To be or not to be??????? friends that is.

[kimmie11479]

Ok, this might not make sense but I have this friend that I use to consider a good friend. Two years ago her boyfriend of 7 years broke up with her, I was the first person that she called. I came to the rescue. I had her move in that night and took care of her bleeding heart for two months. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and my friend (the one that a took care of) is dating his twin. We all lived together and I moved out. That weekend she did not contact me at all to see if I was ok. She ended up take my X out of town to enjoy himself and not feel so terrible about our relationship ending. She has finally called me and I don't know what to do? You see I could have used her more that weekend then my X I believe that I'm the one that is truly heart broken. So my question is do I stay friends with her knowing that she is in a complicated position (dating my X's twin) or do I end the friendship because I feel betrayed?

[Tigris]

I think you should talk to her and tell her you needed her and she wasn't there for you and see how the relationship goes from there.

 

Good luck.

[Fallout]

yes it was pretty bad what she did..first dating his twin are you comfortable with that? and not being there for you was lame imo

[kimmie11479]

Her dating the twin isn’t a bad thing I introduced them. I just wouldn’t think she would try and take care of his bother instead of trying to help me or even see if I’m ok.

[kimmie11479]

Is this what friends do to eachother? Then I've been doing the wrong things for 27 years if this is the case.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Did you dump him?

[kimmie11479]

Yes but for the effect not for good. But it seems that is the way it’s going to say per him

[kimmie11479]

sorry (stay per him)

[CarnelianButterfly]

Yes but for the effect not for good. But it seems that is the way it's going to say per him

You dumped someone just for an effect and you expect to be treated like you're the victim? That's not how it works. If your friend knew you were dumping him for that reason then I totally agree with her in supporting him. You are treating her boyfriend's brother very poorly and as she is still with the brother his feelings are most likely important to her. When you dumped him, did you tell "this is just temporary"? In all honesty who really wants to be jerked around like that? Its not a game, he has feelings too, and dumping him for an effect is not respecting him.

[kimmie11479]

Hold on you don't know anything about this relationship please do not judge me. I had to argue with him to spend one day a week with just me (his girlfriend) and instead of that I got the answer “but I live with you” how would you feel if you had to argue with someone every week just to get him to understand that all you want to do was to spend time with just HIM because you love him and you want the relationship to flourish. How can a relationship grow without quality time with the significant other? I had finally had it I did not want to argue anymore nor did I want to feel unloved by the man that I love so much I would and have done anything for him. I broke up with him, for him to take a good look at what he had and to see now what his has lost and maybe he would understand and want to change or at least try to spend time with me. So please do not judge me until you know that whole story. And this isn’t even the whole story.

[kimmie11479]

That's what I ment be the effect.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I had to argue with him to spend one day a week with just me (his girlfriend) and instead of that I got the answer "but I live with you" how would you feel if you had to argue with someone every week just to get him to understand that all you want to do was to spend time with just HIM because you love him and you want the relationship to flourish.

 

Were you yelling or did you try to really express yourself calmly and tell him that you want to be with him. Did you tell him why you left or did you just tell him you had enough and left?

[Fallout]

I don't think it matters who screwed up their relationship, what matters was that kimmie's friend wasn't there when she needed her, furthermore she was there for the other party involved...basically picked him over her, that's a crappy friend...

 

The only excuse I could possibly see from what you wrote kimmie is that she didn't know you were hurting..did you tell her you needed some1 to talk to or something ? Maybe she thought you dumped him and weren't too affected by it but if she knew you needed her and went with that guy you should get rid of her

[kimmie11479]

I have not spoken to her yet, so I'm not sure what she was thinking. She knew that I loved him very much and constantly being disappointed and hurt when he didn’t seem to care if we had spent anytime together in a period of two weeks. I would talk to her about it all the time. By the way thank you fallout right now I don't think i have the energy to talk about my relationship or be ridiculed. I just need some advice about my friend.

[Tigris]

I still think your friend should've been at your side and not his. You were there for her when she needed you so she should've done the same.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm not ridiculing you, I'm just saying see things from her point of view. Maybe she didn't agree with how you treated him.

[Fallout]

The point was..even if that was the case which I doubt it (we have to assume the posters on this forum are in the right and they are the ones who were treated wrong) you stick by your friends even when they make mistakes right? she should have been there for her comforting and maybe tell her if she thought she was wrong but not avoid her and put him first...my guess is she chose him over you kimmie because of her bf...I mean twins are almost always very close and she's with his twin - but still not an excuse

[Fallout]

sorry to see you so upset kimmie...I didn't get from your last post wether it was directed at me or the butterfly, just so you know in case you misunderstood me I was taking your side all the way here, my point was not that you treated him badly but that it doesn't matter in relation to your topic, and your friend should have been there for you..so that subject shouldn't even have been brought up in this thread - that was my point

 

About the whole relationship thing I have no doubt you are right anyway, don't know why some people here just go in sending sentences about situations where there isn't even enough information in the thread to make a conclusion.

 

Many people come and post their problems here when they're hurt and have noone they trust enough to talk to, so berating/belittlening their concerns does nothing to eleviate some of their pain...when you're very upset you don't need someone to tell you "it's your fault" by any means.

 

Kimmie yell if you need to talk and I'll pm you.

[kimmie11479]

Well we never met, she basically called me and told me she was waiting on something important and she would call me back. She hasn't yet and I don't think she will but I will keep you informed.

[kimmie11479]

nope never called. should i wait for her to call or should i call her?

[Fallout]

Definitely wait for her to call...she knows you want to talk and she knows it's important, if you keep calling her it might make her think she has some power over you and also it will show wether she cares or not...tho sorry to say I'm 99.99% convinced she doesn't judging from her behavior.

 

If she doesn't call in a few days I think you should break it off with her, possibly sending her an e-mail telling her what a bad friend she is and to never contact you again...

[kimmie11479]

Good thought I'll let you know what happens

[annie24]

ok, I don't quite understand.... how did you break up with your bf? did you feel neglected by him, so you decided to end the relationship? i can understand why you would want to break up with him, if you were not happy with him. does your best friend understand why you broke up with him? is the breakup meant to be permanent....

 

it sounds to me that there isn't clear communication on anyone's end... no one knows the full story of what is going on.... maybe your ex was a wreck which is why your friend decided to take care of him that weekend. just because she spent 1 weekend with him doesn't mean she doesn't care about you....