People's general opinion and expectations over ur own way of doing things?

[Baby Carrot]

I wonder if the view of things people have in general, is an indicator of what's right and what's the most beneficial way of procceding in life, or is just a product of conservative traditions and preconceived guidelines ur not "supposed" to dare.

 

For example, if you have a decent job with a decent paycheck, with possibilites of a raise, and one day you decide ur sick of it and ur gonna quit, the "general" reaction is gonna be "Are you crazy!? What are you doing, ur not supposed to dump this kind of job just like that!! Get over it and stick to it, don't be a baby! "

 

Also, there are the expectations. Nothing is explicit, but there are a bunch of non-written expectations ur "supposed" to accomplish, that also respond to a load of pre conceived guidelines. Example: "A young woman is supposed to be thinking in getting married and having kids, in order to contribute to the most important cell of society: family". If you decide having kids is definitely not for you, and ur so convinced of it, that you want to get an histerectomy done in your 20's -why you want to have a period for anyway?- well... everyone is gonna freak the hell out on you, and tell you ur insane, that they can see you regreting and that ur out of your mind if you think like that.

 

Pretty much like, "don't even think of extreme changes or choices, because is gonna end up badly... stay in the gray comfy zone, inside the boundaries of what the majority think is 'right' and you should be just fine and even very happy"

 

There are many examples of "extreme" attitudes you can be completely bashed about...

 

• Leaving everything and going to live to the wilderness, or as a bum in the streets.
  
• Having a huge age gap relationship (hetero are problematic, homo are just unthinkable -21 year old girl with 47 year old lady for example-)
  
• Spending all of your money in a non profit cause.
  
• Getting all your body tattooed/pierced
  
• Marrying someone your own sex and adopting kids.
  
• Deciding u don't want to be in a couple... that ur gonna be in a threesome or more...
  
• Getting several jobs and quitting in a few days because you just don't see urself doing that for the next 10 years.
  
• Do something that is a taboo, for living: being a pornstar, prostitute or a tabledancer.
  
• Body modifications -from tattoing ur face to getting one of ur limbs cut off-
  
• Committing suicide (after all... if your life is not yours, then what is it?)
  

 

And so on...

 

So I guess my question is... at what point you should just stop listening the public opinion and start doing what YOU have decided is best for you -even if the world is freaking out about it- ?

[tylercdurden2004]

When it logically makes sense.

[Baby Carrot]

TYLERCDURDEN:

And how you determine that?

For example, I decide to work as a pornstar, because is way better paid than my actual job. That makes sense, no? But I bet my tush if I enter to this boards and ask for people's opinion... they're gonna try to talk me into not doing it. Because, according to the so called public opinion, being a pornstar is basically wrong... That's the heart of the matter. Can you be more explicit?

 

INFJ:

That quote rocks! Is necesary to be somewhat ballsy to stick to it, though.

[Baby Carrot]

INFJ:

 

That's also my point... is like sometimes ur expected to put "people's" morals over your own morals. And ur like expected to submit all your actions to public approval in order to be in peace with yourself. When at the end of the day is completely PERSONAL!

 

Like, "OK guys, I'm planning to do this and this and go there, are you cool with it? Are you sure is not too wacky? I'm not exceeding or pushing any boundary right? OK, thanks now, shall I procceed? Noone's freaking out right? Mom? Dad? Boss? Neighbour? Guy next door? Complete stranger passing by? Do I have ur blessing?"

 

About the threads.. well one thing is consuming porn, and another is to be part of it. Saddly... is probable the same people that say are OK with porn, would strongly recommend you not to be a pornstar. Totally double morals.

 

I agree, life is for doing research and experimenting... but at the same time, is hard to do that when ur family and friends and people around are freaking out on you, and trying to keep you inside the boring predictable comfort zone.

 

Is suffocating to think to stay in that zone for the rest of your days just for not upseting people around you.

[Gecko]

Carrot, you've certainly hit something solid here IMO. Please read my post here if you haven't yet:

 

 

 

And no, I don't think these things should happen through pure logic. I think there's a larger factor in life that people have forgotten about.

[Baby Carrot]

GECKO:

 

Whadayamean "something solid"?

 

Maybe that's why noone answers? And keep like... ignoring my post?

[Gecko]

By 'something solid' I mean a piece of truth.

 

In response to your post, well, there's not much I can do but agree.

 

• Leaving everything and going to live to the wilderness, or as a bum in the streets.
  
• Having a huge age gap relationship (hetero are problematic, homo are just unthinkable -21 year old girl with 47 year old lady for example-)
  
• Spending all of your money in a non profit cause.
  
• Getting all your body tattooed/pierced
  
• Marrying someone your own sex and adopting kids.
  
• Deciding u don't want to be in a couple... that ur gonna be in a threesome or more...
  
• Getting several jobs and quitting in a few days because you just don't see urself doing that for the next 10 years.
  
• Do something that is a taboo, for living: being a pornstar, prostitute or a tabledancer.
  
• Body modifications -from tattoing ur face to getting one of ur limbs cut off-
  
• Committing suicide (after all... if your life is not yours, then what is it?)

All of those sound fine to me, as long as the people who do this understand the challenges that face them. The only one I might debate is suicide, because that not only cuts off logic, that cuts off everything that is YOU, body, mind, and spirit - and there's no going back. (as far as I know)

 

I think you should do what you want, as long as it involves love for yourself and other people, unconditionally.

[Baby Carrot]

What's going on?

 

Is my concern not valid enough or something?

 

Why do u guys read but don't answer?

[tylercdurden2004]

OK. You want to be different eh? Would I be correct in saying that?

[Baby Carrot]

OK. You want to be different eh? Would I be correct in saying that?

 

TYLER:

 

Different from what?

 

I wonder about this conflict between what you want to do VS what you are "supposed" to do, and I get like almost no feedback. Is too simplistic indeed to reduce it to "wanting to be different" as long as "things make logical sense".

 

Is just funny how I write a post about not having enough boobs and I get like 20 answers in less than 3 hours. But if I start questioning something that is a little bit more profound and meaningful than "boobs or no boobs" a very few people answer. The rest just read and turn the page.

 

I'm not looking for validation or approval, I was looking for different points of view towards this matter, but I guess I am in fact "alone" on this one.

 

I also realize this boards are not open to debate, are more like for asking for quick solutions and advice about a specific problem.

 

Oh well. I did try.

 

Maybe I posted this in the wrong section? No? Any thoughts on where I can actually discuss this topic?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Baby Carrot - I think this topic is very intresting but how does one discuss their opinion on a topic that challenges the very core of that opinion?

 

I see this as a very personal thing. My opinions, morales, values etc. are what they are because they're expected, they're societal, and based on my own experiences.

 

I agree that the "rules" are arbitrary and placed by a certain few. Why? Because that's what humans have found works best for civilization I suppose. At least that's my opinion anyway.

 

I don't think those hard rules aaren't flexible or tested, I think they are.

 

I think overall, people are governed by a little bit of themselves and a little bit of the society in which they live.

[SarahRose]

I think you should do what you want even if it goes against what society says. If ones thinks about their choice and thinks about the pros and cons and short term and long term consequences of what they do and they decide it is best for them, then go for it.

 

As for selling sexuality. It is definitely sold but some are more socially acceptable than others. Modeling, being a singer, an actress is selling sex but those are "socially" acceptable.

 

I have done some of those things on your list and I have no regrets. I still do things that are a little outside the norm like my age gap relationship and deciding to work 9 months of the year and live in another country for 3 months. I have made it work for me and to tell you the truth other women who are tied down with huge bills, husband, and kids have told me they admire me and are a bit envious of me and my cool fun life.

[Baby Carrot]

TA REE SAW:

 

Thanks for ur post.

 

This topic doesn't only "challenges" people's opinion... I'm interested in finding out how other people manage that two factors that don't always point to the same direction: "what you really want to do" VS "what u are 'supposed' and 'expected' to do".

 

Because I've been discovering how we are expected to pass 60% of our time just becoming an active part of this quick-fix instant-oatmeal society, following pre-established patterns that are supposed to makes us happy. But in many cases is just a matter of faith I guess...

 

You just keep on doing it because they told you that's the way it works, and that's the way it should work for you. You're not here to question or challenge rules and traditions, ur here merely to stick to them. Otherwise you're a freak and a misfit.

[AwdreeHpburn]

yeh......!! For cryin' out loud, do things outside the norm.

 

As I teach my children, IF you do tho - expect reactions from people. Good or bad, people WILL react to things that go outside their own personal comfort zones.

 

That's why there is gay bashing. Bigotry. Abortion clinic bombings. Religious wars. These are the reasons people get picked on and made fun of. It's the reason for debates, learning, cultural differences.

 

Good or bad, people respond to things they find different or uncomfortable.

 

You wanna be different.... be OK with everything.

[AwdreeHpburn]

TA REE SAW:

 

Thanks for ur post.

 

This topic doesn't only "challenges" people's opinion... I'm interested in finding out how other people manage that two factors that don't always point to the same direction: "what you really want to do" VS "what u are 'supposed' and 'expected' to do".

 

Because I've been discovering how we are expected to pass 60% of our time just becoming an active part of this quick-fix instant-oatmeal society, following pre-established patterns that are supposed to makes us happy. But in many cases is just a matter of faith I guess...

 

You just keep on doing it because they told you that's the way it works, and that's the way it should work for you. You're not here to question or challenge rules and traditions, ur here merely to stick to them. Otherwise you're a freak and a misfit.

 

 

I think a lot of that opinon is perception. I don't think a lot of it is actual truth but perceived truth, if that makes any sense.

 

I think we're brought up to understand those rules or expectations but they're NOT hard fast rules....at least that's what I'm personally learning....

[Baby Carrot]

SARAHROSE:

 

Yay! U go girl!

 

That's what I'm talking about.

 

Also about the hypocrite society, that set some things that are more "acceptable" than others, when in the core, is the same crap, but in a different disguise.

 

For example... many young people here spend their free time drinking and hanging out with friends in bars. They drink for 24 hours in a row, and end up completely crapfaced. And they're so proud and happy of admitting that's the way they spend the weekend. But, if someone told them he/she preffers to spend the weekend cutting his/her inner thigh with a knife to see how it bleeds, they would go nuts and send him/her to a nuthouse.

 

In the end, both "hobbies" are self destructive. But as drinking with your buddies is cool, and liver damage is not noticeable, people is just oh so fine with it. Society even encourage it.

 

Is refreshing to learn that there's people out there, like you, daring to walk outside the common standards and still making it work.

 

Good luck, keep on living a great life.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hmmmmmm.....

 

not cos it's necessarily relevant BC, but can I ask...how old are you?

[Baby Carrot]

TA REE...

 

We could go on a philosophical debate here...

 

Opinions, are indeed perceptions. Perceptions you put in words, written or spoken.

 

I don't think there's such a thing as "actual thruth" either. There's "your thruth", "my thruth"... your god, my god or my lack of it.

 

I find really hard to believe there is a "common" thruth or a thruth that applies to each one of us.

 

And once u basically understood the so called rules and expectations, and u discover they don't work for you, are u still compeled to stick to it, just because all the other kids are doing it already?

 

I do agree going against the tide is always gonna be 3 times more difficult than just going calmly with the flow, without questioning.

 

PS: Im a 23 year old BABY carrot.

[AwdreeHpburn]

And once u basically understood the so called rules and expectations, and u discover they don't work for you, are u still compeled to stick to it, just because all the other kids are doing it already?

 

 

Compelled? Interesting term. This is why I say the philisopical things about it all being perceived and based on one's own experiences.

 

This whole discussion is ONLY philisopical. That's my point. It's ALL perception based.

 

What compels one person is completely different that what compels someone else to do the very same thing. Or the same complusion is what drives two people to do very different things.

 

For example, constraint makes ME feel safe but it makes you want to bust out.

 

I too am compelled to question things as are you, but for very different reasons.

 

Is compulsion at the root of this discussion?

 

If your doing things simply because you feel you have to even after discovering they don't work for you, I don't think that's what following the rules of a society means. Being a sheep, so to speak, is about doing what's expected because you don't know any better and don't care to.

 

Didn't Einstein say something about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results being the definition of insanity??

 

If you're doing something simply for the sake of doing it and it's not working and you DON'T try something else.....you'll for sure be different than most of the populous.

[Baby Carrot]

Yeah, is all perception based since I'm stating my opinions. And wondering if other people out there share them and how they deal with it. That's the whole idea of this site, that we're "not" alone right?

 

I do think there are other kinds of sheeps. Defeated sheeps that even knowing things are not working for them, they end up doing it anyway because there's really not much of a choice. Because after trying to do things differently, they just end up surrendering to the constant bashing around, and to the harsh reality of the moment.

 

Noone is 100% in control of their life. Is horrifying to find out how most things escape from our personal control. Is not victimizing, is a reality. Like in Woody Allen's "Matchpoint". We like to hang around with a false feeling of certainty because it makes us feel better. Is called "optimism".

 

It is completely "personal", but I'm also discussing the fact that the supposedly "personal" points of view and decisions sometimes end up affected by external limitations, expectations and prejudices, so you compromise the little piece of freedom and independence u still have in order to accomplish someone else's expectations.

 

It is a real matter, how many people everywhere never even question what they're told to do. Is scary actually. Specially when it involves pregnancy, for example.

 

"Ur a woman. Women are designed to give birth"

"Oh, OK cool, there it is. What else?"

 

I know, in reality is not direct like that. Is a whole bagagge u grow up with. And so many people don't even analyse it. They just go for it.

[jimpster2005]

Whose life are you leading here? Yours or other peoples?

 

You create your own reality by doing the things you do. There is no such thing as normal behaviour - everyone's definition is different. Just because the majority choose a certain path with their lives does not mean that's the right path for you.

 

Always put yourself first (without being horrid to others of course!) and you can't go wrong. Well you can, but you know what I mean!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Of course people share your opinion. I'm not contesting you. I thought I was in a discussion with you. Do you feel attacked? Cos I don't get the response about "isn't that the point of this website" - yes, it is the point. And I thought I was using it correctly by indulging your request for a debate or discussion.

 

Sorry if I've offfended you in anyway.

 

In MY eyes, there's a difference between not analysing, over analysing and acceptance. I don't know where I am but I would venture to say Woody Allen occasionally falls into the catergory of over analysing for the sake of comedy AND to call attention to a point. Often times in the venue in which he works, points are intentionally exaggerated so they driven home, so to speak.

 

Woody Allen wants to make people think perhaps, but about the things HE finds fascinating or worth exploring. So?

 

Of course there are people who share his and Your opinion. But to what end? We're all still here. Questioning, not questioning, getting along, not getting along, bah - ing, whatever. We're all still here on this planet living how we do.

[Baby Carrot]

JIMPSTER:

 

Thanks for ur reply.

 

Is not that I'm leading everyone else's life. You do create ur reality -at a certain level, many things escape of ur control, is not like you are the almighty god of your own little world- but no man is an island.

 

And because of that, the reality ur creating for yourself, sometimes ends up deformed and/or mutilated by external forces (expectations, prejudices, etc). That's a huge part of my topic here.

 

As I said, is really pretty and sweet to think you create your own reality, 100%, but the thruth is, this only works at a certain extend.

 

Even if ur not being horrid to others, and ur decisions are only affecting you, people do tend to be horrid to you when it seems ur exceeding certain unspoken boundaries.

[tylercdurden2004]

Quite frankly you are not getting a lot of feedback because you are not very clear.

[Baby Carrot]

Quite frankly you are not getting a lot of feedback because you are not very clear.

 

Tyler, I think it was pretty clear, for all the posters.

 

Did u already ask the people that read but don't post, why they don't do it?