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so lonely at college


neolithic
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hi everyone,

just to preface this post, i just fought with my laptop mouse for like five minutes because it wouldn't move, and then i realized it was because there was a giant tear plopped on it. if that tells you anything.

anyway, i just moved back to college for my sophomore year. last year i didn't really get lonely or homesick or feel terrible, at all. but for some reason, this year, i am completely lonely. i cry all the time, and i miss living with my family, and i even went back to an exboyfriend that i never thought i would, and i think that's largely because i'm so lonely. my roommate's girlfriend is here this year (she was still living at home last year), and i sort of feel second to my roommate now, when we hung out, just us, all the time last year. i know people will want to tell me to just go meet people, join clubs, etc. but i know a lot of people, and they often want to hang out, but it's just.. it's not there. i'm just lonely. i don't know what to do. i don't want to call my parents because they'll worry. i just want to live at home and never do anything for the rest of my life. i just want to find someone who will love me and not someone who will make me feel like i have to beg and work up points for something like him staying over. i don't know if going back with him and this loneliness are related, because i pretty much started talking to him when i moved back. anyway, i'll do whatever i need to to stop these feelings. i'm starting to feel depressed, and i really don't want to go there. i really just want to get really back into classes, and start clubs again, but it's only the first week. i need something to do. i'm even taking 19 hours because i desperately need things to do.

please help me. i'm miserable

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I think you are just home sick and feeling a little insecure. I remember feeling the same way when I first went away from college. Knowing you can go home and having the security your family provides makes it hard not to want to do so. That would be the easy way. If you didn't have all these options you would get over it a little quicker. I think it took a little less then a week to get over it, but I didn't have many options.

 

Just hang in there things will start coming together when you start getting busy with school and stuff. As for your roommate..that is just human nature. Some people are just ignorant to how they make others feel. I wouldn't take that personally. That is just how some people are.

 

DBL

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It's funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel totally alone.

 

What about talking to your family? Do you do that often? When I'm away and feeling homesick I call my parents and get them to tell me all the little details of home-life, makes me feel like I'm still there.

 

Hope this helped... =)

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i dont' think i'm totally homesick. i mean, i miss my family, but if they came to visit me, i don't really think i'd feel better. i think it's that i go to a very traditional southern school and i feel like there's no one around here like me. i dont want to go out with anyone anyway. i don't know. i got homesick last year, but this year i just feel terrible and absolutely lonely.

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Ah, being the only one of your 'kind' can be very hard, I was the only Tasmanian amongst a whole bunch of Westeners during High School, it's not easy, especially when everyone around you seems to have strong ties to both the area and the people.

 

Have you asked around, maybe there's someone with whom you share a similiar connection back home you can hang with when you're down?

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sort of. i have a lot of people to hang out with, technically, but i just want something easy and comfortable and i want to be able to talk about being lonely, you know? and you can't very well do that with anyone you've just met or don't know very well. plus, there really are a lot of people here that i just dont fit in with, they're all in fraternities and sororities and they all dress the same and act the same in class, and i'm just different than that.

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I didn't fit in with the fraternities and sororities. I had long hair and that just wasn't accepted by them. I accepted that I didn't fit in and thought it was great not to.

 

Unfortunately most people don't want to hang out and talk about depressed stuff. So you looking for someone that feels like they don't fit in either just like you feel?

 

DBL

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one of my biggest regrets to going to college was not being more actively involved. there are clubs, sport teams, associations that you can join where people share the same interest as you. be proactive, don't stay home and wallow in your self-pity because in the latter, nothing is going to change. you don't want to live your life and look back and say "i could have done that". don't do that. i've been listening to this song recently and one of the lines is that "every opportunity is a chance to grow". think about it.

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one of my biggest regrets to going to college was not being more actively involved. there are clubs, sport teams, associations that you can join where people share the same interest as you. be proactive, don't stay home and wallow in your self-pity because in the latter, nothing is going to change. you don't want to live your life and look back and say "i could have done that". don't do that. i've been listening to this song recently and one of the lines is that "every opportunity is a chance to grow". think about it.

 

So true.

 

Hang in there. Your feelings are normal. It's okay to feel down occasionally. If we did not feel sad at times, would we know what happiness feels like?

 

I think that when your classes begin and you join some clubs/activities, you'll start to feel better, little by little.

 

I HIGHLY recommend doing some aerobic exercise. Walking is excellent. You could also go to your school's gym and get on an exercise bike for 20 minutes and lift some free weights. These are things I do when I feel down. Exercise helps release endorphins (the natural feel good hormones that are produced by the body in response to physical activity).

 

Mind and body go hand in hand. Put your sneakers on and go out for a walk around campus. Treat yourself to a cup of tea or hot coffee. Get a manicure/pedicure. Little things like that can make you feel better.

 

Hang in there,

hoss

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I HIGHLY recommend doing some aerobic exercise. Walking is excellent. You could also go to your school's gym and get on an exercise bike for 20 minutes and lift some free weights. These are things I do when I feel down. Exercise helps release endorphins (the natural feel good hormones that are produced by the body in response to physical activity).

 

Mind and body go hand in hand. Put your sneakers on and go out for a walk around campus. Treat yourself to a cup of tea or hot coffee. Get a manicure/pedicure. Little things like that can make you feel better.

 

Agree with that as well. Want to add that other things like eating healthy and sleeping enough can actually make a noticeable difference to whether someone becomes depressed and similar feelings.

 

Unfortunately, it's unrealistic to expect to be able to talk about really personal things with people you've just met, and to get to that level of friendship or relationship with people in real life you pretty much have to wade through getting to know them on a much more casual level.

 

Maybe look for peers who also aren't trying to fit in, and get to know them. No reason to try and fit in with things like fraternities.

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