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i'm feeling so down right now. my bf emigrated a year ago and i've always been unhappy about bits of my body but could hide and forget about them better in england. i know i'm not fat i'm 5ft 10 and 58kg so if i try and talk to anyone it's just weird. i imagine they think i'm looking for a compliment but that is definitely not the case. i've had sexual problems in a relationship which i think increased my obsessive study of my bad bits. i left england 2 months after my partner and so took the opportunity whilst alone to have surgery on my private parts to make them clean and look, what in my mind is normal. i didn't tell anyone and it was a really humiliating embaressing thing. i still have so many problems now and i wondered if anyone else felt like this; i run everyday and weight train but i feel like my thighs are just wobbly bits of fat on the insides of my legs. they suddenly just baloon to 1.5 inches fatter than the lower bit of the top of my legs. it's getting to the time of year to start going to the beach and i cant face putting a bikini on and walking to the sea especially when there are gorgeous girls on the beach. my arms are big at the tops. i have freckles on my arms, my bum is flat and just hangs there it's just disgusting.


i just want to feel good about myself again but i dont have any money of my own to go about getting surgery and my bf just thinks i'm a moaning idiot. i cant stand the idea of getting old and never having enjoyed or liked my body. i just dont feel like a girl, when i look in the mirror i just see a mess.


any ideas on how to get rid of these awful things.

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Hey emtay,


First of all, surgery should be used as a last resort,


There are definite ways to lose fast that have worked,


Lost 40lbs in the last 6 months by changing my diet and exercising alone,


The way I lost weight was by going on the treadmill or stairclimber for 30min/day at a 15% incline,


I then lifted light weights to tone my muscles,


And ate a diet filled with fruits/vegetables, lots of chicken (broiled), multi-grain bread turkey sandwhiches, cottage cheese...etc.


If you can, I recommend joining a gym since you will be motivated by your peers as you exercise,


And definitely avoid diet pills, ergogenic aids, ,etc, because it's better on your body to do it naturally,


An eating secret I was told and is published commonly now is eat 6 meals a day instead of 2-3, but make them small meals.


Ask Your Doctor About Sensible Goals

Your doctor or other health worker can help you set sensible goals based on a proper weight for your height, build and age.


Men and very active women may need up to 2,500 calories daily. Other women and inactive men need only about 2,000 calories daily. A safe plan is to eat 300 to 500 fewer calories a day to lose 1 to 2 pounds a week.


Exercise 30 Minutes

Do at least 30 minutes of exercise, like brisk walking, most days of the week.


The idea is to use up more calories than you eat. You need to use up the day's calories and some of the calories stored in your body fat.


Eat Less Fat and Sugar

This will help you cut calories. Fried foods and fatty desserts can quickly use up a day's calories. And these foods may not provide the other nutrients you need.


Make sure your other foods that day are low in fat and calories.


Eat a Wide Variety Of Foods

Variety in the diet helps you get all the vitamins and other nutrients you need.


Watch Out for Promises of Quick And Easy Weight Loss

Fad diets aren't good because they often call for too much or too little of one type of food. As a result, you may not get important nutrients you need daily.


Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't true.


Good luck!



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I will not give you information on how to lose weight, you are actually underweight by the BMI scale. You seem to hate the natural curves that all women should have, you want all your extremeties to be straight, that is not healthy.


I totally understand about wanting to not hate your body, I felt the same way (but I was obese). Before I could lose weight though I had to believe I was already normal and beautiful. Once I did, I was a much happier person regardless of what weight I was.


I know this sounds weird/cheesy, but what helped me was an exercise I learned off of an old Oprah show. At least once a day (better 2 times) stand in front of a mirror and say "I am beautiful" even if you don't think so, even if something in your head is yelling "no you aren't!" just do it. Start with a small mirror and a part of your body you don't "hate" then once you start to really think that part of your body is beautiful, go to a larger mirror to view more and keep doing it until you can stand in a full length mirror, fully clothed and comfortable say "I am beautiful", this progression will take some time,but I think you will be surprised by the effects. The next step is to do it in less and less clothing until you can stand in front of a full length mirror, butt naked and say to yourself "I am beautiful" and at least partially mean it!


Because the real truth is, right now, it wouldn't matter what you looked like you would think you are unattractive. This idea is only in YOUR head, and only you can change it. I mean, Im 5'3" and weigh 65kg and I honestly think I am pretty good looking, yeah I could lose to lose a bit of weight, but I still think I'm beautiful. In fact I miss some of the curves I now have when I lose weight!


Everyone, say it aloud, say it proud "I AM BEAUTIFUL!"

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I dont believe that solving your issue is going to be done in a gym or by modifying your diet, instead what I think you need is to speak to a psychologist about your body image issues and work through them. Perhaps someone who specializes in body image issues can help you be comfortable in your own skin.

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It's interesting that you wrote "my boyfriend emigrated a year ago" RIGHT before you started talking about your body image.


Maybe I've read too much Susie Orbach, but your boyfriend emigrating must have been very painful for you - any chance you displace some of that pain into thinking irrationally about your body?


It's also somewhat worrying that your boyfriend simply says you are a "moaning idiot". If he was truly motivated by concern/love for you, he would not say such things, surely? Does he still tell you things like that when you try and explain just how much your body image problems upset you?


I don't think this is about your body at all - I think it's ENTIRELY to do with self esteem, your worries about sexual relationships/your current relationship, and that you really deserve to see a specialist, eg. a psychologist.

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