for answers will only hurt you. You may hear something you dont want to hear or you may just make her resent you. Either way, YOU lose.

 

NC is the only way as much as you care and as much as you want to contact her.

[candy604]

she could be telling you that she lost all feelings for you ( but hasn't) b/c she doesn't want to involve you with her problems and it's a way to make you leave ( but she may not you to). ( have you seen moulin rouge? I hope she realizes that it's better to have someone there to help her for support and listen than to have no one even though she may think her problems can't be fixed. If she still says no, just tell her she was the best gf and that you'll cherish the relationship and you'll be there if she needs you. Sounds like you were a good thing that happened to her b/c she was happy instead of being mad and depressed with her family. Sucks.

 

Family problems are horrible, i feel sorry for what she has to go though and how its affected your relationship. I would check up on her though as a friend to see how she is doing etc..

[NR498E]

I think the reason's she is giving you are bogus.She is just trying to let you down easy.I know that is not what you want to hear but that is what girls usually do.I've seen it a thousand times.

My advice to you is to go NC and stick with it.My guess here is you became a supplicating wuss over time and girls hate that.

I'm just giving you the common fact's about situation's like this.Take a hard look at yourself and learn all you can from this experience.What you learn from this will be invauluable in the future.

Remember,everything happen's for a reason.

good luck,Andy

[DjSystemz]

thnx for all your help guys. I quess i will try the NC thing, i think it would be the best. She also has one of those diary things online that I look at every so often to see how her life is doing and stuff. It seems that ever since we broke up shes been unhappy about everything. She says shes sick emotionally and physically. Is it wrong for me to spy on her like this? And I will give her all the space she needs.

[nilli]

I wouldn't say it was wrong of you to 'spy' on her given that it is online, but it probably isn't doing you much good.

 

The more you know, the more you can dwell on. Hard I know but...resist the temptation and focus on you.

[DjSystemz]

UPDATE:

 

soo this whole NC thingy isnt working for me alot. We see each other everyday because of school of course. We text each other 50bagillion text everyday and hug each other everyday I get a chance to see her. I told her today that I wanted to get back together with her and she said we can talk about it later... I have no clue what that means but we havent talked about it yet and I dunno when we will. But she has been VERY happy lately. Which kinda confuses me in a way. And i quess im getting a bunch of mixed singnals considering shes wanted to meet me in a couple of places a couple of times in random places during the day. Now I really dont know what to do. Maybe I should just wait until we talk tonight i quess. If the talk goes bad and she still doesnt have feelings for me im going to go STRICTLY NC. avoid her at all costs i quess and no texts. But if the talk goes well, i quess i have her back for now. So wish me luck and I will update after this "talk". Opinions are VERY open! Thnx

[sillygurl]

Maybe it would help if you tried to ease into NC, like maybe only text her back after she texts you twice, or if you meet her at the same times 5 times a day, be late or early, so that you only see her 4 times a day, that kind of thing. It might be easier on you than cold turkey...but then again, I've been trying unsuccessfully to quit smoking for 8 months, so I may be completely off base!

[DjSystemz]

I appreciate everyones help and advice and opinions. They really do help. Sigh* heres my UPDATE again. I got back with my ex in the middle of September. Whats funny is that she came to me and told me she wanted to get back together. So everything was going great. All her family stress never affected her during this second time we were going out, which was awesome because she was never down and depressed, she was always up and happy. But just yesterday, after i took her home, you could see something was wrong. The night before we all went out with a group of friends and she had a really good time.

 

So i kinda dont understand. The same night I took her home, i asked her what was wrong and she pretty much said everything. Pretty much like she was earlier when we first started going out. So now she doesnt know about us anymore. She says that her family problems are not the reason she doesnt have feelings for me. I think shes saying it's just me in general. So I guess tonight im going to talk to her to see what shes feeling, even though I think were going to break up. I don't understand it this time. It's killing me. I havent gotten out of bed until now to write this. I don't know if I should ever reconsider getting back together with her if we break up today. Just because this is too much for me. I have no motivation at all right now and i feel depressed and i'm never depressed!! This sucks. I need advice or something. Opinions are open. Thank you!

[sillygurl]

DJ:

this is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a painful ordeal

 

Don't know if this will help, but just because she's not into you right now doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just means you two don't click as well as you could with someone else. Maybe you could look at this break-up as be your opportunity to get back out there and find another person with whom you click better. So whatever the reason, whether she says it's something you do, or something about you, it isn't personal, it's just her perception. YOU are not flawed, but the two of you being together IS. Eeer...hope this makes sense!

 

SG

[annie24]

DJ:

this is heartbreaking, I'm so sorry that you have to go through such a painful ordeal

 

Don't know if this will help, but just because she's not into you right now doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just means you two don't click as well as you could with someone else. Maybe you could look at this break-up as be your opportunity to get back out there and find another person with whom you click better. So whatever the reason, whether she says it's something you do, or something about you, it isn't personal, it's just her perception. YOU are not flawed, but the two of you being together IS. Eeer...hope this makes sense!

 

SG

 

I agree - just because she isn't into you doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you - just that you two are not a good "fit." Fit is important.

 

Yeah, I was suspecting that ther family troubles weren't at the bottom of things.

 

anyways, don't stress, there are other girls out there, go find one that is a match for you.

[DjSystemz]

Thanks you guys, heres where I stand right now. Her reasons for us breaking up was because she was very inconsistent with her thoughts and her feelings sway back and forth all the time. So she did what was best for us and broke up. She said it wasnt fair to me if she had feelings for me one day and doesnt the next. So i guess I understand the reason. But she doesnt want to lose me. She still wants to be good friends . But I don't know if I can, i still have strong feelings for her and everytime I see her i get butterflies in my stomach and i feel akward. But I guess im trying to be friends with her now. Last night we talked on the phone for a couple of hours and laughed and joked around. I guess what im asking is that should I just go with this friendship? Or should I go into NC? But if I go into NC then she will know im avoiding her and she will be upset because she will think i was mad at her. Or should we stay really good friends? Also, should I hold onto any hope of us getting back together or do you think it's over with us? Sorry for all my questions, understand that I have never dealt with something like this before. Thank You!

[sillygurl]

Djsystemz

You have to do what is right for you, and only you can decide that. It sounds like you are confused and hurt; maintaining a friendship right now could add to that. Maybe if you took time off, started NC or LC, you'd be able to sort out what is best in your situation. You can always tell her that you need some time to yourself, and that you'll call her when you are ready, that way she won't be mad and think you're ignoring her.

 

Whether or not you stay really good friends depends on how well you think you can handle having a friendship with someone who you have such deep feelings for. I was great friends with my ex before we started dating, but right now being friends isn't something I can do, because I need to get past the "romantic" feelings I have for him. Eventually I'm sure we'll be great friends! But that is a few months down the road...

 

good luck

[DjSystemz]

Thank You so much for your support guys. Iv'e been texting my ex all day and she seems really happy and i guess i figured out how to let her go. She sent me a text that touched me and made me realize how I can't lose this person out of my life. "I'm really glad were still friends, i seriously don't know what I would do without you, I would go crazy ^-^!" Now she just sent me a text asking if she can call me later and i said sure. So i kind of am hanging on to a little hope that we can still have a relationship in the future. But for now i believe that just us being friends is better than not having her at all. Even though my story of this girl has been rocky and confusing and everything inbetween i believe it has made me a stronger person inside. I would consider this a happy ending. If anything else happens i will come back to this thread and continue my story. So keep checking up and thank you everybody that has helped me through this. I feel better!!! *phew

[DjSystemz]

Read what I have figured out in a small period of time. It's interesting

 

(A) My story continued..

 

(B) One type of girl you need to wach out for!!! (AKA my eX)

 

(A) -> I really need to write a book haha! So as you all know my little story up top. I'm pretty much over my ex and moving on to other girls that are interested and such and it feels fantastic. My ex and I decided to stay friends. Of course we don't see each other much as we use to at school and don't text as much. It's very limited now. Just a simple hi, how are you, and bye. Yada Yada. It's been a good 3 weeks since my break up. But now there is a small conflict I don't know how to kind of deal with. My ex is talking to someone else and is hanging around him ALOT!! Like i see them all the time together now. Why am I telling you this if im over her you ask. Maybe because he is one of my long time friends. Im not jelouse, and im not angry. I just feel weird and akward suddenly. Let me point out that this is a friend that I don't hang out with on weekends and like hardly EVER talk to, but we had some very good times earlier on and we talk on occasions. Maybe we can say hes more as an old friend. But how should I react to something like this?? Because I kind of dont have emotions about it right now besides on the weirdness and akwardness. So yeah. lol.

 

(B) I don't know that i mentioned this but after my break up, i started talking to the only person that understood what I was going through. That's right. Her previouse ex. Me and him have knowed each other but never really talked and hung out like we are now. I consider him a best friend now. haha. But anyways, he went out with my ex for a little bit over a year and she broke up with him for the same reason she broke up with me. The loosing of the feelings. One saturday we hung out all day from literally 8am to midnight. We talked, talked, talked, talked, and talked some more about what I went through and what he went through. We figured it out. Pretty much on what type of girl she was and is and will alwasy be. Here it is

 

(B)This kind of girl you need to look out for. This type of girl will meet you for the first time and as soon as you get to know her REAL well, she will grow to like you ALOT. She will then want you to text her all the time and meet with her at specific locations of school or w/e and be with her ALOT. Ok, as soon as you start a relationship with this type of girl, everything will be great and dandy and almost perfect because she claims to LOVE you. lol. Try not to become so attached because here is what she will do. *As soon as the relationship becomes to routine for her and boring and the same old same old she will slowly lose feelings*

 

This is a cycle that this type of girl goes through. Shes confused, doesn' know what she wants and is confused AGAIN!! LOL! This is FACT right now considering this has happened with the same girl with three different men. Me inlcuding. Just becareful out there people. We figured out something else too that was very interesting which I will post later today about ***hole boyfriends and how they know what they are doing. No lie, wach for the post later tonight.

 

Thank you for reading my story and i appreciate everyones help in the process of my crazy story.

[SuperDave71]

DJ,

 

 

I want you to keep something in mind my friend...

 

 

You are ONLY giving us YOUR point of view. What I mean is..maybe she was having doubts about the relationship without you knowing..

 

I am NOT trying to bring you down whatsoever...I just want you to see the other side of the coin possibly.

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71