Something Warming to say

[simonthecasey]

Hey people,

 

Im in the proccess of getting back together with my ex we have only been split up for 2 weeks but i think she has come to her senses and realised im not a bad thing.

 

She had a bit of an episode this morning (we live together) And she has taken the day off work cause she is not well. I want to send her a text saying something warming to her.

 

But just cant think of anything outstanding just things like:

 

Hey sweetheart i hope your ok. If you need anything give me a ring!

 

Please help me out on this one,

 

Thanks

[GottaLetItBurn]

Let her know you want the old her back, then say a couple of nice things you miss about her, and throw in something like..youthat made me forget there was ever another girl in the room.

 

Hope you can use my advice and it works.

[simonthecasey]

Thats good,

 

But im thinking more along the lines of hoping she is ok etc. I dont wanna keep on making her aware how i feel and keep on telling her i want her back, As she finished things with me i i know its not nice but i want her to do some chasing as well but NOT make her feel im not interested.

 

So today will be the first time i would have sent her a message thats really nice i mean really nice. i want it to make her feel good inside.

[papalazarou]

To be honest Simon I think what you have put is probably about right as its not pushy but shows that you are thinking of her. Maybe put a XX at the end of the message.

[ButterflyWrists]

write her a poem

make her some nice food

and be her little chaffure

[papalazarou]

write her a poem

make her some nice food

and be her little chaffure

 

 

Wouldnt that be reagarded as coming on a bit too strong??

[ButterflyWrists]

nope, its being friendly, and showing her she always has him if needed.

[heloladies21]

Well to be honest with you buddy, I'm more concerned with your method to win her back. It sounds like you're trying to use this "let's just be friends till you realize how great I am" method which involves a ton of game playing and reading into hidden agendas and interpreting every minor move she makes. It'll only end up giving her the wrong impression and giving you false hope which will result in her leaving you for good once things with one of her other guys becomes serious.

 

You should be very direct and up front about what you want. Tell her you're only interested in a relationship with her and nothing less will do. Draw a line in the sand and if she doesn't cross it over to your side, time to cut contact as you have your answer. Doing otherwise and you will only be hurting yourself.

[simonthecasey]

I understand what you have just said i dont think there is another way around this though, Its not a fact of how great i am its just she has taken me for granted a little bit. I came on her the day after we broke up and i understood that i should take a step back and not pester her i.e love letters etc.

 

But she has been talking to her friend and i have been told what she said. She wants to get back with me but she feels she is holding me back. which is not true. She is starting to appreciate the things i have done for her and the things i continue to do for her which was all taken for granted.

 

And i feel if she does do some chasing it will make her appreciate what she has got from chasing me and its not gonna be so easy to let go again she may talk to me this time.

 

I know we need to talk to each other and need to tell her what i want. She needs to know that being in the relasionship with her and her son (2) is never gonna hold me back but push me into making a success. I just need to find the right moment to talk to her as it is still early days.

 

Thanks

 

any feedback???

[abbett]

i used to think that to play games in a relationship was complicated and pointless. however, some counselors will suggest this when it comes to chasing each other. if one partner is always coming on strong and the other one is not........sometimes the one that hasn't been doing any chasing needs to be given a chance to. if someone is always chasing the other, the other never even feels the need to chase......so i guess what i am saying is, some things are not games - they are just giving the other person the chance to be in a different role. i don't know if it works or not.

 

as it stands now, i am always the chaser. and i've tried not chasing.......and sometimes it works.......maybe not as well as i'd like it to, but it has worked.

 

relationships are just so hard.

[heloladies21]

Well my man, from reading your old posts, this is a bad situation that has been building fr a very long time now. She completely dominates the relationship and that gets boring for chicks which is the real reason she dumped you.

 

Staying in the house and looking after her kid is a bad idea because it's giving her the wrong idea and not going to have the effect you think it will. It's not going to get her to appreciate what you're doing, it's going to make her take you for granted even more. Think about it, she has it all right now, she has you doing all the things that you did as a bf but she has no committment. Why would she have any reason to change when she's having her cake and eating it too?

 

There is another way to do this, it's called sticking up for yourself and what you really want. Stop rewarding her for her bad behavior. She dumped you and this kind of act doesn't deserve a love letter, it actually deserves the exact opposite.

 

Don't believe anything she's saying to her friend, it's all just talk and is probably only manipulation used to keep you around. In any case, they're just words and you should only believe her actions (like getting back together with you) above all else. As it stands, you two are broken up so believe that.

 

The reason she dumped you has nothing to do with holding you back. It's a lie, and excuse and this is very common for dumpers to do. She just got bored emotionally because you were always nice to her and would never stick up for yourself.

 

Doing nice things for her will not bing her back. It's sucking up and this is not the way to bring it back together. At best it would be a temporary patch and things would eventually fall apart for the same reasons as before.

 

You have no reason to believe that she is warming up to you. The exact opposite is happening, she is looking for other men. See what's going on in front of you in the right context. Do not get caught up in the false hope you've built up.

 

You do need to have a talk with her, but not about what you've mentioned. It will accomplish nothing as holding you back isn't the real reason for the break up. It's gonna be hard, but what you need to do is to be a man and stick up for yourself. Don't accept anything less than a relationship. Tell her that's what you want, that you're not comfortable with anything less. If she says anything other than agreeing with you in getting back together RIGHT NOW, it's basically her way of saying no. She might say something like "not right now" or "i can't give you an answer" or some other BS, but all of that means "i'm not interested in getting back together with you" and you should take it at face value. If she's not willing to get backtogether with you, move out, cut contact, and if she tries to stay in touch, restate your position of what you're only willing to accept. Do this if you wanna do what's right for you.

 

And you are not a babysitter. The kid isn't yours, so you have no responsibility if you two aren't together. You really don't have as much responsibility as you've taken on even if you were in a relationship.

[sillygurl]

Hello simonthecasey,

 

I'm probably too late for this, but if you don't want to pressure her, maybe you can skip saying "sweetheart?" in your future texts? If she needs time to think about the relationship, and you just want to let her know you're there for her if she needs you b/c she's sick, you could just say something like, "let me know if you need anything, I'll be free at (insert time here). Just a suggestion. Let us know how it went!

[simonthecasey]

hey all,

 

Well is sent the text it wasnsnt too bad. I think i might of read into things a bit wrongly. As you all know we live together and her friend has been telling me that she wants to get back with me etc. well whenever my ex gets in a bit of a mood she makes it quite clear that she doesent wanna be with me but then when she isnt she is quite nice.

 

Last night she came up with the idea of being s*x partners (sorry if its too much info) so i agreed but she wanted to just kiss me and stuff she told her friend about the new plan and her friend asked if she was gonna get back with me and she said no but then she said probably.

 

she knows how i feel about her and perhaps she is just doing all this i dont wanna be with you to annoy me or maybee her friend tells her what i say to her. and she uses it to her advantage. I have finally broke the news to my mum and she knows everything i know and she thinks i need to back off for a bit and let her do some thinking and some running after me so its not all one way?

 

Whats your views on all this.

 

P.s the more she tells me she dosent wanna be with me the stronger its making me and its becoming easyer to get over her. But who knows what my feelings will be when i do decide enough is enough and move out.

 

 

[heloladies21]

Well quoting myself seems pointless, but this friends with benefits you've agreed to is a terrible idea and will only lead to your pain. I've never seen it work and it doesn't make sense that it would work either. You're believing in false hope. Just realize it's gonna have to get to the point where you've had enough and demand an answer from her on whether she wants to be with you or not.

[simonthecasey]

I am taking your advice on board im just scared. Really scared. I know what needs doing i have to ask her whats going on and everyday i am getting stronger and stronger to do this. This is the first real relationship i have been in. People may laugh as its only been 2 years its a long tome for me as im only 19. I just take everyday and i agree i am going off false hope and i think i make excuses in my mind at the end of the day she has said to me that she doesent want to be with me i disregard anything she has said to her friend now as im not supposed to know that.

 

Im gonna stop all the forms of kissing etc im thinking now if i do move out i will start LC as i would love to see her son who has been my own for 2 years.

 

Its just a hard thing to do and its scary.