How to deal with impending loss?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey There Guys,

 

As many of you know my daddy has had terminal cancer for the past 18 months or so, he's been fighting very hard and has done really well and still been enjoying life with my mum. The doctors told him today though his liver is failing rapidly and he has a matter of days maybe a few weeks left. I know i sound very selfish but i just don't know how to deal with this, i've had 18 months to get used to the situation and yet i still feel shocked by this news. I love my daddy sooo much.

 

I live and work 200 miles away and have been visiting home every 2-3 weeks to see my family, my granma lives next door to my parents and my little sister lives with her boyfriend less than 5 miles away from them. When i heard how ill in hospital my dad was i didn't want to come home, thats awful isn't it? My partner convinced me i had to come back, i was just so nervous, i'm glad i did because it gave my mum a break and me and my daddy a good chance to talk. He's told me he does not want me to move home and that even though when he's first gone my mum will need me and lots of support, i must visit but i must continue to live my own life in my own city....do you think this is the right thing to do?

 

I just wish with all my heart there was just something that could help him or fix him, he's only 52, thats not old enough to go, i'm so worried about my mum. My dad must be so scared...sorry just confused.

 

Sugar xxx

[hosswhispra]

Hello Sugar-Rush,

 

I was in a similar situation to yours two years ago. My father battled terminal cancer for 16 months.

 

All you can do is to be there for your family. But you also must take time out for yourself. Go out with your friends for dinner or a movie...anything.

 

This is no doubt one of the hardest times in your life right now.

 

Do an internet search on "anticipatory grief" it will shed light on a lot of the stuff you are going through emotionally.

 

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

hoss

[MacGyverRI]

 

 

 

When i heard how ill in hospital my dad was i didn't want to come home, thats awful isn't it? My partner convinced me i had to come back, i was just so nervous, i'm glad i did because it gave my mum a break and me and my daddy a good chance to talk.

 

 

He's told me he does not want me to move home and that even though when he's first gone my mum will need me and lots of support, i must visit but i must continue to live my own life in my own city....do you think this is the right thing to do?

 

 

 

I went through this with both my parents, nervous isn't the word, it's more like fear. Just be supportive, there's nothing anyone can do and time is the enemy. I hope someone signed a DNR (do not resuscitate order) if you have that over there as his quality of life would be even worse if they could bring him back. I had to sign one and it took a little convincing but I knew it had to be done.

 

He's right, he knows you have a life in another city and you can't just forget it. You will have to visit more often when possible and your sister should be able to visit more often,

[IRON ROOTS]

Your Feelings Are Not Selfish... Try Not To Feel Guilty... Be There For Your Mom And Your Dad When You Can... When The Time Comes Be There And Bring Some "normal" To The Situation... Talk About Everyday Things...it Will Help You And Your Father... Stay In A Good Space When You Are There And You Will Find The Strength To Go On... And So Will Your Family.. Angels To You...

[NKP]

Hey if i were you i would go down and stay with them until he passes or you might regret later on not spending as much time with him as you could of. You should talk to him ot about him dying unless he wants to, but about funny stuf and good times you two had together, have a laugh enjoy your last moments with him