NEW: I'm a girl in love of her best friend (another girl)

[julie_an]

Hey guys! I've already saw in other threads the same topic and my apologies for starting a new one with the same subject.

 

I'm currently dating a guy (6 months now) but from work I get to knew this wonderful girl Denisse, so beautiful and intelligent, we became friends on april and since then the relationship became close. I try to spend every single spare time with her, seeing movies at her home (she lives with her parents, she's 22) and I live by myself. To keep the story short,I had a surgery 2 months ago and she stayed with me the whole time at the hospital and also 2 days at my place to take care of me, so I become more attached to her. When my current boyf comes back from work (he works 3 weeks in the countryside and then rests the other weeks) I prefer spending my time with her... I can't breathe when I'm not with her.

 

Well, in july we had a party at my friend's house and she came by, also my boyf, and we got drunk, and when she hid at the bathroom 'cause we fought (I din't want her to go home alone - I was driving? and drunk?) well I went into the bathroom with her and apologized for everything and confessed my love, and told her that I never felt that way in my life, and she was "I want you to be happy first" and cried -remember we were drunk- and I told her that I wanted her to be happy no matter what...anyways she stayed at home that night and when we both wake up the next day -I tried to remember what else happened (because i only could remember some things)- and she was acting weird and the next se emailed me and told me she remembered more than I thought and that she wanted to keep our friendship no matter what happened, so I freaked out, and emailed her and told her that I wanted that too -keep the friendship- (I was so coward and I didn't confront the situation directly) and that I couldn't remember exactly what I said but either way I wouldn't regret it or take that back, and apologized again, so after that everything was the same...

 

Passing the time together, but also when we watched videos at my place (the TV on my bedroom) we always start punching (not too hard) at each other arms or bite at our arms or hands playing... all the time and that makes me crazy -because it's hard not to act on your feelings...

 

And then... last friday we went out with some friends and drink something and got a little bit drunk, of course this time I remember everything, and when I was leaving her at home I embraced her very hard and told her that what I told that DAY (that I loved her) it was for REAL and I will keep it (I mean no regret it), and she said that what she told me that day too...but then (and I promise it happened) we kissed, slowly but we kissed no more than a minute, I don't know if it was the moment, the drunk state but we did, it's the first time I kiss a girl in my life but it happened, and then she said "let's go into the car" because we were outside in the street, and I don't know why I did this but I entered the passenger side and leaned the seat down and she was on top (not really ON TOP) but kneeled down looking at me with her wonderful eyes, and I touched her face and put a trail of hair behing her right ear and touched her lips with my finger and she kissed my finger and then we kissed again until her dad called her and she entered her house, but before she entered I brought her face with my hand and give her a liplock fast and left.

 

After that... and I don't know if she remembers anything, but I think she does, we never spoke about that, but I can't think clearly again, I dream every night with what happened, and I don't know what to do, she only had boyfriends and she's in love of this guy in another state and next week we're travelling together there... should I play the stupid part again and forget about what happened? (because after that we watched videos at my place again and we continued punching/bitin our arms and tickling... like nothing happened), should I confront her? or maybe it's too soon to realize and the best thing to do is wait and see if she shows any reaction in the future about this?

 

Any help will be highly appreciated, sorry for the long post

Jules

[Boughtandpaidfor]

cant see any problem- sounds like there's obviously something there right?! you need to talk about it properly with her though because all this guessing will do you no good I think. Also- you have a boyfriend!!!!!

[Cadence308]

I see a few problems with your story and your situation. You are falling in love with your female friend, yet you have a boyfriend. I think you should first break up with your boyfriend before you continue to pursue your friend or things go further with her. It's clear that you are confused about your sexuality and it's not fair to your boyfriend that you pretend to be in love with him when your feelings are far more intense for your female friend.

 

The other problem I see with your situation is that the only time something happens with your friend is when you both have been drinking. Everyone knows that when you are drinking you are more horny and more inclined to feel, do, and say things that you wouldn't normally do otherwise. Now you don't know where you stand with your friend. My suggestion is to try watching movies with her without the alcohol and see if the same things happen. Is she okay with you kissing her and professing your love for her when she's sober? Many straight women make out with other women only when they have been drinking because they are horny and the other person is there. Sometimes the make out sessions mean absolutely nothing. This is why I think you should see what happens with her when you are both sober.

[julie_an]

Thank you guys for your replies, I'll do what you suggest Ballys, and you're right it's not fair for my boyf to pursue something that's not there, I've already talked to him before he went to work on the field last month and he's coming back in a few weeks so I'll have the chance to talk about our relationship.

About Denisse, yes it's confussing, I've never tried anything when we're both sober, I feel afraid of how she would react, as you said, maybe things are not the way I'm thinking and it's only the alcohol effect...I'll try something this week to find out what's going on, but what I don't want it's to lose her friendship

Jules

[julie_an]

Guys,

 

Thanks for your replies and your valuable advices, yesterday after 2 days of fighting with her, we finally put the things on perspective (without alcohol this time) and what I feel she feels it too, i'm so happy guys............ she loves me too.

 

Today is a day of choices, as I said one time I had a boyfriend and today would be the day everything will be decided for the best or worst, I want to take this chance... even if my heart could get wounded, I love her too much and yesterday I tried to show her what I felt...

 

So, we'll see what happens... I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO EXPLODE

Jules

[Tigris]

I'm looking forward to hearing your next news.

 

Good luck

[loveualot]

wow!!! u are really a lucky gal i must say!!! congrats!!! wish things like this could happen more frequently... do let us know on things happening dear!!!

[julie_an]

Hi guys...how have you been?

Well...sorry for not writing in a while, but I just came back from vacations and let me say, this time my vacations rocked!

Ok, about Denisse we're still together and had the opportunity to travel together to the city where my family lives (she's a lawyer so she had to take care of some business at the same city) so she was able to meet my family (I didn't tell them yet that we're a couple, 'cause they would totally kill me? they wouldn't understand easily that I love a girl, so I would have to work in that department, also her family is very conservative so they don't know anything about us just yet).

 

I think we have many complications in the future, sometimes we talked for hours about this topic, but never thinking on breaking up our relationship, so for what she says to me, she's thinking about a future together... that's so much more of what I was expecting and of course I would love to spend my life with her I LOVE HER TOO MUCH it's amazing to show someone you love how much you love 'em

 

Ok, guys I have to go now, thanks again for all your wonderful words and wishes, this forum is amazing and gives you the possibility of talk openly about what you're feeling... THANKS!!!

[Tigris]

I'm pleased everything is going well for you. Please keep us upto date.

[julie_an]

Guys...

 

We were so stupid... stupid, last week we were so obvious about our relationship that her parents began to wonder what was happening and they opened ther hotmail logs and guess what... found out about our relationship, so last Thursday they confronted us! imagine my face, and her face!

 

Anyway, we didn't tell anything to them, she told them we would talk about ourselves, and so we did, we planned to keep things "low profile" so ...we are making they believe we broke up whatever we had and become friends again... also we're going to start to visit a psichologist! OMG... this is f"#$#$ nuts... the plan is to lie to the psichologist and pretend we become only friends again, and after a year or so leave the country or going to another state to live as far as we can from them... imagine that! I don't know if I'm able to pretend I'm only a FRIEND... I love her so much, I proposed to her!!! I think this is pointless, I couldn't see her since then... and talk to her by phone...

 

Great things vanish this quick? (I feel so stupid... for being that careless...)

[NKP]

Why do you care what people think? You are 27 if you want a relationship with a gal well thats your choice no one can change that. You's two love each other, dont let anyone ruin that. Love is the most amazing feeling in the world just dont let the love die because of other people. If your familys hate you's just because of you's are gay, well they cant be much of a family, family will love you no matter what you do, they will hate you sometimes and will be a pain in the * * * sometimes, but they love you and would just want you to be happy, even if its with a guy or a gal, or if they are not just listen to your heart, if you love her as much as yo say you do dont let something like this finsh you two

[Lost1n7heDark]

Oh wow. I definitly agree with the above post. DON'T let other people's opinions, even your families, control your life. You're 27, and you have the right to live the way you want. Go take control of your life, and if you love this girl, which it is apparent, love her publicly. Love is something that is supposed to rule over all. What people say should never matter. If you are happy with her, stay with her.

 

I myself am in a relationship with another girl and I am so very happy with her. My parents don't know, and if they do find out, I really wont care. I say live life the way you want to, because it's yours, and not theirs. I really wish you a lot of luck, because I know how hard that can be on your life.

 

Good luck, keep us updated!

[Tigris]

I'm 43 and my family aren't happy with me either. I'm marrying my fiancee and moving to Australia. This is all happening next year. One of my sister's has said i'm selfish! I've always put everyone first in my life until now.

 

I told my fiancee that this would happen and I'd have to make a choice. I reassured her that I already knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

 

It took me 30 years and 2 marriages to come to this decision. It's not my problem anymore, it's theirs!

 

We only get one life and we have to use it to make ourselves happy. If you love your girlfriend as much as I love my fiancee then you know what your decision has to be. If your family don't want to lose you then they're going to have to adapt their way of thinking.

 

Good luck and take care.

[julie_an]

Guys... thank you very much for your kind words, it's been really difficult these past two weeks, seeing each other and hiding from her parents... it's the only way right now... I won't deny what I feel for her and she's not going to do it too, we plan to stay low (profile) for a while and pretend with others that we're only friends... It's the only way, until we have everything ready to leave, I haven't told my parents either, that would be the next step, but not right now when everything is like this with her family.

 

I'll keep you updated with everything, and everyone is right... I DON'T PLAN ON LOSING HER AND I'LL FIGHT FOR OUR LOVE...

 

Thank you guys,

Jules

[Tigris]

I hope her parents stop thinking how it's going to affect them and let her enjoy her life how she wants to.

 

Good luck to both of you.

[julie_an]

Tigris,

 

Since you've been in the same situation before... why did you guys could not be together, because of the family also? (if you don't mind that I ask you these questions)... I want to have a clear view of what is going to be for us, what challenges and difficulties we might experience in the future.

 

I also wanted to tell you guys, that I exploded and told my sister, and she didn't care!!! she's happy for us... And today, Denisse is leaving for the weekend to be with her parents so I visited her (without her parents knowing of course) and talked to her and reassure that everything will be fine while we are both sure of our love, and also called my sister and she talked to her, so she was more calmed and relaxed.

 

Ok, Tigris, feel free to answer / or not to the questions, ok? Thank you again for everything...

 

Jules

[Lost1n7heDark]

Oh good. So your sister is on your side.

 

I'm not Tigris, and I definitely do not have the experience, but I wanted to say that I'm really happy for you. I think the worst that could happen is that your parents can disown you, but if they're true parents, they will do nothing of the sort. You'll probably come accross people who just can't accept those things and will talk about you two negatively, and you will come accross some people who just will openly and publicly be rude to you both.

 

Both of your parents will have a hard time accepting you two being together if they are really conservative, but really it shouldn't have to matter. And they should understand that. Have they not themselves, experienced love so that they were able to have such wonderful daughters? And do they not understand that love is enough for someone to go through hell for another? If they cannot understand that, then they obviously have not loved anyone, and they aren't worthy of your fear, they are only worthy of your pity.

 

I wish you both the best of luck, and don't let the hard times bring you down. You have all of us here, and feel free to PM me if you wish. Although I don't know how many people would want to consort a 15 year old.

[Tigris]

The problem why we can't be together at the moment is because I have to complete the building work, etc., on my house before I can sell it.

 

My fiancee lives in Australia and I live in England. I've already met some of her family when I visited her in February. She had an advantage over me because she'd already 'come out'.

 

I on the otherhand informed my family I was filing for divorce in November, dropped the bombshell in January I was a lesbian and informed them I'm getting married in July 2007 and moving to Australia after that. I won't let my family decide my life for me. I love her and I won't lose her no matter how much they try to change my mind. If I have to choose between her and them then they know they will lose.

 

The will always be welcome in our home.

 

It's a lot easier to make ultimatums when you're not living with your parents.

 

If you love each other then you should have the courage to stand against your parents. It is your lives and you have to learn by making your own mistakes.

 

Good luck and take care. PM me anytime.

[julie_an]

Tigris, thanks for sharing your story, I'm glad you have everything figured it out and finally you two will be able to spend your life TOGETHER, that's the important thing

 

Well... about me and Denisse, I show her this web page, and she was glad I was able to spoke freely about what I was feeling and she's very grateful with all of you for support us... THANK YOU AGAIN...

 

We are taking things more calmly and trying to see each other whenever we can, since both of our families are not ready yet to understand what we're feeling (except for one of her cousins and my sister, the only ones who know about us)... we are planning ahead of things, thinking more on the future 3 years from now, and for the rest of the people we mantain as "friends".

 

We'll see what happens, but what we want is keep OUR LOVE as STRONG as it can be, and be happy with what we have and hope for the future, we were very impressed with your story Tigris... after 23 years you can finally be HAPPY and be with the woman you love, so what we think is that it's possible to live this way and together we'll plan carefully our future... career, place to live, family, etc... what do you think?

 

I AM SO HAPPY guys, I SEE A BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD!!!

[Tigris]

You can succeed if you have a strong relationship.

 

My Fiancee and I have struggled through some problems, but we're still together. One of the most difficult problems to deal with is when one of us is ill with our disabilities. Unfortunately, on two occasions we were both ill for a couple of weeks. That was the biggest test of our relationship so far.

 

We think that God/fate have thrown all the problems at us to prove that we can cope when we're married. That was one of the doubts I had at the beginning of our relationship. We've proved we can manage when we're apart and supporting each other over the internet/Skype/phone, etc., so it should be a lot easier in person.

 

Good luck for the future. PM me anytime.

[Just_me321]

Wow, I'm new to this site, and jsut read your post, I'm thouroughly dazzled. Your story is quite amzing to me. Even though things are rough atleast you are lucky enough to be so in love, and have someone so lin love with you back, no matter what orientation they are. Best wishes to you! Keep us posted!

[confused1607307390]

if ur in luv then wats d huge prop??jus do wat u tnk is ryt!!gud luk

[julie_an]

Hey guys!!! how have you been???

sorry for not writing before, but i was quite busy with work but also with this kind of double-life I'm experiencing since I found THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...

 

Well... well... news... We have almost 1 year of a wonderful relationship and getting STRONG each day, sometimes it's not flawless... I mean every relationship has downs and ups... so now I believe we are balancing everything, personalities...etc

 

 

Today not only my sister knows, I told my little brother (he's 20) and my bestfriend Mary (she's 27) about Denisse and they didn't care at all, I think that only my brother doesn't understand the implications, but he's dealing with his issues and time would tell, but he's excellent

 

In the other hand, as I told you in my last post Denisse and I were very careful with her family, and they think we are just friends, I tried to approach her family carefully so they won't be too scare of me and think other things - I know it's a LIE but we can't do much on that... not now...

 

We are planning the future carefully, we talked about getting married (for us WE ALREADY ARE), but to be legally married we are searching for legal advice in other countries (Canada, Spain, etc) and also thinking about a family... we have consider the names of the children also... so as you can read WE LOVE EACH OTHER MORE EVERY SECOND

 

Tigris, when are you getting married? I remember it was going to be on july of this year right? please let us know news about you and your fiancé

 

Kisses to all and THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support...

 

Jules

[Tigris]

My fiancee and I are both disappointed that our wedding has had to be postponed until July 2008. It's very upsetting because she should be here with me now. However, it's just as well we couldn't get married this year because I've got a very contagious skin infection. It keeps reoccurring at least once a year. The doctor has not idea what it is? He's referring me to a dermatology consultant. At the moment I've been put on antibiotics.

 

My immune system doesn't work properly because I have 'Fibromyalgia Syndrome' and when I get infections it weakens it more. Giving me antibiotics does help to kill the infection but again taken them weakens my immune system and makes me more vulnerable to contracting other illnesses. I'll just have to hope everything will turn out ok.

 

I'm pleased you're telling more people about the two of you, however, please remember that not everyone will keep your secret. My so called best friend (2 years ago) blurted it out in a pub on Christmas Eve that i was a lesbian in front of my Mother's cousins and their children. They realised I was horrified and didn't know whether to run out or hit her. I had to tell them that my father didn't know because one of my sisters had said I'd never see my nephew again if I told him. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to tell him because there was going to be 2 family parties in the January. My father was upset about it and couldn't look at me when I was telling him because he had tears in his eyes and didn't want me to see them. He said, 'My life was my own and I did with it what I pleased.' I said, 'Thank you', and disappeared out of the room because I was starting to fill up with tears too.

 

The best friend...well I've never been friends with her from that night. She's apologised and that makes no difference. She threw my sexuality in my face at every opportunity she had. She even told the police when they came to take a statement from her when she was beaten up by an ex boyfriend. I just went around to see if she was ok, that was months before she outed me. I wouldn't care I only took her out for one drink because she was going to be by herself over Christmas. Her daughter was in foster care because of my friend's drinking habits and ex boyfriend who used to take drugs. The daughter had been raped by him that year and she was only 13! I gave them all the support I could and she repaid me by 'outing me'.

 

What I couldn't forgive her for was she said, 'Well it's out now and I've done you a favour.' All she'd done was open the biggest can of worms you could imagine. My immediate family refuse to even get to know my fiancee when she comes over. Plus they won't attent the wedding. They are ok with gays, however, it's obvious when they've got one right under their noses in the family their views change. My eldest nephew isn't bothered about me being a lesbian (he's nearly 17), however, he doesn't want me to go and live Australia. My 8 year old neice and 10 year old nephew...well their mother doesn't even want to tell try and explain about gay people.

 

I wanted my oldest nephew to be my Best Man, my other nephew to be Ring Bearer and his sister Bridesmaid. I've never felt so hurt in all my life. My Father...well I'm presuming that because my two sisters and their families aren't coming neither will he. That's usually what happens.

 

It'll be a great day for us anyway. I'm going to feel so proud showing my new wife off to everybody. I only have to think about her and a big grin immediately appears on my face. And she does exactly the same when her friends ask about me.

 

I'm sorry I got carried away agiain. Can you tell I'm in love? lol

[julie_an]

Wow Tigris, you left me speechless... I can't imagine all the pain you suffered and before I forget I hope you are getting better now for the illness you told me about...

After my last post things got more complicated, we started talking about other issues (having sex with men), from my point of view I don't think I would have the need but in her case, since I was her first it's kind of confusing because she's curious about it and I don't know what to do, should I let her free so she can experience that for herself, should we break up so she won't feel like cheating on me? or should accompany her while she tries this... I'm really confused now, I think I wouldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else, she even told me that "it's just sex", I don't believe that (years ago I would thought the same way) but now it's different, she told me that she wouldn't tell me if she did (indeed have sex with a man while we're together) so I told her that maybe it's better to break up so she can experience that for herself... she told me that she didn't want to hurt me... anyway, sometimes I think I took something away from her... I think that I don't fulfill her needs... what should I do?

I can't sleep and I can't think of anything else... sorry to blurt everything out on you...

LOL