How to convince her?

[crazy21]

I met a woman on Myspace. We exchanged emails for awhile, then talked on the phone. We met and had a wonderful time. I hadn't gone out with anybody in about 4 1/2 years, so I was soooooooooooo happy. she seemed like "the one". We saw each other a few more times and I had the time of my life. I'm 27 and hadn't met anybody like this, ever, period. She was wonderful. Always telling me how sexy I was, what an awesome guy I am, always initiating physical contact.

 

I got a bit too attached and she backed off some. I didn't understand that showing a woman that you want her and calling her too much turns her off. I've read a ton about relationships and attraction since then, and I am ready to handle things much better. I've been studying what to do in order to keep women interested and in order to make them 'want' me, if you will. I was doing all the wrong things before, but I'm ready to start doing the right things now.

 

Later I found out that she had a drug problem. She didn't want to hurt me, so she wanted to be away from me. I said that I didn't care, I wanted to help her. I spent hours and hours researching her problem and getting her the help she needed. She tried to push me away, but I wouldn't listen. I stayed in her corner. She later thanked me for saving her life, many times. But, she didn't want to get back together after all of that. I was hurt by that. Hurt very badly, actually. At the time I was way down her throat, asking for reassurance that she loved me all the time, etcetera. I now know that that was NOT how to act!!

 

I'm skipping a lot of the story here, but she put me through a lot of pain. I lost it one day and told a few of her friends that she had a drug problem. The next day she found out what I did. I apologized to her and her friends. I felt awful. She said it was ok.. We got in a little fight later that day. The next day she threatened me if I ever talked to her again. She actually called the police twice over the next week and asked them to come talk to me. They never did, of course, because they had no reason to. She finally called me the next Saturday and said that she would kill me if I contacted her again and she would make my life a living hell. This was after I had told her that I had gone to confession to receive forgiveness for what I did, and that I forgave her for saying things that hurt me.

 

The same day she found out what I did, but earlier in the day, we had one of our best talks ever. She said we'd be friends for life, if nothing else. She wanted to go to lunch with me and hang out with me again. She told me what an awesome guy I am. We talked on the phone every single day up until then.

 

I know that if I can get through to her and speak to and see her, I 'll be able to trigger the attraction that she had for me in the beginning. She couldn't keep her hands off of me. I mistook it for her being deeply in love with me... but we had just met. I let my guard down, got attached, and acted like a wimp. I called too much. I sent too many text messages. I acted too interested.

I was too clingy. I was too needy. I'm over that. How do I convince her that I am ok and that she should give me another chance?

 

As funny as it may seem, I still feel totally in love with her. It has been 3 weeks since we last talked. I still feel devasted. I want to take back what I did, but I know I can't. She has refused to forgive me. I think about her pretty much all day. I am scared to contact her, so I don't.

 

No one was as nice to me as she was, yet no one has ever hurt me so badly. I want all the bad stuff to go away and for us to try again, fresh. I know it sounds insane, but does anybody have any ideas? I really, honestly, still love her unconditionally. I am going to counseling and all that good stuff, so I am trying my best to deal with this.

 

The bottom line is that I really love this girl. I can see so much potential in her. She's beautiful, intelligent, kind, and caring. Now that must sound funny, since I said she flipped out last time we talked.... but I don't think that's the real her. It can't be, because she showed me too much of herself before that one day.

 

Before I was too clingy. I was too needy. I'm over that. How do I convince her that I am ok and that she should give me another chance?

 

I'm trying to 'get over' her, so please try not to tell me to just do that. That's all my parents keep saying. It's not that easy. If anybody has any ideas for it, please let me know. But, my main goal is to somehow convince her and let her know that we should forget the past and start over. Life is too short to hold grudges and the way she acted that day can't be how she really is. She was too nice during the prior months for that to make sense.

 

As nuts as all this may make me seem... I am an intelligent, attractive, nice guy. I have a great job and a great family. I am religious and ready to settle down. I'd love it to be with this woman. I've been doing a lot of reading on attraction, female psychology, and relationships. I KNOW that I would do things right the second time around... but how on earth do I get that accross to her? How do I make her understand that I would never, EVER hurt her again? I don't know what state of mind she is in, and I've respected her request for me to not contact her. How do I get my point accross and make her believe me without contacting her? I think she's too good to give up on. I'm trying to give it time, but I don't want to miss out on a good thing.

 

I do have problems with anxiety and depression, which I have been on treatment for for a long time. That fact doesn't help much, and it helped fuel much of the pain that I went through during this ordeal. I would not, no matter what, let that get in the way, if I was given another chance.

 

Thanks in advance. If anyone wants to know more, just ask, I left a lot of the details out, but I didn't want to type all night either.

[DN]

I know that if I can get through to her and speak to and see her, I 'll be able to trigger the attraction that she had for me in the beginning.

I'm sorry to say this but you don't know this at all. You only feel it and that is a very different thing.

 

I think she has made how she feels about you perfectly clear and you should respect her decision and stay away. If she changes her mind she should contact you. If you contact her you could be in trouble if she really does make a complaint to the police.

[Bethany]

You can't make her do anything. You can't convince her of anything. She has a mind of her own and has told you to leave her alone. You DO NOT have a choice I'm afraid. You have to accept that it's not going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it.it is out of your control and unchangable.

 

Take a look at this site. it will can help you understand why you feel the way you do and how not to feel that way anymore. link removed

[crazy21]

I'm sorry to say this but you don't know this at all. You only feel it and that is a very different thing.

 

I think she has made how she feels about you perfectly clear and you should respect her decision and stay away. If she changes her mind she should contact you. If you contact her you could be in trouble if she really does make a complaint to the police.

 

Not to argue, but it is possible to make women feel attraction by doing certain things and by taking actions. It's based on their psychological makeup. I can direct you to some reading about it. The stuff works. I just didn't know about it before.

[agent1607307371]

crazyone, it's not possible. I've had men try it with me.

 

And add to the fact that it is incredibly manipulative to try as well as disrespectful to the woman.

 

 

Honestly, I think you are still needy and not at all over it. You have to respect the fact that she does not want to be with you and if you try and push it could end up in a lot of trouble.

 

You love what you want to make her into and refuse to accept that any action she takes that doesn't reinforce your idea she would want to be with you as "not being the real her".

 

This does not sound healthy to me at all.

[Bethany]

Listen crazy, she has threatened the police on you. You could go to jail for harassment.

 

i am a woman, and if I went that far, I would not want this man back. I would feel somewhat threatened and stalked, and I would call the police on you. The more a man tried, the more afraid of him I would become.

 

It's over, take the hint and keep away, for your own sake. Obsession isn't what a woman is looking for in a man. Freedom and respecting her wishes is... if then she wants to come back, it will be of her own free will and not through some pressure when she was feeling low or weakened by drugs. This woman is obviously messed up, why mess her up anymore? Leave her alone.

[DN]

Not to argue, but it is possible to make women feel attraction by doing certain things and by taking actions. It's based on their psychological makeup. I can direct you to some reading about it. The stuff works. I just didn't know about it before.

Possibly but I would like to see very strong evidence that it works before I advise you to go ahead and risk ending up accused of being a stalker.

[Bethany]

I would also like to add, that you only want her back because you are in so much pain. That isn't love, thats a selfish need to have your pain removed by the person who put it there. It's YOUR pain, YOU deal with it and leave this woman alone.

[rose2summer]

You need to walk away from the hope of a relationship with this woman. She is presenting herself as having some type of psychological disorder, she goes from 1 extreme to the next, is potentially bipolar. If she follows through with the police on you, you will have a mark on your record that employers can check up on, and the lovely career you described will be down the drain. Employers do have the right to look into these types of matters. You may love her but she clearly is not IN love with you back. Save your pride and ego and walk away.

[rose2summer]

By the way, try to not meet people for dates on myspace, it has backfired for me and many others I know, because people aren't on there to date and aren't serious about starting a relationship from someone on there.

[brando]

crazy21,

It is possible to create attraction with a woman, but you went to far originally and showed insecurities and neediness, a big turn off. After revealing this about yourself it is very difficult to get her to see you in a different light.

 

If she threatened to call the police i would retreat and leave her be. Unfortunately this is over.

[DN]

off topic posts removed

[annie24]

Please listen to me - there is nothing you can do to convince her. She is a drug addict. I have dated drug addicts, and my aunt is a pyschiatrist specializing in addiction disorders. I remember exactly what she told me. "Drug addicts cannot love you. First and foremost, they love their drug. A very far distant second, they love their mother. That is it."

 

I think you did a good thing by telling her friends, hopefully, they can help her get clean and make her realize what a horrible mistake she is making.

 

But if you are looking to fix her, make her fall back in love with you, I am sorry, I don't think she has the capability of loving anyone right now, apart from her drugs. I think you should leave her alone. Especially since she has threatened to call the police. In fact, if she does, tell them she has an addicition problem. She may need to hit rock bottom before she turns her life around.

 

Don't get back with her though. forget about that.

[crazy21]

I would also like to add, that you only want her back because you are in so much pain. That isn't love, thats a selfish need to have your pain removed by the person who put it there. It's YOUR pain, YOU deal with it and leave this woman alone.

 

Oh C'mon. I never wanted her to go away in the first place. I have many reasons for wanting her back. The pain I am in is being caused by internal problems, for the most part. She can't take it away. If I was talking to her, which is the first step here and all that I want at the moment, I wouldn't be cured at all. Things would just be a bit different.

[crazy21]

\

 

Thanks for the advice. Well, I already had found out that drug addicts live the drug first. The drug is prescription painkillers. I did hours of research and found out about Suboxone. I talked her into getting onto the treatment. Last time we actually spoke in a friendly way (5 weeks ago) she said she felt like she didn't even need to take it. That's how it is supposed to make you feel. You have to keep taking it, but you feel normal. I could go on and on about it, but when you take this drug it blocks cravings and makes you feel wonderful from day one, practically.

 

She was at or near rock bottom. She was out of money.

 

So, the drug addition part was being handled. She loved me so much for all that I did to help her, because she couldn't have done it without me. She said that many times.

 

During this whole time frame, I fell in love with her. She couldn't believe that I would even speak to her after she told me her problem. I stuck by her side the whole time. I made one dumb mistake and did a really stupid thing and now she won't speak to me. I don't think that's the real her. That's not how she acted in the months prior to that. I just want to somehow let her know that I am the same great guy who she's always liked. I don't know how or what to do. I don't know how to convince her that I am still that great guy who likes her and wants to put all the past behind us.

[crazy21]

Listen crazy, she has threatened the police on you. You could go to jail for harassment.

 

i am a woman, and if I went that far, I would not want this man back. I would feel somewhat threatened and stalked, and I would call the police on you. The more a man tried, the more afraid of him I would become.

 

It's over, take the hint and keep away, for your own sake. Obsession isn't what a woman is looking for in a man. Freedom and respecting her wishes is... if then she wants to come back, it will be of her own free will and not through some pressure when she was feeling low or weakened by drugs. This woman is obviously messed up, why mess her up anymore? Leave her alone.

 

I WAS obsessed in a bad way, that's why I did what I did. I'm still thinking about her a lot and trying to get over things, but I am not obsessed anymore in such an unhealthy way. Yes, she is messed up. I only ever wanted to help her. I made a mistake one time and hurt her. I believe that I should be granted a chance to prove that that is not the real me. I also am totally harmless. I understand what you said about being afraid. I'd like to somehow emphasize that I am nothing to be afraid of!

[Bethany]

I believe that I should be granted a chance to prove that that is not the real me. I also am totally harmless. I understand what you said about being afraid. I'd like to somehow emphasize that I am nothing to be afraid of!

 

 

It doesn't matter what you believe though does it? It doesn't even matter what I believe either.What matters is that she has told you to keep away or she will call the police.

 

However much you want to prove that you are not a stalker, are totally harmless and that she has nothing to fear, you MUST respect her wishes. If you do not, she could very possibly call the police on you, and will probably take out a restraining order. How will you feel then? Even more determined to prove that you are not the person she thinks you are? Of course you will, you will be even more hurt and even more determined that you are not who she thinks you are, and that my friend, is a vicious cycle which inevitable ends with you even more hurt, or even in jail.

 

The more you try to prove that you are not something, the more you will prove that thats exactly what you are and she WILL fear you, which means she will NEVER think of you the way you want her to.

 

I know you've been a good friend to her, supported her and cared for her and don't understand why this is happening to you, and unfair as it may seem, there is nothing you can do but leave her be and hope that she comes around and sees you for what you really are, a caring supporting friend, but by not respecting her wishes you WILL be backing her into a corner and she could feel that she has no other choice BUT to call the police. Respect her wishes and you have hope.

[Lady Bugg]

I'm just seeing this post..and Crazy ..let me tell you, your approach is NOT healthy. You DO seem obsessed with her. Just look at all the time and energy you are putting into helping HER get over her drug problem. Use that energy to help YOURSELF. You are not her personal therapist.YOU have a "dependency" too....it's HER. You need to wean yourself off this woman before you get slapped with serious charges.

 

If you KNOW what you;re doing is wrong..then why keep doing it?? STAY AWAY from her. That is what she asked for.

[crazy21]

I'm just seeing this post..and Crazy ..let me tell you, your approach is NOT healthy. You DO seem obsessed with her. Just look at all the time and energy you are putting into helping HER get over her drug problem. Use that energy to help YOURSELF. You are not her personal therapist.YOU have a "dependency" too....it's HER. You need to wean yourself off this woman before you get slapped with serious charges.

 

If you KNOW what you;re doing is wrong..then why keep doing it?? STAY AWAY from her. That is what she asked for.

 

I fell in love with her. I haven't contacted or spoken to her in over three weeks.. Since she asked me to not contact her anymore.

Everything I did for her was because I loved her. She appreciated it sooo much, then I made a terrible mistake. I just want forgiveness and for us to be able to speak again. I'm trying to get away from all of this but it's very hard. Harder than I could ever have imagined.