Even more confused than I previously was!!!

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

OK well I had previously posted in the past week or so about this one guy. Well now I am even more confused that I once was! I thought I had been giving him mixed signals..because he seemed like he had lost interest so I opened up the door by saying we should hang out sometime. I text him last Fri. night to see if he was going out and he said he wasn't. Then he showed up to the bar I was at after I told him I was going to be there. Upon his departure from the bar I tld him to call me this weekend, and he hesitated and basically said he was busy and couldn't. I was a little discouraged and I felt denied, but whatever. Then Sunday, I went to the bookstore to hang out, and he was there looking reaaaalllll busy with his friends. So yesterday he ims me and asks me to go to dinner with him! WHAT!? Everytime I show interest in him, he acts uninterested, and then he comes back around asking me to hang out. We haven't been out or hung out in about a month. What is he doing? Is this some kind of game he's playing? I said maybe to the dinner andtold him to call me next weekend because I was really busy up until then. I was kind of mad at him for rejecting me this weekend. I don't get him. Is this how dating is supposed to be?

[Jayar]

I'd lay off and let him call you and make plans with you. Don't call him, and don't be available all the time (you telling him you were busy this week was a good thing!) That's your best win-win situation... Either he'll:

 

A) Call you and you'll know he wants to talk to/see you, or...

B) NOT call you, and you'll know he DOESN'T want to talk to/see you. And then of course if that is the case you certainly don't want to lead yourself on by calling HIM right?

 

Good luck!

[Batya33]

I follow the general rule - with few exceptions- that the man should do most of the pursuing/planning in the early stages of dating (usually the first 5 or so dates over about a month time period - until it becomes obvious that "of course" we're going to see each other again). It's always worked well for me- minimizes any game playing, screens out those who are not really into me and/or not serious about a relationship, and is consistent with my personality and social life (since I like to have plans in advance much of the time, I do have a relatively active social life and someone who wants me to be ready to see him last minute or to pursue him for plans just isn't going to work for me long term).

 

But that's just me!

 

I should add that I do not know of any long term and happy relationships where the woman did most of the pursuing and planning in the beginning stages.

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I thought I had been giving off a vibe that I wasn't interested in him. I never called, if I saw him out I would just say hi and hang around my friends most of the night. So when he stopped pursuing, I was like "Well gee, maybe he thinks I'm not interested." I guess he was the one that wasn't interested!

[a2000]

Maybe you should be upfront and ask him. It'll save you all this confusion. However I am in a similar situation so I should really take my own advice.

My person persues me and I normally accept his invitations but when I ask him to hang out he rejects me or cancels! Then the next week he asks me to dinner. It is really confusing. I think he wants to be in control maybe? Also he is not looking for a relationship. But I can't play these games anymore.. its confusing and tiresome and I deserve better

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Ah, the old push-pull game. You give a little, he pulls back, you pull back and he pushes a little. I would have to say is keep your options open with others. If he was truly interested, he would make plans and ask you out on a PROPER date, IMO.

 

If things were meant to be, games are not necessary. Good luck.