My boyfriend wont sleep with me anymore?!

[poppolulu]

Me and my bf have been going out for just over two years. We first started sleeping together four months into the relationship and sex was great, we lost our virginities to one another which made us even closer in my eyes. However the last few months have been very rocky. He never wants to sleep with me. His excuses are that hes two tired or he feels ill. At first I believed him, but when I was on his laptop I clicked history instead of favourites and there was loads of porn in there, every day was full of porn. I felt hurt and stupid. I didnt understand why he would look at porn and not sleep with me. I had had enough and confronted him about it. He said sorry and was just looking at porn at work because he wanted sex with me tomorow or some silly excuse, however I believed it. We then started having sex once a week. I felt it not good enough, he is 19 and I am 17. I wanted a more physical relationship with him. I confronted him again, asking what the problem was, he said nothing and again was just tired. I refuse to believe it, and have started wondering if he is not finding me attractive anymore, as he is awake enough to watch TV into the early hours of the morning and to go running at 2 in the morning but not enough to sleep with me. I hate this, I love him so much and just want to know whats going on?!

[rose2summer]

He's neglecting your wants and desires here,

 

I would be very supicious that maybe he just isn't really that into you,

 

Otherwise he would want to be intimate with you,

 

And not choose porn over you,

 

Something is definitely wrong here,

 

His excuses are very weak,

 

So I think the best is to not try to initiate it with him,

 

And make him come to you instead for it.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Cardinal]

Your problem is not directly about a lack of sex. It is about a lack of communication on his part. I would have a thorough discussion with him about how much communication means to your relationship and make sure you two are on the same page. While you are at it, you might also reiterate what the relationship itself means to you. i.e. how important it is to fulfill your partners needs and what key factors make a long term relationship like yours work (honesty, loyalty, compromise etc).

 

My final note. I have heard women question whether their man finds them attractive one time too many. Unless you have extremely explicit and compelling evidence to the contrary, that thought should never enter your mind.

[blender]

well this has nothing to do with YOU, this is about HIM, and it's okay if he likes porn that's his thing, not yours. Please do NOT take this situation PERSONALLY, because it has little to do with you, or if you are attractive, this guy would be behaving this way NO MATTER WHO WHAT WOMAN he was with.. you just have to decide if you are willing to "stay" in this type of situation. You said you "confronted" him about more sex, that's a pretty harsh term, "confronted".

 

You both are so young and if you're already having these kind of "differences" in the bedroom or whatever, perhaps you might want to step back a bit and ask yourself why you are choosing to stay with him.

 

You say you love him, but do you love yourself when you are around him? Are you proud to be with this guy? Are you respecting yourself by staying with him? Do you respect and admire him? Does he respect and admire you?

 

If you answer "no" to even one fo the above questions, I think you have some soul searching to do and realize that perhaps you need to be on your own a bit, so you can build your own self esteem and be happy FIRST, before thinking you can 'change" someone else to "fit" what you want.. that NEVER works. So hear him loud and clear and either "accept him just as he is" or you need to move on.... he's telling you how he feels and you are refusing to be "okay" with it, and that's fine, but how much energy do you want to use walking up to a dry well for water?

[redandblack]

These kinds of situations really suck. You can't demand having sex more, because he will probably try to turn it around and make it seem like you're forcing him to have sex with you. The trick is to make him want it more. When it comes down to it, this IS a communication issue. Sex is a different form of communication and relational intimacy. You just kind of have to be on the same page.

 

I think you're going to have to tell him that he's really hurting your feelings and then wait for him to work on it himself. If you consistently make it an issue, he will feel extremely pressured. Beyond that, there's not too much you can do. Unfortunately, you may have to start thinking about what you see in him and why you're with him.

 

I hope things work out for you.

[caring person]

Many men have porn addictions... it is very bad and it can get worse, ask him to get help. Does he have a priest, minister, pastor? If he is not religious and not willing to pray for help, have him see a counselor, either through work or school, check with his insurance for a referral if needed. Porn is evil and can eat away at you. I know. Tell him you don't want his future kids to end up that way either.

Hopefully this will help, my dad got married around 19, maybe you can consider marriage rather than premarital sex?