what is he trying to do to me??

[loveisblind]

hi all, i was with my ex for almost 3 years. last year he decided he was "unsure" what he wanted and how he felt we talked about it and decided to see how it gos. a few months later he decided he didnt want to be with me any more that he still loves me but is not in love with me. (this happened when cricket season started and he wants to go out with his friends etc without havin to answer to me, although he did exaxtley what he wanted to do all the time i never stopped him from doin anything) we spilt up for about 2 months in which he started to c someone eles for a while (a friend of a girl from cricket) he was still phoning me up drunk on friday nites, then that stopped. (if he saw me out talkin to a guy or something he would get jelous and kick off) i reacted really bad to the suddun break up but started to get on with my life and was starting to feel happy again. then he comes back into my life beggin me back sayin what a mistake hed made. so i made him sweat a few weeks and under my rules decided to give him a seconed chance, he was willin to do anything for me giv up friends, football, cricket although i wouldnt expect him to do all of this. but i did get more strict with him not letting him go out with the lads clubbin on his own as i didnt trust him from wot he did before, and i thought wel ive tried lettin him do wot he wants and that didnt work. cricket seems to be the cause of most auguments aswel theres a girl there whio he kissed, wen we got back 2gether i was unsure whether to let him play again but he loves playin and his friends were askin me to let him so we agreed he cud on a sunday which he was greatful for at the time,.

 

well things were great until about 2 months ago its been 9 months and hes done it again. exactley the same as before around the same time aswel. he started to want to go out with his friends more and play cricket on a saturday aswel as sunday wen saturday is the only day we get to spend the whole day togther (other than that we saw each other wens fri sun nite) where as before he would rarther be with me and we then would have auguments. he asked me if he cud go out this 1 nite with the lads and i said no this is when it really started, we had a row and i decided if i was ever goin to trust him i have tio let him go out with his mates again or so i thought. so i let him go out on his birthday the week after, i stayed at home, then 2 wks ago just before we were due to go on a 2 week hol he said he didnt no what he wants/how he feels? (again) we went on hol 3rd nite had a big row and he said he was planning on ending it when we got back.i got it out of him that he kissed a girl on his nite out on his birthday, so wen i did decided to let him go out he did this? shes another friend of the girl from cricket and is only 17 (as was the other girl and the girl from cricket) hes 22.(even tho he said he would never hurt me blah blah wrote me letters had totaly begged me back b4) we contiued the hol and now we back we decided to saty friends. oh hes 22 im 20. wats up with him why does he keep doin this to me?

 

sorry if this dosnt make much sense if theres any part you dont understand please ask and i will explain thankyou ..........

[DN]

Possibly because being in a relationship under the other partner's 'rules' is almost always guaranteed to corrode the relationship sooner or later.

[princess81]

He wants his cake and eat it two ok seriously you both are young I think that he is caught between the two he loves and wants to be with you but on the other hand wants his freedom and answer to no one and thats ok he is still young so much to do and see at this age having a serious relationship is not the greatest thing anyway my opinion so now that you know how he feels what are ya gonna do about it are you gonna stay on this rollercoaster or get out and see what else is out there only you can decide. Good luck

[loveisblind]

thanks for your reply defently no more chances, im goin to try to enjoy myself im at uni so im goin to try concentrate on my work. i was just wondering why he broke up with me decided hed made a mistake got back with me then did it again!? maybe he will do it again (ask me back like before) in another couple months or maybe this time hes made his mind up for certain, i was his first love and he said he wil never forget that. but there will defently be no more chances that would be setting myself up to get hurt again no doubt.

[loveisblind]

also he had it all before we first broke up honestly he went out with the boys and would come back mine after at like 2 o clock in the morning and i would let him, he would play football 4 his sunday leauge, cricket, go to friends in the week and see me in between. i thought i was been an adult him doin his thing me doin mine and still seeing each other but that didnt work. thats why the seconed time (he actually said to me i was too soft with him before and i needed to be more like tellin him what to do more) i decided to try to be abit more making him ask me before he gos out or something where as before he would just do it and i would be like ok.

[joyce1412]

i agree that you telling him what to do has poisoned your relationship. neither partner should really get a say in the other's activities. men especially respond very negatively to a) being told what to do and b) not being trusted. i'm truly sorry that he's jerking you around, and that he let you go and came crawling back, sending mixed messages, and that he's now doing it again. but it sounds like you realize what giving him orders does to the relationship.

 

my last boyfriend trusted me completely. when i wanted to hang out with other guys as friends, he had no problem with it at all, even when he knew one had asked me out before. i was so appreciative of him not freaking out, and i respected him so much for it. if he had gotten jealous, or said no, i would have been really annoyed and disheartened, even though i asked him myself if it was "okay." it showed me that he was really secure with himself, and that he wasn't worried about someone else taking his place. i thought it was hot, actually.

 

you'd be surprised what it can do to simply say to someone, "i trust you," even if you don't really love what he wants to do.