lots of questions could use some help....

[kimmie11479]

Ok so I hit a brick wall last night. I'm still really confused about this NC thing. May I ask what is the point? I contacted him and we had a talk. Finally after 2 months of him saying "I think this is what we need right now" I finally got "yes I want to be friends b/c we were together for so long but no I don't want to be with you anymore". So great now I can move on right?????? Well for me that will be hard but I refuse to let someone get me down. Should I start dating???? I don't want to think about him and I don't want to hurt so a rebound could be a good thing right???? Tell me, honestly what would be the best thing for me to do. It's so obvious that I love him and want him back. What must I don't to get over that???

[southerngirl]

The no contact thing is to allow you to heal.

 

I cant say honestly what would be the best thing for you to do. How long did you and him date? Rebounds are not allways good.

 

Have to grieve the loss of the relationship. Let it hurt.. Cry... sometimes thats good for you to do.

[RayKay]

A rebound won't stop you from hurting..maybe temporarily, but unless you actually heal through the loss, then you are only putting a bandaid over a raging infection...and it will come out and do even more damage. Plus, it's very unfair to that other person!

 

No contact is to give you the time and space to heal, because usually when you remain in contact, you also remain in "hope" and also are reminded often of how things are different. It tends to keep you stuck in the healing process, hoping fo a change in their heart, or a miracle, and it also can enhance the pain as you see them moving on.

 

It is not impossible to be friends down the road, once there has been some healing on BOTH sides, but generally trying it RIGHT after can cause some significant delays in healing and moving on.

[kimmie11479]

we were together for 2yrs and have been broken up for about 2 months. It just hasn't gotten any better for me.

[kimmie11479]

and from what i hear he seems fine. how can that be????

[kellbell]

Hey kimmie,

 

I read your other posts and you had mentioned you broke up with him to teach him a lesson so to speak. And from what I understand, the plan backfired. Unfortunately, things do not work out they way we plan or the we hope. Perhaps you placed expectations on him that you did not fully talk about in detail with him? Like how much time you spend together. Someone gave me this advice and my life became a whole heck of a lot easier since...

 

"Expectations are premediated resentments..." I have learned to try not place expectations on others, try to get my needs accross in a diplomatic manner and try to talk about things ahead of time so there are no misunderstandings or assumptions. It takes some practice but it does make things a lot easier and it feels good to talk about things.

 

As far as NC goes, well it is really for you. It is a way for you to reflect on what happened, to heal and move on. It helps get rid of false hopes and being strung along. You will not know for sure if your ex is doing okay. Some people put on a brave face. I am sure he thinks about what happened and so forth. But from what you described in your previous threads, it did not seem like you and your ex were a good match. So, NC will help you move forward and heal. I would not recommend a rebound at this point but of course, it is ulitimately your choice.

 

I am sorry things did not work out and I hope you feel better soon.

[kellbell]

Here are some links about no contact that may be helpful and one thread created by SuperDave that might be helpful too...the thread is very long but SuperDave does hit on some key points that may help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last three links were written by MajorD23, whom has put together very useful and important guides on no contact and why it is important, kind of the do's and don'ts. Hope this helps.

[kimmie11479]

thank you kellbell I will look at those links

[kimmie11479]

oh my god that is the best thread that I have ever seen on this site I hope other's that read my thread use these links. Plus they are really long and can keep me occupied for hours. YEAH. This will def. teach me a few things and take up a lot of my down time.

[kellbell]

It is full of good information and has many people going through similar things. It helps to feel like you are not alone. There is a ton of support here and advice. Hang in there, when you do keep NC and start doing things for yourself, you will better, I promise. You just have to give yourself a chance.