Why?

[LoveMatters]

You need to be optimistic about relationship rather than afraid that it will end soon and you will hurt so bad. Everybody wants the long lasting relationship but it not always happens so if you do your best in your relationship, you should not be sorry if it doesn't work out. But will you be sorry if you didn't try because you're so afriad? So if you really like someone, go for it, give it all the way, when you do your best, whatever it turns out, you have nothing to sorry about it.

[Momene]

I find the 3-6 month "rule" is actually quite true. I think it is far better to split with someone after dating 3-6 months than moving in, buying a house, getting married, having kids and then splitting up.

 

Indeed, I even think it's better than having a lot of medium term (1-3 year) relationships and then splitting up.

 

The only way to avoid breakups is to avoid relationships or become such a doormat and such a perfect partner that nobody would ever want to leave you.

 

I'm afraid there's always an element of risk involved.

[Batya33]

EH, I never said I was out looking for a relationship or that I was EVEN ready for one. I was just writing out my thoughts concerning what a poster said about most relationships only lasting from 3-6 months. I dont like to have my heart broken and to watch relationships die out after 3-6 months and have to trudge on and find a new one, that scares me.

 

OK then I didn't understand your initial post. If you are not looking for a relationship (not what you said in an earlier post, then ok) then I personally don't think it's worth it to throw your heart and soul into dating. I do not agree that relationships typically happen when you're not looking - there are stories like that and then there are just as many or more stories that started with personal ads/online ads posted by people taking a proactive approach who are now in happy marriages. People like to hook on to "myths" like that to explain what is often unexplainable i.e. "why aren't I in a relationship? There are infinite ways to meet someone and yes you have to be ready of course but there is not always some "magic" associated with it.

 

And for me personally, I don't believe in throwing myself into a relationship in the way you described. What I do believe in is prioritizing both the relationship and yourself such that the other person sees that while you want to integrate him into your life you have a life and you are going to maintain that life mostly with some exceptions - not the other way around. Just wanted to share.