Should I be worried.

[evidica]

My girlfriend has been wanting to go to clubs with her college pals and only has gone a couple time. Should I be worried about her going? I am 99% sure she wont drink, as she doesnt drink unless she is with me, but I am concerned about why she would want to go to a club and have dry sex with random guys. Can any girl elaborate on this for me?

 

I am not concerned about losing her, I am just conservitive and I dont see why she would want to do that instead of just hang out with friends.

[RandomAdvisor]

I am concerned about why she would want to go to a club and have dry sex with random guys.

 

Why are you assuming she is going to clubs to do something like that? Has she openly told you that is the kind of dancing she does, or are you just letting your imagination run wild? If you're not comfortable with that kind of behavior, have you told her so?

[NJRon]

Well... maybe you don't see why because you are not her. Maybe she doesn't see why you *don't* want to go to clubs. You seem pretty confident in your relationship. definitely don't ruin it by trying to control her.

[RayKay]

Has she actually SAID she is going to have "dry sex" with random guys?

 

Because I know that when I go out with my girlfriends, I don't go and dry hump any other men! It IS to hang out with my friends, some of them may be there to meet other men if they are single, but I never forget I am committed and in love with someone and don't do anything that is both beyond what I or my partner would be comfortable with.

 

I think it would be better to keep the lines of communication open between you, know one anothers boundaries and be respectful....but don't "ban" her from going, especially based on "presumptions" of her behaviour, rather than perhaps the reality?

[Daligal83]

Going out to the clubs and bars isn't always about drinking and going crazy. Most of time it's just another way to have fun with your friends. It's something more exciting than sitting around someone's house. She's just trying to have fun, don't read too much into it.

[BellaDonna]

I know that when I go out with my girlfriends, I don't go and dry hump any other men!

 

Same here. All throughout my relationship, from dating, to engagement, and through marriage I have gone out with my female friends and never did anything like that.

 

I know what you're saying though. Sometimes the dancefloors at certain clubs can get crowded, hot and heavy. However if you don't want to dry hump someone it will not occur and can be prevented.

 

I love to dance and so do my friends. Most of us are not single. We have a system, we form a circle away from others and if an unwelcome visitor comes and try to hump anyone, they are quickly blocked and pushed out. If they are drunk and don't take the hint then they are sternly told to back off, it they still don't take the hint.... they are elbowed.....and if they still don't take the hint, the bouncer is informed about it. Just because a person is at a club dancing does not mean that suddenly give others the right to grope them, touch them, hump them, or dance with them in a sexual way.

 

If you trust your girlfriend and know that she is responsible, then going to a club should not be a big issue.

 

BellaDonna

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Evidica,

 

I love dancing - even at my advanced age, I love going out and dancing in hot, sweaty nightclubs. What can I say? Girls like dancing, we do (I know this is a generalisation, so forgive me - but in the UK you *do* get groups of girls going out for a good dance and not just to pull). It's fun, it's a great night out, it's, heck it's making me want to go out just thinking about it!!

 

Sure, if she wanted to pull, then a club is a great place to go. But you have to trust her, or else what is the point? If I were your girlfriend, I would personally have problems with your post because it's a) slightly controlling and b) slightly judgemental. Why not be upfront with her, and tell her that you're the jealous type, and she can reassure you. And why not take her out yourself? That way the two of you can happily grind away as you dance the night away, and everyone's happy!!

 

Good luck.

[Momene]

Sad though it may seem, we just have to trust each other in relationships. It may not sound good but if she was interested in random sex, then she's not for you anyway but I don't believe that she is.

[evidica]

I told her I was slightly concerned, but she reassured me that it was just to hang with her girlfriends. I am not controlling and dont ever plan to be. I post on this site just to get ideas on what is going on so I dont blow up and mess up this relationship. I love her to death and I just want everything to be perfect, that is why I post. Thanks for the comments, I really dont think about it much when she goes out and I think it is more that I wish I were there with her dancing than me worrying about her dancing with other guys. Anyhow, thanks all.

[Momene]

If she were the type who was a serial cheater she wouldn't have to hang around clubs with her friends to do it.

 

You've nothing to worry about except finding something to do while she's out, such as meet a few friends of your own.