I'm so confused about my feelings!

[guest2]

I'm happily married, or so I thought. I shouldn't have any reason to want to stray, right? Then why do I?

 

I had an injury and started going to a massage/physical therapist for gentle massage. We spent a couple of hours a week for a few months together. During our sessions we talked a lot and built kind of a bond. That bond turned into a crush for me.

 

While I was seeing him, I could see little signs that he was interested in me also. Neither one of us ever acted upon our interest.

 

When I finished my therapy with him, it took me a couple of months to stop thinking about him. It was hard because I really had strong feelings towards him. I'm sure the feelings came out stronger because of the intamacy of getting massaged by a person I'm attracted to.

 

I suspected nothing would happen between us because he owns the practice and wouldn't risk losing his license. In our state there's a three month "cooling off" period before therapists can date former clients.

 

Well three months (and 2 days) after my last visit, he called me. He tried to make small talk but I kind of brushed him off. OMG - here I go again. All of these feelings for him have come back stronger than ever.

 

I sent him a letter in the mail (too chicken to talk on the phone) telling him about my crush and that he shouldn't contact me anymore. But what if he does? What do I do?

 

How the h*ll can I fight these feelings that I never intended to have?

[hoping]

hey...although i'm younger and never have been married before, i sense that you are craving physical intimacy...

 

why don't you try asking you husband to give you a nice massage, candle light and everything....it sounds to me your marriage needs a night of just you and ur hubby, reclicking into each other....

 

see how u feel after a nice massage with your husband....

 

if you still feeling like "straying"....i would suggest you look into what REALLY you want, r u craving physical intimacy? emotional support? time with husband? change of routine or scene?

 

i would definitly explore all the options to try to fix the marriage before considering other male companions.... and if it does come down to other male companions, i would inform your husband ASAP, as it isn't fair for him to be out of the loop on this....

 

good luck to you

[hardcharger]

I'm happily married, or so I thought. I shouldn't have any reason to want to stray, right? Then why do I?

 

STAY AWAY FROM HIM. NEVER CONTACT HIM AGAIN. It is that simple. DO NOT inform your husband.

 

You almost did nothing wrong(letter about crush, not good idea), a crush on someone is perfectly fine and acceptable. I am a man and I have had feelings with women besides my wife and If I had the opportunity I would enjoy sleeping with a different woman each week(at least until it was out of my system).

 

That letter was dangling your foot in the waters of HELL(figuratively speaking) but absolutely no harm done and nothing to feel too guilty about. Take your foot out of the water and move forward. Day by day, the feelings for this man will dissapate. Cling to your husband and use this as a chance to do everything you can to be a good wife and solidify your relationship. Read the posts in this forum and you will find what Infidelity is all about.

 

If you have physical contact with this man, it will change you and you marriage forever. Especially important that is was a random thing and you are not stating a terrible marriage or no sex with your husband.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

That's the danger with guys like this.. Does he know you're married? If so.. what kind of a sleeze ball calls a married woman like that? Real quality there...

 

You only saw a VERY small portion of who he is during your sessions, and he probably did pick up that you were attracted to him. You're getting to see another part right now. He's sniffing around for a roll in the hay, IE he wants to USE you for sex. At least that's the way I read what you wrote. There really is no reason for him to contact you otherwise... Friends? um.. maybe friends who f#$@. A relationship? No, you're married... that leaves only.... sex

 

Cut off all contact with this man. He's the male version of a homewrecker... Is talking to him worth the risk of losing your marriage? Is a roll in the hay with a fantasy worth your marriage. Remember all it would be is a fantasy, no real life issues, no problems, just sex. Because it's pretty obvious that's all he wants.

 

Make the right choice.

[southerngirl]

Cut it off. End it. Dont talk to him again. If he should call you hang up. It may hurt but it would hurt worse for your marriage to be over because of it.

[yeawutever]

I agree don't ever contact this man again. Would you lose your marriage for a simple crush?? It's defiantely not worth it, if he calls you or tries to contact you other ways, ignore him and don't NO, don't tell your hubby about it.

Please don't ever end up having an affair with him. If you read the other post on the people who already had their affairs, you'll quickly notice how it had greatly devastated their relation that it's never the same. Now you don't want that to happen would you??

Another suggestion is going to marriage counseling right away.

[hardcharger]

One of my very good friends has a terrible, sexless marriage and after about 15 yrs of it, began having affairs with a number of women, some married. But he crossed the line by doing the same thing that happened to you, he has a business where he sees women and after a period of time, just like you, he contacted a LT married woman out of the blue and met her. This lady was just like you, (and many of us), she had feelings for someone she had come in contat with, and this smooth, likeable talker seduced her. Her heart was totally torn out, she became totally confused, going crazy inside and wanted so so so much more than this guy could give her. AND, she had no idea that he actually had 5 different girls on a rotation. She was just one of them. All he is is a fantasy and the reality of him is so different than what she sees in her little sex session. She eventually went into a bit of a "fatal attraction" kind of thing because her hatred for him was so deep, when the realizaton of what he DID to her become evident.

 

You say you are happily married, don't let this guy "pop your cherry", you will never be the same, nor will your marriage. Go give you hubby a big kiss! There is nothing like trying to keep a marriage together, this would be a really stupid way to screw that up royally.

 

p.s. - I"ve had these crushes myself, they fade in time.

[pacopaco]

The grass is not greener on the other side! you'll regret it so much. Please don't do anything with that man. it isn't worth the pain you'll be causing yourself and your husband!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I've read your previous posts. This isn't the first time you've gotten like this with men who aren't your husband it would seem. This is the first time you've said you were married however, so the advice you got to "keep it going" and what not was probably not what you needed to hear.

 

Have you considered marriage counselling with your husband? Getting giddy about new men in your life seems to be an ongoing problem.

 

Just a thought. Regardless, you made a commitment and an vow to your husband to stay faithful to him and him alone? How would you feel if you knew he was flirting and talking with other women who wanted him for sex behind your back? Concentrate on your husband.

[Rabican]

Im not sure about this, but I think theres nothing you can do about your 'FEELINGS' if you have a crush you have a crush. However you do realize this, and Ill assume that you dont want to backstab your husband. I think the best thing you can do is to tell the guy that you are happily married, and it would be innapropriate and IMPOSSIBLE for you to hang out. Simply tell him (if he contacts you) that he has to stop contacting you.

 

If he tries to contact you again, tell your man and maybe he can deal with it.

 

Out of sight, out of mind... Dont see, or talk to the therapist guy. Invest your time in your relationship with your hubby. You can already see this therapist thing isnt going to go anyplace good concerning your husband, so nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand.

 

You may not be able to control your feelings towards this guy, but im sure you can control your actions.

[guest2]

It's so hard to turn off the feelings of a crush. The feelings were starting to fade until he called me.

 

He's married too. I don't think either of us were/are looking to cheat. I'm not even sure if he's actually into me. It could be that it's completely one sided.

 

There's a tremendous desire going on here (at least I know on my part). I have never been tempted to cheat before and now this guy comes along and makes me question my ability to stay faithful.

 

Lonelyinasmalltown - the previous posts were actually about this guy. I altered them because I didn't want to come clean about being married when I posted them. So you can't really go by what I posted before.

 

I wrote the letter to him about the crush because he told me that he was going to call me again and I wanted to tell him why he shouldn't. If this is all one sided, that he never had interest in me, then he'll stop calling and I can forget about him. Even if he had any interest, I did ask him to stop calling so he may just do that.

 

Out of sight, out of mind - I'll get through this if he leaves me alone.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Ah, I figured as much. I hope you realize that by leaving that bit of information out about yourself, the responses you got probably weren't the ones you normally would have gotten

 

Regardless, out of sight out of mind. I truly do believe you think he has the most honorable intentions. You've already hear of 2 people here who can say from previous experience that he does not, just based on his actions alone. Never believe words after all, actions will let you know everytime.

 

I wish you the best. Go kiss your husband, cuddle with him, ask him for a massage. Re-kindle your marriage.

 

Everyone gets crushes, even if they're married, it's not a crime. Taking it PAST a crush, which you had started to do however.... that's playing with fire and only you and your marriage will get burned if you don't cut this man out of your life completely.

 

On a side note... you were getting over the crush.... He came sniffing around again and you're right back where you were before. I'm sorry, but this man is nothing to have a crush over. He's married calling another married woman.... He's a sleeze.

[guest2]

On a side note... you were getting over the crush.... He came sniffing around again and you're right back where you were before. I'm sorry, but this man is nothing to have a crush over. He's married calling another married woman.... He's a sleeze.

 

Like I said before, this COULD be a one sided thing. He said he called to see how I was doing (how my injury was healing). I've never had a doctor, nurse, or any medical professional call me months after I ended my visits with them, but it could have really been an innocent gesture on his part.

 

I feel like an alcoholic trying to stop drinking. I know it's bad for me but I'm craving a drink (really want to hear from him). don't they have buddies in AA that you can contact when you're gonna "fall off the wagon"? Okay guys, help me get through this.

 

On the plus side, I sent the letter on Friday (so he should have gotten it by yesterday) and I haven't heard from him. That's a good thing.

[little red]

If you're still reading the forums ... how did things turn out?

 

Have you been in contact with him again? How are things for you?

 

If not, did your feelings fade?

 

LR

[candy604]

if your married, i'd cut off all contact wtih that guy. You'll always meet ppl that you could be interested in if you were single. But your married, focus on the man your married with and remember the vows you took