i feel down

[pacopaco]

Hi everyone,

 

I've been feeling kind of down. I've been making good on the NC, as I do not want to contact her, and have been healing well. Here's the thing. She broke NC, and went ahead her coming over for about three days straight. On a Sunday, she asked if I wanted to hang out with her, I said "no thanks." What she's thinking, that she's thinking of me, that she misses me isn't really important here. What is important is that I feel that I took an emotional step backwards. I feel right now like I was feeling when it all came down that she cheated on me. Is it normal, the feeling? I understand the point that NC is for me, and I have been making good to myself on it. I stopped calling her even before she cheated when she told me she didn't love me, and that she wasn't attracted to me. That was it for me, though we still lived in the same place for two months more. The cheating was what put her out of our apartment, actually.

Anyway, I find myself thinking of her, and what she's doing. Her life isn't so peachy right now, as the guy she cheated with was the boss. I know she isn't for me, and I know I don't want to be with her, as this betrayal has been the worst of my life, but I was deeply in love. She invited me out last friday for drinks with her co-workers. I thought this was so stupid a thing to do. Of course I said no, as right now I resent those people, I've only met two. Why do I feel down?

Before she called, we were in NC for a month and a half. I was doing well, real good. Does contact with a person who hurt me set me back emotionally?

[rose2summer]

PacoPaco!!!

 

Hey there, my dear friend!

 

I am sorry to hear that you are down.

 

Yes contact with her will set you back.

 

Your heart and mind need to heal, and the only way that can happen is to disscociate memories of her from your immediate short-term memory.

 

Seeing her, talking to her, will put her in the forefront which is what you don't want.

 

Please try to heal from her and stay away.

 

In the future, you might be able to rekindle a friendship.

 

Right now is not the time, when you are hurt and upset.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Scout]

I was doing well, real good. Does contact with a person who hurt me set me back emotionally?

 

Apparently so, hon. And that's perfectly understandable, given that you two want completely different things, not to mention each time you hang out with her, it just reminds you of her horrible betrayal.

 

Completely unrelated - love your avatar! That's so cute.

[NJRon]

Yes. Contact with a person who hurt you, if you are not over that hurt, will set you back emotionally.

 

However, she did not break NC by calling you. You broke NC by answering the call. Stick to NC. There is no reason to respond unless you want to stay in this emotional low.

 

Hang in there...

[princess81]

Hugs Paco I remember your post how is your mom? I am sorry to hear that your are blue be strong paco you can get thrue this however if you find that you want to work things out with her try to figure out exactly what you both want and take it slow if not just start nc again asap and when you feel like you are going to give in post instead and vent it does help there are some really good people here willing to lend their eyes and give some advise and support. God bless

[pacopaco]

my mom is fine, princess. thank you for asking. she's at home now.

rose2, thank you for what you said.

Scout: dig the avatar. kind of like how i'm feeling, with my mom, a broken heart. not really anger or sadness but a "what happened?"

 

I was thinking earlier after i posted that post that i think i need to get over the feeling that she disliked me. it feels that way. i accepted what happened, but it's this feeling that I was not liked as a person, even. it's one thing to not care for a stranger, but this is just life altering. I guess when they say that your ego and self-esteem are bruised this is what they mean. for me it manifests itself in thinking she didn't like me at all. i've always had a healthy self-image, and this is something i've never felt before. to be treated like mud, for want of a better word (fear not, moderator.)

all the things she told me about regret and feeling bad, and wanting to see me, i don't believe because i can't. i just can't believe. She made me ashamed of myself for a little while. now mind you all, i go to the gym everyday, and i look better than before. i have been getting a lot of female attention, but i guess that's what's called owning your pain. I NEED TO GET OVER THINGS. they are my things and are all part of my pain. i'm not over this, i've been doing waaaaay better, but i'm not over it.

I don't want to work things out with her. at this point of my healing, i don't want to know her, and every good memory is now tainted. I can't even remember right now without feeling that whatever it was that happened was cheap.

[NJRon]

I can totally identify with your feelings. When you get hurt by someone you care about, it really make syou question a lot of things.

 

You can only do what you can for yourself. Start by just doing one thing every day that you are proud of, and remind yourself that you are proud of it. It doesn't sound like much, but it's a start. It builds. Eventually it will take hold permanently