Self sabotage

[delily]

I have had a problem with self discipline for the past 20+ years. I cannot hold a job due to numerous absenses. I know this sounds awful but I am going to be totally honest because I want some advice on how to fix this. I have certain days that I just don't want to get out of bed and then there are days that even if I get out of bed and shower I still don't want to go to work so I will simply call in sick. This has cost me several jobs and some were very promising jobs that I actually enjoyed. I have told myself several times that I have to stop doing this, obviously knowing that I will suffer the consequences. But I never seem to get a grip on it. Even when I have been warned about my attendance, I promise myself that I will stop because I don't want to lose this job, then I end up calling in sick again. It's like I am a different person when I'm convincing myself "just this last time". Eventually, I am fired of course. Then I get depressed and wish I would've done things differently. I simply can't seem to discipline myself into stopping this destructive behavior. It doesn't matter how serious I get about ending this, I still end up doing it again. It's like being a drug addict without the actual drug. I know it's destructive and I am only going to hurt myself but can't seem to help myself. There is not even any perks when I do this. When I stay home from work, I end up feeling guilty and miserable. I want so bad to be that person that goes to work everyday and only miss work if I am actually SICK. I have gone over this in my head over and over and don't know what to do. I don't think I am depressed and I'm not lazy, when I am at work I give it 110%. I have always gotten compliments from my employers that I am good at what I do, I am a hard worker and considered a team player. There's just the attendance factor. Please help me and please, serious replies only. I am on here because I want to change this, I am ashamed of it and know that it's wrong.

[princess81]

I guess if you set goals that you seriously want to reach then you might stay motivated another thing you must really not have that much responsability like if you dont work bills dont get paid ya dont eat that kindda of sort off thing maybe thats another problem that you dont have that much responsability put on you maybe ever since you were a child it was this way things were just given to you oh well just a thought I could be wrong either way good luck.

[Scout]

It could be that you subsconsciously have a real fear of failure that you won't do a good job, so you avoid going to work. Sounds weird, I know, but think about it. Maybe that's the reason. Of course, you could just not be cut out for working for others, and having to adhere to someone else's schedule. Which means you should think about working for yourself. Worked for me!

[itsallgrand]

I think it may be helpful for you to delve into what is going on inside of you a little more deeply.

You say there are no perks, and I would agree that this behavior is not working for you in the big picture, but inside you there must be some 'perks' to doing it.

You are gaining something. Maybe something you don't want to admit.

 

Could be something simple like 'i get to stay in bed, stay at home', or it could be something along what Scout is mentioning 'i can avoid doing something wrong' or 'i can avoid having to take on new responsibility bc i really am good at my work, and so more might be required of me'.

 

Whatever it is, once you figure it out you can beat it. Understand the conflict and it melts away.

 

So - what do you gain from this, and what is it you fear?

 

If the problem is very serious, therapy can help. Therapy isn't just for major crisis stuff: it can be great for stuff like this too. Just a thought.

[now_better]

agree w/ scout. i use to have this problem. always afraid to do things because i'm afraid that i won't meet people's expectations. i never actually missed work, but i still think like this in some ways. i think life is very much about working hard, trying your hardest. maybe you're not the best, but you have to be comfortable with who you are.

[CarnelianButterfly]

To me it does sound like depression. The lack of motivation to go to work (my case school) is one of the symptoms I have when I'm in a low. Like you once I got there though I'm all in. I started taking meds about 8-9 years ago, I've had to switch a couple of times, each switch is usually prompted by a spell of listlessness where I don't want to do my work. I say go to your doctor and discuss this problem with them. It could be psychological or it could be a chemical imbalance, either way you need to try something different, you are obviously not happy.