Over-reacting to clothing?

[Azual]

Yeah... I'm back... Hate to say it but I'm back with a problem. Finally got over the trust issue just to run into her clothing issue.

 

I find out today that almost all her clothing (above the waist) is scantily clad and very low cut. How am I to feel about that?

I asked her to cover up a bit more and she said this is a test to see if I trust her, but didn't I just get over that!?

And if you're dating and it's known to everyone, shouldn't your breasts and anything else mainly be reserved for your significant others viewing/touching/anything else you like?

 

And she knows she has my trust because I'm letting her go to her dad's unhindered for the most part, all I'm asking her is to be wary and let her dad know that she doesn't trust her step brother... Maybe tell him what happened and what led up to it... And have some Pepperspray...

 

She sees this as a "How much do you trust me"... And she says it's her choice... Sure it is, but what am I supposed to think when she's willing to show her breasts to the world when she's taken. Ya know?

Shouldn't a taken woman show more pride in covering up?

 

Her excuse of "Oh when it's hot out I like low cut shirts because Tshirts get to hot".. Isn't holding up to well... And... If I gently pulled on it, it might show her boobs more than halfway (it = one of her typical shirts).

 

And I trust her, but isn't it my turn to wonder now? She knows I'm not gonna do anything to hurt her and I trust her not to hurt me, but why wear that kind of stuff when you're taken? I'm wondering if maybe she's trying to find a back up to fall on because she's losing interest...?

 

A friend gave me the idea of bringing a Tshirt to school, and everytime she wears something really low cut, give her the shirt and see if I can really trust her. I mean, the occasional thing is cool but when that's all you're wearing and you're taken and your only excuse is, "Because it's hot and a Tshirt gets too hot."

 

I'm wondering if maybe she doesn't start respecting my wishes (And yes, I'm willing to change in any way, shape, or form for her if she asked it, but I can't let this drop) and listening to me, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for time away from her because I need time to cool down and let myself get my thoughts together.

 

Ya know, let's say time goes by, and we're together and married or exclusively dating, and all she wears is those really low cut shirts still and goes clubbing a lot... What am I gonna do?

[xprincessbugx]

Trust her. She's a human being she can wear what she wants. Your not her father it's not your job to worry about what shes wearing. You might make a comment and tell her you don't like the low cut shirts but if she chooses to wear them then thats her deal.

[Azual]

Well that's the thing. I did tell her it concerned me and she said it isn't my place to be concerned with what she wears... I mean... what kind of answer is that...

[CarnelianButterfly]

She has every right to chose what she wears. You are her boyfriend not her owner, or her dictator, or her parent. T-shirts do get hot and most women sweat a lot around their breasts and lower cut shirts allow more air movement. What changes has she asked of you, has she asked you to make yourself physically uncomfortable all day long because its more respectable?

[melrich]

You do not own her, nor do you have any right to expect that she change to suit your tastes and insecurities.

 

I'm wondering if maybe she doesn't start respecting my wishes and listening to me, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for time away from her because I need time to cool down and let myself get my thoughts together.

 

This sort of thing is really worrying. Again she is not your chattel, she is her own person with her own values/tastes/personality/likes and dislikes. If they don't match up with yours then end the relationship. Don't demand she listen to you and respect your wishes. She may not want to.

[Azual]

The thing is she doesn't listen to me on anything. Everything I say is wrong, and everything I seem to do makes her mad...

 

I love her and don't want to be controlling but she kept complaining about trust and then turns around and is wearing this low cut shirt that basically shows half her breast already and I'm just concerned...

[xprincessbugx]

She's a big girl she can wear what she wants. It's okay. Just because she chooses to wear a shirt that you don't agree with doesn't mean shes doing it to show her boobs off to the entire world. Those are the shirts she likes to wear whether you like it or not.

[CarnelianButterfly]

The thing is she doesn't listen to me on anything. Everything I say is wrong, and everything I seem to do makes her mad...

 

I love her and don't want to be controlling but she kept complaining about trust and then turns around and is wearing this low cut shirt that basically shows half her breast already and I'm just concerned...

You are be controlling, if you bring up things like this all the time, I would get mad. How are you concerned? What is it that makes you so worried, another guy might look at her? She doesn't have to listen to you, if you don't like, then why are you still dating her?

[Azual]

Just everyday? All I'm asking is a few days of covering herself up... I want to know I can trust her with this and if she'd cover up at least a little bit more I'd be fine.

 

I mean (And I hate to say this) I know girls who sleep around who wear more than she does... and as a guy who is still in High School I make that instant assumption and I don't want to think that ya know?

 

All I want her to do is wear a Tshirt maybe once a week. That's all. I'd be happier then. Because I asked her if she would like it if I ran around in only a manthong (Funny and completely unrelated but it's the best a man can do since we have no upper body) and she admitted she would laugh but she would be upset.

[melrich]

The thing is she doesn't listen to me on anything. Everything I say is wrong, and everything I seem to do makes her mad.

 

I can understand that Azual because you come accross in your posts as very controlling, very insecure and not terribly much fun.

 

She is a young woman. This is the free time in your life. She wants to take risks and have fun, like most young people. And you are just constantly bringing her down.

 

You really need to take some major chill pills.

[Azual]

You are be controlling, if you bring up things like this all the time, I would get mad. How are you concerned? What is it that makes you so worried, another guy might look at her? She doesn't have to listen to you, if you don't like, then why are you still dating her?

 

It's that she wore this when she was single and didn't like the attention, so why would she like it now?

[xprincessbugx]

Maybe she's telling the truth and you should trust her. Maybe it's not for attention and t-shirts do get really hot and it's nice to have something airy and more comfortable. I think you're reading into what shes wearing too much. You're paranoid because you think she has some other motive behind it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It's that she wore this when she was single and didn't like the attention, so why would she like it now?

Maybe because she was hot, I wear clothing that I don't like the looks I get, but I'm not frying because I'm completely covered. Her wordrobe doesn't need to change just because her relationship satus has.

[melrich]

Maybe it is because she wants to look good. She likes looking sexy. It makes her feel good. What does it matter why she wears what she wears. It's what she wants to wear.

[Azual]

She has every right to chose what she wears. You are her boyfriend not her owner, or her dictator, or her parent. T-shirts do get hot and most women sweat a lot around their breasts and lower cut shirts allow more air movement. What changes has she asked of you, has she asked you to make yourself physically uncomfortable all day long because its more respectable?

 

She knows I would change anything she didn't like except this. I want to compromise with her but she won't budge on anything...

I'd make myself uncomfortable if she wanted to test me like that. I can deal with discomfort...

I basically wear Pants, a shirt, an overshirt, a hat, socks, shoes, the whole deal and sometimes a jacket even when it's warm. There's not much more you can change. I just don't understand.

 

I've read a lot of all of your stuff (the three of you who quickly resposted and I'm sorry I can't remember the names) and know you're all prolly right.

 

But all I'm asking for is a bit more coverage. That's all. Even 1 day a week.

[Azual]

I know, and I should trust her on this. But all my relationships previous to this went downhill when the clothing changed, even when I didn't say anything about it. Been cheated on 3 times and had my trust broken a lot (And I'm not saying she will but those memories keep popping up and I can't keep them out of my head)

[xprincessbugx]

Well you've voiced your opinion and she doesn't want to change. So don't hang it over her head and just deal with it like a grown up.

[melrich]

I've read a lot of all of your stuff (the three of you who quickly resposted and I'm sorry I can't remember the names) and know you're all prolly right.

 

You really should listen to us because everyone is telling you pretty much the same thing. Lighten up. Otherwise I fear the post we are going to be reading from you next week is going to be "How do I get my girl back..."

[xprincessbugx]

If it's too much for you to handle you can always break up.

[Azual]

I know... but I want to seem concerned, caring, and loving without seeming too overpowering...

[xprincessbugx]

Ok, well you've already told her how you felt. Obviously she's not willing to compromise so just let it go. Don't ask her anymore and let her wear what she wants.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I know, and I should trust her on this. But all my relationships previous to this went downhill when the clothing changed, even when I didn't say anything about it. Been cheated on 3 times and had my trust broken a lot (And I'm not saying she will but those memories keep popping up and I can't keep them out of my head)

Sorry to say this, but you don't sound like an easy person to get along with. Is she dressing the same way she always has? If yes, then how is this clothing change going to keep the relationship from tanking? Clothing isn't a reason to get all bent out of shape, its a control issue and thats what you're tyring to do. If you know you should trust her, then why don't you. Just leave her alone, drop it, move on. There are more important things in life than whether or not part of her boob is showing, its just skin. Would she have to wear a full body suite to go swimming with you?

[Azual]

-Sigh- Alright... It's just I don't want to push her away but I can't help but find it hard to trust the choice of clothing when she's taken. Maybe it's just my personal thoughts, but I feel that for the most part, sexual things should be reserved for your partner.

 

It's kinda how I feel about strippers (Not exactly and I'm not saying she is!) But why show off what someone can't have. I see no point in it.

[Azual]

Sorry to say this, but you don't sound like an easy person to get along with. Is she dressing the same way she always has? If yes, then how is this clothing change going to keep the relationship from tanking? Clothing isn't a reason to get all bent out of shape, its a control issue and thats what you're tyring to do. If you know you should trust her, then why don't you. Just leave her alone, drop it, move on. There are more important things in life than whether or not part of her boob is showing, its just skin. Would she have to wear a full body suite to go swimming with you?

 

Oh I know I'm difficult as all get out, and I want to change that and I know I need to trust her on this. But what I want to know right now is how to seem conerned about it, without pushing to pushy...

[Azual]

Or is that even possible?...

 

What I don't get about me... (Yes my turn to critisize myself) is that I knew what she was wearing long before this, but she'd throw in Tshirts every so often. Now she doesn't. Maybe that's why I'm upset

 

But if I knew before and didn't get mad... why is my mind just suddenly now wnating me to push this issue? I don't understand me and I wish I could change.