Letter I READ to her

[sfindependent]

I wrote this today and I wanted to tell her how I feel. She's maintained that the guy she's seeing is just a friend. But she's been spending so much time with him and confessed she liked him and he liked her but nothing has happened. I read this to her and she got upset. I dont think we can be together anymore,not after putting me in the back burner.

 

I tried to tell you how much I cared. I tried to tell you how much breaking up was such a mistake. I tried, I tried, I tried. But you're happy now. You have people telling you, you made the right decision. You've moved on and have shown me how much I really am to you. I call you more than you do me, I set dates with you. I hold on to the days I can go out to make sure I would have time for you, even now.

 

I want to rush in and save whatever's left. I want to work on it and be productive. But it's too late. You have decided to move on. You have decided to chase another dream, and left the dreams I thought we shared. I held on so and told you, you can go while I held on. It broke my heart like it's never broke it before. Especially knowing you're in the arms of other men.

 

I wanted to still share the same things we had before with this friend thing and maybe more. I want to go to parties WITH you. I wanted to be your friend and have fun with you. I wanted to know your secrets and I wanted to be the shoulder you can cry on. I wanted to share the WEEKENDS with you. I wanted to share my NIGHTS with you, and you had me as much as you could have possibly wanted anyone to be around you willing, wanting and able only for you. I would have figuratively stepped away for a minute and let you do your thing. You could have run back to me and tell me how your day went without me and still have a man who would embrace you and tell you how happy he really is to have you in his arms.

 

But now, you skim on me, you spread yourself thin for me even though you say you care, that you love me a certain way. You say you miss me, but you would rather be with someone else. You have made it clear to everyone that going back with me is out of the question, while I maintained an open line with you and struggled with this heartache to give you what you want, and made sure that when you did, you can easily go back with out feeling ashamed or with much effort.

 

I will be here Stacy. I tried to make you understand. I tried my best to let you know how much I loved you. How much of a friend I really am, how much commitment I really have for you. How much more of a meaningful relationship we can have, if only we tried to see what's really in front of us. If only you stopped before you left, and rushed to go to a different world, to his world. I don't like this uncertainty between us now. I don't like the fact that I'm second best, or second choice. I don't like the fact that I'm the fall back guy. I really don't know if I should even be around for this anymore, since you have someone else who you want to be with. You are first in my list. You are the only one in my list. I don't have anyone else to all back on, because I wanted you to be the only one I'd find waiting for me to come home and kiss you hello. Be it friends or more, you are still first on my list.

 

But it takes so much of me to keep thinking, keep wishing that you held me up in the same position as you would have before. Or at least to see that you're making the effort as I am to make sure that we can be something and maybe hope that the past two years wasn't a waste or full of false hopes that I so desperately believe in.

 

But you've made yourself clear, aside from your words, your actions and your choices dictate how you feel for me. I should have seen it before and I chose to believe that love can find its way back in your heart and make you realize that someone who you've been wanting to be with for everything was sitting right beside you for so long.

 

I could not help you anymore. I can not push you anymore. I cannot show you anymore what I've been holding in front of your face for so long. I have proven to you my commitment and how much fun we can have together when we were together. We both have issues we have to face and I wanted to tell you I wanted to face your issues with you while I sat behind you supporting you as you find your own way.

 

But you're not in a relationship with me anymore. Not in that way. I can only do so much and can only wait for so long to hear something. To see something, or to feel something that I have a little bit of commitment from you that you do want something good out of this break up other than a friendship. I can break my heart only so much before I have to say no more. I can only say so much words to before I can speak no more. You are with someone else, be it him being a friend or more. The fact is you are with someone else. You care a lot more for him than you do me, now. I have to accept that and live with it. I will not force myself to you anymore. I've made a fool of myself for pretending the girl I've spent a long time with and planned to share a longer life with wouldn't want anyone else other than me to care for her and make her feel secure about herself for her to face the world.

 

I've believed that we can get back together, basing it on how we are to each other despite our differences and how we were when we were together. I've resorted to settling for something even less than that, to be your friend in hopes that I can be better in your eyes, only if I waited by the sidelines and proved to you my worth. I wanted to hear you say, yes, I want to work with you in that way in whatever way, that this way might prove to be beneficial to us in the end. But I was the one who always came up with a solution, I was the one who stood up and said I will take the chances. I was the one, not you. I cannot do this alone. I cannot want this alone. Judging by your actions, I am second in line. If you look at mine, you are first. I know you've thought about it already and I know where I'm supposed to stay as Second best. I found peace with you before. But it seems, I will have to find peace on my own.

 

if someone told you this, what would you think? how would you react?

[Scout]

if someone told you this, what would you think? how would you react?

 

Honestly? I'd feel guilty and resentful at the same time. I'd feel you were painting me out to be the "bad guy" who is making you, the self-sacrificing saint, miserable. However, the guilt trip would not make me come back to you, I'm afraid.

 

Sorry, friend. But that's the way the letter reads to me.

[BornToResist]

Honestly? I'd feel guilty and resentful at the same time. I'd feel you were painting me out to be the "bad guy" who is making you, the self-sacrificing saint, miserable. However, the guilt trip would not make me come back to you, I'm afraid.

 

Sorry, friend. But that's the way the letter reads to me.

 

I completely agree.

 

If someone read this to me, I doubt I would have much reaction and I would probably just leave. It would be completely over.

[Daddy Bear]

i got the same impression as well. my reaction would be, "who does this guy think he is to try and lay a guilt trip on me?"

[NJRon]

Yeah.. ouch.

 

I think it might be better to ask for input *before* doing something like that in the future. After the fact doesn't do much good.

[sfindependent]

eh... I followed it up with this,

 

its not being a martyr, its about seeing the truth.

 

I only wanted to be with you in the way you wanted someone to be in with you in everything you do in your life, as a friend as a lover and as a companion you can trust.

 

But i cannot be the someone i want to be in your eyes if you dont want to see it in your eyes as well.

 

Maybe some other time in this life you will see me the way I wanted you to see me. I know its not now, there's so much other good things you see going on for you that i am pushed back into the background, and I understand that.

 

I'm sorry I wasted 4 weeks of your time. I should have realized this a long time ago. I hope you're not that upset to do anything to hurt me, I did not write that letter to hurt you.

 

I only want to tell you I am trying to see things your way. I am seeing things the way they're supposed to be. I am seeing that we can be friends but nothing more, unless you yourself decide to change that. I do not doubt that you care for me, or love me. I hoped for more, but the reality is you can only care so much and be there only so much, as you have said so yourself.

 

i will maintain my promise (to be here for you, no matter what) and my want to be friends with you, to be with you still in that way. But I cannot do it alone.

 

Thank you.

[sfindependent]

I talked to her today and ended up arguing with her. But it didnt start off that way, we were exchanging pleasantries and ended up seeing her myspace photos. I saw it and it reminded me of how pretty she was to me, and how she wasn't mine in that way anymore to appreciate that. So naturally my heart was crushed and ended up calling her, and saying all sorts of things I regret saying. She even ended up comparing me to her dad (which is very bad, he was a bad father) told me she'll call me when she got off work to talk about it.

 

Obviously, I felt bad about it and visited her at work, dropped off a single flower and apologized for what I said and left.

 

When she got off, we talked and ended up arguing about "communicating". I wanted whether we be friends of lovers, talk about our feelings (god, i sound like a friggin' girl) and she didnt even want to talk. We ended up arguing for 23 minutes about that and ended up hanging up the phone.

 

I called her a few minutes later asking if i could stop by and get my smokes.

 

When I called her again, she was in the shower getting ready to go to a party with this guy friend (i'm so jealous of) so I said, I wouldnt pick it up anymore,said I stressed her enough today and hung up. An hour later (the time she gets ready to go anywhere decked out) she called and asked if i was going to pick up my marlboros. I said no again. I had a feeling that she was calling me to see whether or not I'd get the chance to see the guy and possibly avoid confrontation, I bit my toungue and said have fun at party, call me up when she got home or something. She said she'll call me when she got off work the next day (630pm).

 

a few questions. She obviously doesnt want to talk about getting better (as friends or whatnot) anymore, its been a month since we broke up and she wants to move along from that topic, but somehow I always bring it up. She just wants to talk about other things as well. She's also going to a show tom. that she said she'll never go to and I wanted to go there as well, but now that she's going, I might not go at all. She also said that "we're just friends right now" pertaining to the guy i'm jealous of and that they're taking it as it comes. She said I dont have anything to be jealous of since nothing has happened. But for me there has, she insists she wants to be friends but with her actions with her other friend, she would rather be friends with him.

 

i know that NC is a must, but the reason why we broke up was loss of trust and I wanted to gain that back with her. I think that NC would not fly well with that, it would only happen if we became friends.

 

Any suggestions? I know it would take a lot of sucking up and heartache to be her friend first, and if she decides to date the guy, the pain would surely kill me.

 

She's too consumed with her frustration towards me right now, she can't think and she gets pushed farther from me since this other guy is a lot of fun to be with and I'm just a big sulking baby. I want to regain my masculinity and my respect from her. But the past month of groveling and begging did not help me with regain that.

 

 

 

I happened to leave my cigarettes at her work

[Momene]

If I was her I would think that you didn't love her but were just unhealthily obsessed with her. It may not be how it really was but that's how it would appear from the letter.

 

Appeals to "win back" people who've dumped you do not have a high success rate. Your best bet is no contact, get over it and find someone who is into you as much as you are them, as she clearly wasn't.

[sfindependent]

I am getting better now, however, I still get hurt by the prospect of her meeting, seeing and dating another man. wat would it say/tell of what I am if I say I will be there for you ( a promise I intend to keep) all the while she's with another man? a wimp? a wuss? a pushover? a spare tire? a man for sticking by his promise and sucking it up for love?

[BornToResist]

If I were you, I would completely back off. You have already told her you'd be there for her and put the ball so far in her court, you won't see it ever again.

 

So stop calling her, stop going by her work. Whatever is going to happen between her and the other guy is beyond your control. Just worry about yourself.

 

If she calls you, and needs support or whatever else, then yeah, I'd be there for her like you said you would. But the constant calling and everything else is only going to push her away.

[sfindependent]

thats true, I've been trying to do that for the past week and its been ok... she's focusing on other people right now, but she calls me up when its convienent for her or when she needs to, but I'm trying to keep myself composed and my tongue bit. thanks!

[Scout]

wat would it say/tell of what I am if I say I will be there for you ( a promise I intend to keep) all the while she's with another man? a wimp? a wuss? a pushover? a spare tire? a man for sticking by his promise and sucking it up for love?

 

Let me ask you something, and I want you to be brutally honest with yourself when thinking about the answer.

 

Why are you so stuck on keeping this promise, when it's basically putting your own life on hold for someone who is simply not wanting to be with you?

 

Is keeping such a promise really out concern for her? Is it? Or is it the idea of keeping a promise?

 

I understand if it's the latter. But when you commit yourself and your love to someone who doesn't value it, think of what that really means. It basically devalues your strong principles of commitment, because you're throwing them away on someone who could care less.

 

Rather a tragedy, from my viewpoint. Especially since it means you're going to be so focused and hung up on someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, that other opportunities with other more interested girls are going to pass you by.

 

It's not so much that you're a wuss or a wimp if you follow this determination to not let go of this girl. Rather, it says you're not using much practical thinking or common sense. Sorry to say that, but if you really think about this, you might (I hope) come to the same conclusion.

[sfindependent]

THAT is a very good point, scout. I have placed several posts up here and this is one of the most eye opening ones that have come my way. thank you!

[Scout]

THAT is a very good point, scout. I have placed several posts up here and this is one of the most eye opening ones that have come my way. thank you!

 

You're most welcome. Keep reading it until it really sinks in.

[Momene]

Find someone who actually appreciates you.