The Secret

[shellshocked]

Over weekend, I was doing a search on the word “attraction” and what I came up with was something most unexpected. While I DID find many sites that promised to teach me how to use different “canned routines, gimmicks and hypnosis” to attract and seduce women, I also found something that totally changed me and my perception of life as I knew it and lived it.

 

And what I found....is called: “The Secret”.

 

I stumbled upon a random blog that said this,

 

 

 

And I was intrigued. So I went to the website, paid my 5 bucks, made some popcorn and watched the 90-minute film.

 

The film is a m a z i n g.............

 

The Secret is about the intention-manifestation model and how to use the Law of Attraction to create whatever you want. As the movie aptly points out, most people focus their thoughts either on what they don’t want or on reinforcing what they’re already getting. How many of us sit here at enotalone talking about the things we DON’T WANT? “we don’t want to be broken up, my bf/gf doesn’t call me, they don’t want me anymore, etc”.

 

But the way to succeed with intention-manifestation is to keep your thoughts focused on what you desire, even if it seems to have no presense in your life yet.

(I’ll let you know how this change in my thought process affected MY situation in a minute).

 

For now, remember this quote, “Whatever we give the most thought to will expand.”

 

People get stuck in a pattern of thinking about what they don’t want.

And when talking about their desires, it sounds like this:

 

I don’t understand…

 

I’m frustrated that…

 

I hate my…

 

I can’t figure out …

 

I’m stressed about…

 

I’m worried that…

 

I should be able to… but I can’t…

 

Why am I having so much trouble?

 

With this list of intentions is it any wonder that keep bringing such negativity back to us.

 

The Law of Attraction brings to you what you think about. Every thought is an intention.The Law of Attraction is totally neutral — it doesn’t filter what you ask for. If you think about what you want, you get it. If you think about what you don’t want, you get that too.

So what you should do is easy. STOP thinking about what you don’t want and START thinking about the things that you DO want.

 

How do you know if you’re doing this?

 

 

Here’s what’s happened to me in the past 5 days.

 

I’ve been feeling like total sh*t for the past week. I haven’t been getting what I wanted from my LDR. I wasn’t getting the time...the attention...the intimacy...i felt like "I" was making all the moves...taking all the initiative to keep things going.

 

And all I did was dwell on that.

“I’m not getting this I’m not getting that....she’s not doing this...she’s not doing that...”

and on...and on...and on....How depressing.

 

So I watched the movie and thought, “What have I got to lose?”

So I reversed my natural way of thinking.

I started small... I knew she that she was going out to a party that night. And instead

of being sad and wondering about all the people she was meeting and would she meet someone else and forget about me...and poor me...blah blah blah

(everything i DIDN’T want).

I started to really think about what i DID want.

 

I thought that I hope she has fun....but that she also misses me while she’s there.

I imagined the scenerio in my mind of what I wanted...start to finish.

I imagined her coming home from the party...and DYING to talk to me...

imagining how she can’t wait to talk to me...watched the image in my mind of her picking up the phone and calling me....how she COULDN’T WAIT to talk to me.

 

And i felt good...and happy inside...

And I totally went on and about my day...

stopping to think of this every-so-often.

 

And wouldn’t you know it...i was shocked (and also not-so-shocked, because i believed this would happen) when i got a text message that night from her saying she was home from the party and had been thinking about me and wondered if “I” was available to talk!!!!!!

 

OHMYGOD!!!!

So we talked....and had the BEST time!

 

I think it's kinda like this.

Have you ever had the thought of an old friend pop into your head out of the blue? And then the next thing you know you either run into them or get a call or email from them? I think THIS is along that same line....!

 

THIS just happened to me 30 minutes ago as a matter of fact!! I was sitting in a meeting and a friend of mine that I haven’t spoken to in about 3 weeks popped into my head. I thought to myself, “as soon as I get back to my desk i’m going to send her an email asking her if she’s still alive...”

Well, the meetings over...I go to my desk...see that I have a phone msg...listen to it...

and it’s HER...and she says, “i haven’t talked to you in awhile...just want to let you know that i’m still alive...” I SWEAR THIS JUST HAPPENED!!!! I almost fell off my chair!!

 

So this is what I’ve been doing every day now...and with incredible results.

Every day...the first thing i do when i wake is I think of all the things that I’m grateful for. No matter how big or small....this gets my mind in the right mindset and I start to feel happy deep inside....and this makes me feel open to not only imagining, but also f e e l i n g what i want.

 

And then I start to think and feel (and imagine) the things that i WANT. (Not the things that I don’t want). In the case of my relationship, I think about my girl being TOTALLY in love with me....and how she’s can’t wait to talk to me...and interact with me...and how good it’s going to feel for both of us...

and I watch her picking up the phone...and calling me...and seeing us both laughing and having a good time.

 

AND I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS WORKING!!!

Everything that i’ve hated between us in the past month has done a complete turn around.

 

Our interactions have been totally going to the places where I want it to go...she’s been calling me 100 times more than she was.... she’s talking to me again....i mean REALLY talking...not just superficial things....deep, intimate conversations....sharing things with me....

(we hadn’t done this for a long time).

She’s been sending me flirty/sexy text mgs.

(another thing that hadn’t happened in awhile).

 

And the only thing that I can attribute it to is the change in MY thinking.

 

“Whatever we give the most thought to will expand.”

[NJRon]

Those are some excellent points. Manifesting positivity is important. As you move forward and your positivity increases, try focusing it towards the greatest good... and not specific intents. You will start seeing how that, also, affects your perception in a positive manner.

 

Very cool post.

[shelly7]

I'm intrigued and highly impressed. Thanks for the enlightenment!

[river dog]

I'll be certain to check it out. I've been thinking similar things the past few days. Afte 4.5 weeks of NC, I want to get back together for my own good reasons, not unhealthy, needy ones. I love her for who she is, no aspirations (well, there always be some), no expectation. That's all.

 

So, I am gradually fighting back against the (perceived) power she had over me i.e. "the fear of losing" and entering the "she is really hung up me" phase. Daft as it sounds.

 

The challenge for me will be to brush off the possible rejection and be nicely persistent. Nothing worth having was ever easy for me, and I do not intend giving up on this one quite yet.

 

Let us know and I will do the same.

[Gator]

Great post!!! I love it, check out Wayne Dyer for more like this.

[Viper62382]

Very good insight. Hey SS, did you ever do any NC with her? Or did you maintain contact throughout the ordeal?

[joyce1412]

hmmm...if i'm understanding this correctly, i'm not sure i support it. if you're suggesting that people start to focus on getting back together with their exes in order to make it happen, i think this will set people up for disappointment.

 

people should try to focus on what they want in their lives, that much is true, but i believe those of us who are going through breakups, even if we want our exes back, should focus on accepting that it's over and being happy despite it.

[vesper]

Good POST!~!! Thanks for sharing shellshocked!!

[shellshocked]

Hey Everyone!

Thanks for your replies!

 

Viper -

I've definitely been keeping up on your posts and have seen you going through these ups and downs.

 

I have to tell you that I never did NC with her. But, I think that what you're doing with the NC is the right way to go in your situation.

 

I've been trying to compare what was happening in both our relationships and looking for differences and similarities. I think the difference (and correct me if I've misunderstood) is that your gf said she wanted to breakup and that she wanted to keep you as a friend. (again, pls let me know if this is not the case, cause I may be confusing posts...).

 

I never went completely NC, because mine never said she wanted to breakup...or just be friends. Mine told me that she wanted things to be "less intense" between us. I had a hard time excepting that. So, "I" said numerous times that I wanted to end it and everytime I said it, she told me that that was NOT what she wanted. And I would tell her that I was NOT going to just be her friend, that I didn't want that. And everytime, she would say that she never said that and didn't want that either. So I finally let it sink in what she DID tell me...and that was that she wanted our relationship to be "less intense". So I gave her what she asked for. (note: i gave her what she asked for, not what she wanted). So, I pulled back and was less intense. And things went like a rollercoaster. Up down Up down Up down etc.

 

So last weekend something really weird happened. And I swear it was after I watched that movie and started to read about the "Law of Attraction". I didn't change what I doing. I was still being "less intense" per her request. But, I started (in my mind) imagining what I wanted and how I wanted things to be.

And things started changing with her.

 

Now I didn't change one thing that I was doing. I changed everything about the way I was thinking and feeling.

I just started feeling more positive towards things in general.

(and THIS is what I really want to achieve NJRon).

 

So what IS really happening here?

 

And I'm not saying you should focus on getting your ex back.

I'm saying i m a g i n e what it is you want. Really feel it.

Imagine it positively...and watch yourself achieve it...all

the way to the end..

 

Because remember, "Whatever we give the most thought to will expand."

You'll attract to your life whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to, whether wanted...or unwanted.

 

And what I'm telling you is what I've experience in the past 5 days.

Not saying how/what/where/or why this is happening, cause I have NO freakin' clue.

I just know that it is......

And the ONLY thing I did differently was to change the way I was thinking about it...

 

What do you have to lose?

[pommeapplepie]

What's funny is that is exactly what happened when I got back together with my ex boyfriend.. but when I turned negative about and convinced myself that he was using me and it wasn't going to work was when it fell apart again.

 

I don't know, there might just be something to this. It probably has a little to do with confidence too, eh?

[joyce1412]

And what I'm telling you is what I've experience in the past 5 days.

Not saying how/what/where/or why this is happening, cause I have NO freakin' clue.

I just know that it is......

And the ONLY thing I did differently was to change the way I was thinking about it...

 

What do you have to lose?

 

i think many people have a LOT to lose. people who have worked hard to come to accept the things they cannot change have a lot to lose because it renews hope in them, hope that may not ever be fulfilled.

 

i think there's truth to this theory in areas that you can control. for example, if you really wanted a raise at work, it would be good to visualize yourself getting the raise and devote yourself to doing things that could make that happen, like putting in more time at work and being more enthusiastic about the job. if you're set on getting something that is very much in your hands to begin with, i think your ideas could be helpful.

 

however, for many people here, including myself, reconciliation with their partners is not up to them, it is up to the people who broke up with them. that's great that everything has been working out for you, but i think there's a lot to be said for someone who has accepted his new life as a single person, and accepted that it is the end of the road for himself and his ex. it's a healthier state of mind because it accepts reality and rejects fantasy. it embraces the truth, the here and now.

 

let's be honest, reconciliation happens all sorts of ways. i know more than a few friends who didn't hear from their exes until they had finally gotten over them, finally accepted the situation and were even dating other people. it really could happen at any time, in any way, because the fact is that your ex missing you or not missing you is not a factor of how YOU feel about the situation, but how he or she feels.

[enolaton]

In that case joyce, I think those wishing for reconciliation with their ex and want to reinforce shellshocked's idea, should think...

"I am the catch! I am a great person. My ex is really missing out (etc., etc., etc.)"

 

 

Maybe that should be their positive way of thinking...

[laboheme]

My ex told me after the breakup that optimism and confidence are the two key things to getting back together. Maybe he also watched the video? I figure that if you learn to think positively in your situation with your significant other/ex/whatever else...even if it doesn't work out, the positive attitude will stick and eventually something good will come of it. (And to think that I used to be a hardcore pessimist...)

[joyce1412]

In that case joyce, I think those wishing for reconciliation with their ex and want to reinforce shellshocked's idea, should think...

 

"I am the catch! I am a great person. My ex is really missing out (etc., etc., etc.)"

 

Maybe that should be their positive way of thinking...

 

i absolutely agree in that sense. that's the kind of thinking that's positive no matter what the outcome. self-confidence is essential to happiness.

 

My ex told me after the breakup that optimism and confidence are the two key things to getting back together. Maybe he also watched the video? I figure that if you learn to think positively in your situation with your significant other/ex/whatever else...even if it doesn't work out, the positive attitude will stick and eventually something good will come of it. (And to think that I used to be a hardcore pessimist...)

 

again, optimism and confidence are two great things to have. i still disagree that the dumpee needs to be optimistic to give the reconciliation a better chance. one should lend his focus to positivity, to being confident, simply because it's the route to happiness. but focusing one's optimism and energy on reconciliation will still not better his chances.

[heyduh]

i've been reading about laws of attraction for almost a year now and have not really tried to use it in my relationship situation even though the little i've used in other areas have had some positive results

 

when we are trying to "attract" another person, keep in mind that they are also subconsciously "attracting" what they want, or more likely as the movie points out .. what they don't want!

 

so ... i would not recommend using laws of attraction to "get back the ex"

 

rather use it to focus on what you want in an ideal relationship ... of course your visualizations may have your ex in it (the parts of the ex that you WANT in a partner)

 

who knows, if you visualize, think and feel strongly enough and the ex has scattered thoughts and feelings, it just may work! but like i said, i would focus on "ideal partner" not "return of the ex"

[shellshocked]

it's a healthier state of mind because it accepts reality and rejects fantasy. it embraces the truth, the here and now.

 

But what if there is no spoon....?

 

It happened again....twice.

 

1) I’m lying in bed this morning. Woke up about an hour before my alarm was to go off and couldn’t fall back to sleep. So I start to picture in my mind my gf picking up the phone and calling me...i start to think, “it’s 4:30 in the f*cking morning...she’s never going to call now...” and i have to force that thought out of my head. (what i DON'T want...and focus on what i DO want) So, I start thinking about how much she wants to call me....she knows it’s early, but she’s DYING to call me....then i sorta fall back to sleep. kinda in that half asleep/half awake place...

until i’m TOTALLY woken up by a text message saying: “hey baby. I have some things i want to do, but can’t get motivated...wondering if you’re awake...and want to talk.”

 

WHAT?!?!?!?!

 

We talked....even talking about the next time we plan on seeing each other.

(it's an LDR).

 

I’m driving to work and get another text from her saying:

“i feel good about us...”

 

2) Today, I’m sitting at my desk and I found my mind wandering to a certain umm...errr...body part of my gf that I’m particularly fond of. So I’m trying to work and my mind keeps going back to the gutter. I start thinking that I’m going to send her a text message saying something like, “gawd, i love your @@@”. (i know...i'm a freak...lol)

 

But then some damn work thing interrupts me and I forget about this and start doing something else.

 

An hour goes by and....i get a text message from her.

It says: “why didn’t you ever tell me i have such a big @@@????? All you ever said was that it’s “fine”. I just rolled over and looked in the mirror and it’s HUGE....

 

(hee hee...she’s soooooooo freakin’ CUTE!!! )

 

****disclaimer**** my gf does not, i repeat...does NOT have a big @@@!! This woman is f*cking gorgeous....when we walk down the street men, women AND children are breaking their necks to look at her......

(yeah, i’m bragging...)

[NJRon]

You are noticing synchronicities.

 

You think something and it happens and you notice it. When it doesn't happen, you don't notice it.

 

You will get yourself in trouble with this when, no matter how positively you think of a situation, it does not go the way you want it. For example, you and a friend of yours have a falling out. No matter the happy, positive thinking, it has no effect on the outcome.

 

Instead, the intent of positive thinking is to attract positive energy. The way to turn the situation around and think positively is to figure out what you have gained from the "bad" thing that happened. Could be a lesson, a growth area, perhaps it saved you trouble down the line... etc.

 

You should think with no intent as to outcome beyond that of the greatest good for all concerned.

 

That said, the overall positivity is affecting your relationship in a similarly posistive manner. People are attracted to positivity... it proliferates.

 

Just don't fall into the trap of trying to will specific outcomes. As they say, be careful what you wish for.

 

(Note that all of this is speaking to the direction of positive energy... which differs from just visualization... something that you would obviously use toward specific goals/outcomes)

[river dog]

So, I am gradually fighting back against the (perceived) power she had over me i.e. "the fear of losing" and entering the "she is really hung up me" phase. Daft as it sounds.

 

Posted by me yesterday. Last night all my fear and doubts lifted at about 2:30am. I sat up in bed. They just went!

 

This morning I go to my office feeling really positive and not at all afraid. With this thought in my head - this is what I want: "to show her I am not needy, I am the prize and she is really missing out"

 

Today is about 5 weeks of NC. Later, I am sitting on a wall outside having a coffee when she comes driving around the corner (oh, oh, she passed me last week in another unplanned meeting). This time I was not afraid but I played with my phone to deflect any awkwardness for us as she has to pass.

 

But she beeps, I ignore her. I stayed cool. She beeps again. She stops the car, gets out and she's in my arms before I know what's happened.

 

Big smile, no mixed signals, lots of eye contact, flustering, touching my arms and legs. That's her, not me. I pulled back a little - it was too much.

 

She wondered why we haven't been talking and what happened to us. I didn't get into it, I kept it light. I gave nothing away but I was happy to see her and smiled naturally.

 

Her car is actually blocking the street.

 

"I have to get back to work, I'll call you" I said.

 

Boy, did she miss me during NC and she just gave me the ball

[yoley]

So..I saw the movie.

 

VERY interesting..I will put it into practice...but not necessarily to get someone back..but to attract the type of woman I want (amongst my others life desires)

 

Current situation : GF is wanting space...wants to be friends etc etc.and from what i can tell..is with someone else.

 

So..instead of concentrating on NOT having her...focus on what I want. So ..I want a GF who wants to be with me, knows what she wants, enjoys my presense, is honest, faithful etc etc

 

So, if this is what I want..why am I still focsuing on her?? It's wasted energy. Focus on the positive..what do I want??..and it WILL come. "Man becomes what he thinks about" , "We create our own reality" etc etc. Perhaps not with her..but with someone else.

 

Focus on what I don't have...and I'll continue to not get it!

 

The interesting thing is, throughout the relationship..my thoughts were "I don't want to get hurt"...and guess what?? I got hurt.

 

I should have been thinking what I wanted : "I want a loving, close relationship with a great woman!".

 

I now have a "dream board" in the kitchen..things I want in my future. Also, I'm very thankful for what I have. No more negativity! (This has been a life-long issue and has gotten me where I am today).

 

Thanks for the reference to the flic.

 

-Yoley

[Viper62382]

I am purchasing it now.

[ScreenagerX]

This might be just coincidence but I tried picturing a girl I am interested in texting me (she lives 6 hours away), lo & behold 10 minutes later she did. I'm not convinced this wasn't just some random event but I'll try another couple & see what happens

[yoley]

There are NO coincidences!!! This I firmly believe...it's happened to me too many times! They are signs.

[joyce1412]

a few months ago i got a really big sign that made me think my ex was going to come around. he didn't.

 

i think that was a sign to stop looking for signs.

[yoley]

Joyce,

 

I see your point..but..I think it's all in the interpretation.

 

I could have read a series of events last week as an indicator that my Ex would be back in my life...OR...I could have seen it as a reminder of my Ex..and make me realize how far Ive come without her.

 

I chose the latter. These coincidences do mean something ...it's up to us to interpret them correctly.

 

-Y

[river dog]

The interesting thing is, throughout the relationship..my thoughts were "I don't want to get hurt"...and guess what?? I got hurt.

 

Bingo! Same here, but never again.