Love but not in love?

[Deedee]

Help!

 

I've been with a wonderful guy for three years. He's the nicest guy I've ever dated, the most considerate, thoughtful and caring. I've never been treated so well.

 

But I seem to miss the drama of the jerks who came before him! I miss the stupid obsessing about whether the guy will call, etc. I wonder if I have lost my attraction to my guy. I love to cuddle with him but I don't want to make love. I used to be so excited to see him when I couldn't have him; now that he's totally mine I don't know what to do.

 

For about ten years I had no real relationships, just little flings with guys who dumped me after two weeks. I don't want to spoil something good; please help.

[Smokeycat]

I know exactly how you feel. I like excitement in my relationships too...but why lose a great guy? He sounds amazing and a keeper girl. Don't let him go. It sounds like you've found a diamond in the rough...not many guys are so sweet like that anymore. Just give yourself time and look at all the things you really like about him. One you've found them...focus on them when you're with him. The drama is so overrated!

[jacobs]

you miss the challenge...its part of being a woman i guess?i do know that the nicer i am to a woman the more she pulls away.but as you ladies get older,and you find that men arent looking at you the way they used to...you will wish you kept that nice guy.....

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey. First of all welcome 2 enotalone, i'm sure u'll find good support from typical everyday ppl around the world here for a while to come.

 

It's like settling down, when ppl get married, they ain't gonna get all that drama either.

 

If he's so nice and u got him all 2 urself THEN THIS IS WHAT U GOTTA DO:

luv him more.

 

Happy Heb

[WorkingThruIt]

He sounds like a really nice guy, but I would not say just keep him around because of that, if you do really like him and he is a nice guy, but you do not feel that romantic connection or the passion for him, then dont keep him just for the sake of keeping a nice guy, thats leading him on and how would you feel if someone that you loved did that to you? I would suggest seriously asking yourself your true feelings for him, and asking yourself if YOU are ready for that type of commitment, or if you still want to be the woman playing the field. Do this not only for yourself, but for him as well. Ask yourself how you would feel without him, or with him just as a friend? From the guys point of view, I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman that saw me as a friend and was not interested in me sexually or had any passion for me, if that is the case with your relationship then you are cheating yourself, and him, out of something else better for each of you down the road. I hope I did not come accross as mean or anything, I just suggest that you dont "settle" for both your sakes....

[Deedee]

Thank you for all of your responses. I think I may be a classic commitment-phobe, but I'm not getting any younger (I'm 32 and this is my first real relationship). I really do love this guy, it is just hard for me to settle down!

[beagle]

Deedee - you cannot keep those intense "in love" feelings forever. To believe you can is not realistic. Relationships need working on or else they slip into a rut. They become so comfortable and so nice and cosy - it becomes effortless. Wrong. Part of the problem is very much the fact that both parties can stop making enough effort. And then life becomes very same-ish.

 

Don't be disillusioned. The past is not for recreating. It's your future you need to focus on. You have already made the biggest decision - you love him. Well go get him and give with all your heart - the rewards will amaze you. Get out of the rut.