Is this a red flag?

[annie23]

Last night my bf of three months and I had a discussion about his past relationships. I was the one to bring it but but wasn't expecting to hear what I heard. I asked about his first relationship, it was his HS sweetheart with whom he was for 6 years, got engaged, but due to the distance (he moved back to the US and she stayed in the Philipines) she left him after they were separated for 3 years. She is married and has a son, but she is not fully satisfied with the marriage. They haven't seen each other for 6 years, and haven't been together for 3 years. He thinks that she still loves him, and when I asked him if he would go back to her, whixch he was upset with my question, he said that she was the only one who ever fully understood him. I asked if he's happy with our relationship, and he said that he is and said that he loves me, even suggested to move in together. Should I take this as a red flag?

[arwen]

Hi Annie,

 

Welcome to the forum! I think that must have been quite a painful thing to hear from your boyfriend, but seeing that you and him are just together for three months, and that he was together with her for 6 years, I think it's not necessarily a red flag. I REALLY love my bf of 6 months, but the feeling I had at the point of 4 years with my first bf, no it's not the same kind of closeness yet.

 

However, moving in together is kind of soon at this stage. Did he have other relationships in the past? Take things slow.

 

Ilse

[amtjrtcet]

Be careful of asking questions about things that don't pertain to the future........... But I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like he really cares about you. But please listen..................I wouldn't move in w/him, not yet. Way too soon in my opinion.

[Momene]

I think it's more yellow or orange. If you've been together a year and he still said the same thing, I'd see it as a red flag.

[rose2summer]

It's his past, there is nothing he can do about it, so either you need to accept it or move on.

 

He seems to really care about you so I wouldn't worry about this other woman.

 

I was in love with my previous ex of 5 yrs, but we just weren't compatible (incredible match though), does that mean I cannot love another? No, it just means, I was in love before. I can always love again.

 

I don't see this as being a red flag.

 

Do not move in yet if you can, it works for some, but not for most, this early on.

 

Good luck,

Rose

[annie23]

No, we're not moving in together. He suggested that but in the back of his head he knew that I would say no. The reason why he suggested that is because he is really busy and we hardly get to see each other (He has 2 full time jobs basically) and I'm always the one who has to come and see him, and I complain about that. I think that was the whole reason of his thinking of us moving together.

[amtjrtcet]

Even though he's busy you must not be the only one making the effort. Try to pull away some. You will feel more secure about your relationship if you aren't always the only one making the effort.

[annie23]

Thank you everyone.....

[Day_Walker]

I think it is something that you need to take into consideration but as for being a red flag I wouldnt say it was.

[hosswhispra]

he said that she was the only one who ever fully understood him.

 

Honestly, his statement gives me a bad feeling in my gut. It makes me think that he is not fully over her. Based on personal experience, I would tend to take this as a red flag. That's just me.

[annie24]

LOL! Hi Annie23!

 

I wouldn't worry too much. Obviously, they were quite close, 6 years together. It is only natural that he would call her the person that understood him the best. but, they broke up, so that says something too.

 

I think only time can bring about that kind of closeness and understanding. if you stay with him for 6 years also, you will get to that level too (probably!)

 

hang in there! I don't think this is a red flag.