Movie with ex...how to act?

[laboheme]

It's been a month, and we've been keeping in touch as friends. A few days ago he sent me a message saying that I should "come over for a movie sometime soon." I agreed, and this weekend we decided that this Tuesday was the way to go, since both of us miraculously have the day off. No talk about it since then, and I didn't want to nag. Then tonight he texted me telling me to come over at a certain time tomorrow morning. This is probably the most decisive thing he's ever said over the last two years...he always let me pick the whens and wheres that were most convenient for me (yes, he was always bad at planning). Is the fact that he set a time without checking with me his way of testing me to see if I'll run to him wagging my tail right away? (But he was never controlling...) Maybe I should text him in the morning and say that I can't come?

 

It's also kind of weird that it's going to be in the morning...The only reason I can think for that is that his family might not be home and he wants to spare me the agony of facing them. Or is it because he doesn't it want to seem like a date? Or, conversely, does the fact that he's willing to get up early to hang out with me maybe mean that seeing me is important? Overanalyzing, I know...

 

Anyway...not a lot of time left before I see him, and I'm wondering about how I should act. Since the breakup we've just hung out in public places and talked in his car. At his house, do I sit very close to him on the couch like I always did? Do I sit on a different couch? If I do, will he think that I'm trying to distance myself from him (and him thinking that -- on a larger scale -- was a factor in the breakup)? It's going to be strange watching a movie with no physical contact between us...but what if there is? I'm not planning on initiating any cuddling, but what if he tries something? As opposed to my theater friends who will cuddle with anything that's warm with no emotional committment, he's NOT a friendly cuddler, and he knows I'm the same way. Do I go along with it, or do I tell him that I'm only willing to cuddle if we're in a relationship? And after the movie...do I leave right away? I don't want to overstay my welcome...On the other hand, I'm curious to see how long he wants me to stay -- and I won't find that out if I'm the one to cut the meeting short.

 

Yes, I'm definitely overthinking and overanalyzing...but any opinions are appreciated.

[annie24]

oh... right... movie... at his place

 

$5 says he tries something. and he'll be all sweet and stuff like "oh baby, I like you so much, I miss you so much." but the next day, will he want to get back together? no. he won't.

 

trust me, this has happened to ALL of us. a few months ago, i knew a girl in exactly your situation. very sweet and pretty girl, but the ex kept taking advantage of her, wanting to "snuggle" and "make love" but never wanted to get back together

 

anyways - decide what you want. if you want him back, then don't settle for a FWB situation (which is where this is leading).

 

if you two are broken up, then why are you spending so much time together? and still so close?

 

who broke up with whom?

 

don't let this turn into a situation where he has all the perks of a relationship (ie, sex) but none of the responsibilities (ie, committment).

[Rain__man]

Maybe I should text him in the morning and say that I can't come?

Whatever you do, no games. Be real, respect yourself, and respect the fact that it looks like he's been doing some work to change himself, ya know?

 

You need to decide based on how he acts if you want to give it another shot. If you honestly do, cuddle away! If not, or you're not sure, make that clear to him, and if you have to, leave halfway through the movie. I agree though, if things do start getting close, talk about it with him before you let it go anywhere, and make sure you're on the same page.

 

Take care,

 

 

B

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

My advice still stands from what I posted on August 17th.

 

 

 

I fell into the SAME trap as you are about to if you persue this, lots of pain, confusion, and agony. I would not want the same for you.

[laboheme]

if you two are broken up, then why are you spending so much time together? and still so close?

 

who broke up with whom?

 

He broke up with me, but we're still spending time together because we were never on bad terms, we still enjoy each other's company (at least it seems like he does), and the breakup was painful but amicable. We had a great relationship...and the only thing that really went wrong was that the chemistry went away (on his side). He felt it wouldn't be fair to me if he pretended to be in love, so he called things off. All the trust and support is still there. Fortunately (or unfortunately, maybe?) neither of us are very sexual people (and very shy to boot!), so there will be no physical benefits from our friendship.

[annie24]

ok, well, if he isn't in love with you, then don't go down the physical path.

[Rain__man]

Ok, I withdraw my previous post then. Darlin, just move on. It sucks, and it really feels like it would be better to keep the contact you have with him, but all it is doing is holding you back, while keeping him afloat. There are consequences for his actions, and it really doesn't sound like anything you are doing right now is ever gonna let that sink in.