Problems getting past the anger.....

[ConfusedBigTime]

Hi all...

 

I was hoping that I could get some advice on how to get past the anger I am feeling toward my ex for dumping me. I have been through every emotion that is common with a breakup but for some reason, when I feel that I am totally healed and have gotten past all the emotions, the anger reappears.

 

Just a brief history.....we dated for 1 1/2 years. We had a very good relationship. We were both very happy. We began to talk about our future together. After dating so many, I honestly felt like this was "the one". A couple of months before our breakup, she began to be very distant. She raised her walls and it was hard to get close to her until one day she told me that she did not want a relationship with me any longer. No reasons were given. She admitted that I was very good to her and treated her well but that she did not want a relationship at this point in her life with me or anyone else. I was devestated and could not understand why she would want to walk away. If I had done something to deserve that, I could understand but nothing like that happened.

 

After 3 months of NC, she broke NC. We talked and she said she just wanted to be friends and did not want a relationship. I agreed to be friends; however, ever since then, she still remains very distant and cold towards me. I have been NC since our talk (2 months) and have no intention of contacting her for any reason.

 

I gave everything to our relationship and she walked away. I agreed to be her friend and she walked away. I feel like such a fool!!!! I have no desire to get back with her as who wants to be with someone that treats you that way. I deserve better but for the life of me, I can't understand why I cannot get past this anger. I just want to totally forget about her and move on!!! I am dating a couple of girls now and having fun but have not met someone that I feel I have a future with. Can anyone give me some advice on how to get past this anger? Is anyone going through the same thing? How are you coping?

 

Thanks to all!

[Bounder]

Recognizing that you are angry is a good first step. Now, what do you want to do with it? Whta can you do with it? Better yet, what can you do about it? Last year my anger and frustration was eating up me up, so I started seeing a councilor at my university (I am a graduate student). We did a lot of cognitive therapy, basically questioning my anger, where did it come from, could I act on any of it etc. If you cant do anything about the situation, then maybe there is less to be mad about and you can start telling yourself to let go. Or, if you realize its not your fault, you wont feel weighed down with it all your time. It will pass, thats what i still tell myself...all emotions pass....its just our decision whether we bring them back up or not, even love to a certian extent...

[Lady Bugg]

One thing that has helped me..HONESTLY....was forgiveness.

I said a prayer to myself...wishing him happiness, and a good life..and accepting that it was no ones fault..it just was not meant to be. I felt tremendous relief..because I no longer felt like I was carrying the burden of a failed relationship on my shoulders.

 

Forgiveness is for YOU..not the other person. You do not have to tell them you forgive them..you simply need to feel it in your heart..when you are ready. Try it....it may work.

[ConfusedBigTime]

The anger is not continuous in nature. Maybe once a week I feel this way and I am not exactly sure what triggers it. I will never understand how you can treat someone so well and be so happy and then one day get dumped on and thrown to the curb like a piece of garbage. I am convinced one day she will realize what she had and what a mistake she made; however, I will not be there to take her back. I deserve much better and I will not put myself in a position again to be hurt by her. I put myself in that position twice...there will not be a third time.

[ConfusedBigTime]

One thing that has helped me..HONESTLY....was forgiveness.

I said a prayer to myself...wishing him happiness, and a good life..and accepting that it was no ones fault..it just was not meant to be. I felt tremendous relief..because I no longer felt like I was carrying the burden of a failed relationship on my shoulders.

 

Forgiveness is for YOU..not the other person. You do not have to tell them you forgive them..you simply need to feel it in your heart..when you are ready. Try it....it may work.

 

Thanks Lady Bugg. I can say I forgave her from walking away from the relationship. That allowed me to get past the hurt and agree to be friends with her. Since then, nothing has changed. She is very distant and ignores me the couple of times we have run into each other. That is not what friends do. Some say she is still confused on what she wants. Others say she is crazy for walking away. Other say move on and forget about her. I have chosen to move on but feel like such a fool for putting myself out there twice only to be taken advantage of. Forgiveness once is hard, twice is even harder....

[Lady Bugg]

Confused...I have been EXACTLY where you are. Burned twice by the same guy. Who was supposed to know this would happen?? You can't beat yourself up for trusting her. SHE is the one who messed up here..NOT you. Yes it sucks..it hurts..and if being her friend hurts too much then don;t do it. After all..she has not truly earned your trust..OR your friendship. You are not stuck here..you are keeping yourself in this place by remaining angry. Let it go....