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Sounds Hokey, but works!

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This is an NLP technique that can be used to help you heal!


Here are the steps:


1. Imagine a time in your life where you were happy or proud (nothing to do with the ex). Form a still picture in your mind (like a photograph, not a movie) that represents this time. Imagine as much detail as you can.


2. Shrink this picture down until its a tiny very bright dot, as bright as a star.


3. Put aside that picture of the dot for now.


4. Now visualize a picture of you and your ex.


5. Make this picture black and white and out of focus and really far away and small in your mind.


6. Bring the bright dot back into your mind and place in right into the picture of you and your ex.


7. Make the dot bigger and bigger and make it turn back into that picture of that happy you and make it just explode through that far away black and white picture of you and your ex. See the picture of you and your ex exploding into a million pieces all around you. Clap your hands together energetically as that picture explodes.


8. Focus on that happy picture of you, again in as much detail as you can.


9. Know that everything is going to be ok.

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To go along with that I always do this when I start to think of happy times:


List 4 times that you were angry or unhappy with your ex (could be a fight) Imagine yourself in that picture fully explore all your feelings - the colours the smells sounds etc & how you felt at the time. Fully experience it so it becomes really intense and overwhelming till you are physically effected by that. If you keep repeating the image then you're brain will start to associate her mental image with negative feelings as well as positive ones - supposedly you can 'fall' out of love this way not sure if it'll do the trick but worth a go.

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I've actually got a book about this. I don't really know much about the science of it all but I remember reading a passage about it, let me quickly type it up in case anyone is interested.



Think of somebody who annoys you, or whom you find it stressful to think about or spend time with - remember their face. Now as you look at their face in your imagination, ask yourself:


  • Is it colour or black and white?
  • Are you making it to the left, to the right, or right in front of you?
  • Is it big or small?
  • Light or dark?
  • Moving or still?

Now let's play with the way you are currently representing that person in your mind. Try out each of these changes in turn and notice what happens:


  1. If your representation of that person is moving, freeze-frame the picture so it is still.

  2. If the image has any colour in it, drain it all away until it looks like an old black-and-white photograph.

  3. Shrink the image until it's tiny.

  4. Move the location of the image so it's further away.

  5. Give the person a clown's nose, pink hair and Mickey Mouse ears.

  6. Imagine the sound of their voice. Then alter it by giving them a deep, sexy voice. Change it again until they sound like a squeaky little mouse.

By making these changes in your internal representation, you are reprogramming the way you feel. Think of the person again in that new way... no how do you feel about them? It's very likely they no longer trigger the stressful response. Not only do you almost certainly feel differently now, but next time you meet this person you'll feel differently, which means they'll respond differently to you, changing the dynamic of your relationship for the better.

Images that are bigger, brighter and bolder have greater emotional intensity than those that are duller, dimmer and further away.


Next, let's find out what an amazing difference it makes to be inside and outside of a memory. Here's another technique for running your brain, called "Dissociation":


  1. Think of a mildly stressful or uncomfortable memory.
  2. As you notice what image or images come to mind, step out of yourself so you can see the back of your head. Pull back from the image and mentally move as far away from the image as you can. Step all the way out of the picture so you can see yourself way over there, still in it. This process of disassociating reduces the intensity of the feelings the image was creating.

Now, let's do it the other way round and step into a positive picture. This is called "Association":


  1. Think of a time in your life when you felt great, and once again allow an image to come to mind.

  2. This time, step into that image so you're seeing through your own eyes, hearing through your ears and feeling great in your body.

  3. Make the image bigger, the sounds louder and the feelings stronger.

It's easy - to reduce the intensity, step out and move back; to increase the intensity, step in and make it bigger.


Recently I was at a dinner party and sat next to a lady who was telling me how she was having trouble sleeping after a car accident. When I asked her to remember what was making her feel so bad, she described the horror of the crash scene as if it was happening to her all over again. Clearly, she was remembering what happened from inside the picture (associated).


I simply asked her to step out of the memory (dissociate) until she could see the back of her head as she floated the picture far into the distance and made it black and white. Instantly, the tension in her face reduced as her muscles softened. I told her that if she ever thought about the incident in the future, she should only ever do it dissociated. Two weeks later she called me to say that she had been sleeping beautifully and was feeling much better in herself.

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